I seriously applaud you on your work here. Most of the story I read (I'll explain why I didn't finish it later) was amazing and your story-telling capabilities are beyond comparison. I really mean that. Your writing style reflects that of a real fantasy novel writer and it shows that you've been doing this story of thing for a long time. Let me get into detail about a couple of things before I come up with the conclusion.
First off, like I said, your writing style is very impressive. Although it doesn't rely on character speech, it seems to tell the story to great detail anyways. Following that, you can really get the reader into the story. Its some sort of advanced thought... I can't describe it, but I can tell you that providing plenty of detail on the story is really the way to go. It could be just me that's happy with the story or the theme, but who knows? I am the one writing the review after all.
Finally, I think its worth noting that your vocabulary and punctuation are spot on. I'm pretty glad for that. Were that the only thing I had to say, I would have just about adored these stories that you made, but I'm afraid I'm not done. I had a serious problem with the fact that you didn't space any of the paragraphs out, but indented each one. It seems you know what a paragraph is supposed to look like and this could be just me, but you should know that spacing paragraphs out makes your story seem less like a wall of text and more like an actual story. That's the real reason I didn't manage to keep reading it, there was just too much text and no real place marks. Just a thought for your next stories if you plan on continuing with them.
Overall, the entire idea of your story is pretty cool. I am a fan of Warhammer 40k and I do like fantasy themes, so I supposed I can pass this off as a very high-grade series of stories. Next time, make sure you give Joseph a bigger gun. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and thanks for letting me read your story. It really was great, you don't have to worry. Just remember to space out your paragraphs next time.
4.5 / 5
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