Liz B's (lilelena) Reviews

Liz B

Review Requests: ON

5 Public Reviews Given

5 Total Reviews Given

1

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#4859299

Review of On Thick Black Ice

Review by Liz B

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)

I like the imagery in your poem. After reading it a few times, I'm not sure if your subject is a physical addiction, or infatuation with an actual person. There is real emotion there.

Your piece might benefit from stronger verbs and trimming a few excess words.

The opening line could be more of an intro: She appeared, she struck, she approached, etc.

She turned into the brightest of my days,
A pole-side dancer lost in neon haze.
But then the monsters came outside the glass, Delete "But"
To watch our rhythmic shadows as they passed.

She grew into the vision of my dreams, She morphed?
Far deeper than the surface ever seems. Delete "Far"
On twelve-inch black ice, dancing through the air,
No monsters found a way to reach us there.

I swore that I could never let her go, I vowed?
Through every high and every low.
She was the anchor in my shifting sea,
The only part of life that felt like me.

The greatest times were spent within her light, My greatest times were in her light
Before the morning overtook the night. Before sunrise...
My life then anew when at last I won.
I gave her up as the love pain was done.

Respectfully,
Liz

2

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#4858730

Review of Lunch's Contrast

Review by Liz B

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)

I like your use of alliteration in the opening line. Drew me right in.
The mood of your piece is cloudy with a chance of sunshine. The latter came into play during the lunch break; wandering in the garden, the conversation, the sandwich.
Then, back to reality, slammed with afternoon work tasks.

Makes me thankful I'm retired. Well done.

3

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#4858302

Review of Resuscitation Attempt #43

Review by Liz B

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)

I happened upon your poem in Read and Review. Perhaps I have no business reviewing this, for I am no poet, but, wow.

The structure of your stanzas and lines meshes beautifully with the stark haunting text of your poem. There are no wasted words. Each one is a soul-wrenching death knell.

Well done, and I nope to read more of your work.

4

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#4857720

Review of Day Dream

Review by Liz B

Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)

Dream on, Borb! I like your use of verbs to connote action...laundry twirling and tumbling. You decsribe an avid reader's lust for a book so engaging that you cough up more quarters for the dryer. Of course the fibers remain intact! Thoroughly enjoyable stream of consciousness fantasy.