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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lilliyloidd
Review Requests: OFF
45 Public Reviews Given
116 Total Reviews Given
Favorite Genres
Psychological, Dark, Odd/Weird/Unusual
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there Gupta,

This is a very nice poem with a very good message and an amiable character.
I'm already fond of this voice.

"My friend, the old may be old in body,
But stout remains their mental rhapsody."
This is a strong ending. Solid. I like it quite a bit.

Keep on writing,
Lilliy


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2
2
Review of Autumn Ease  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Don,

A very cute poem indeed.

Steady abcc rhyme, 4 line stanzas, consistent throughout.

The imagery is clear and vivid, incorporating multiple senses.
Well captured.

Suggestions:
line 2: consider switching "initial" to "initiate" or a synonym.

Keep on writing,
Lilliy


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3
3
Review of His Chair  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Travellinda,

This is a touching poem. It clearly portrays the difficulty of letting go.
It achieves its goal of emotional entrapment of the reader well.

Keep on writing,
Lilliy


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4
4
Review of The Attic  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello there spidey,

I would add the genre of "Tragedy" to this. It's well written, clean, no problems I came across. The imagery was vivid, the emotions much more. I felt my heart go out to this girl by the end of the story. This means you've captured your reader, great job.

Regards,
Lilliy


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5
5
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there, Parker!

Short and sweet. I love how it could be interpreted as both a supernatural occurrence and just a child's overactive imagination. Very vivid imagery and strong character. It pulls you in immediately.

I liked it. Thank you for sharing.

Cheers,
Lilliy


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6
6
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
#$%^#&$& YEESSSSSS

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7
7
Review of True Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there, Raven!

I love this poem! The structure itself is quite flattering to the eye and the meaning it carries is so significant and full of emotion.

This is one heck of an entrance you're making: Welcome to WdC!

Write on!
Lilliy


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8
8
Review of English  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Encouraging. Makes you want to step out and explore. Strong poem.

*Penw* Structure:
One stanza.
Steady rhythm.
Steady [abab] rhyme throughout.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
I love all of it.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Nothing.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


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9
9
Review of First King Corwyn  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
A lot of info packed together. It intrigues the reader to seek out the story. Good job.

*Penw* Structure:
This is to be on the back cover of a novel.
A short description of the protagonist of a novel.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"He would bring justice where it had been obliterated."

"First King Corwyn is about to meet Griffin King Jonathan and he's about to get the adventure he's craved his entire life..." Nice hook.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Corwyn is a young man whose life started out ordinary (by Entirity standards).

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


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10
10
Review of Legacy  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Beautiful metaphors. Wonderfully portrayed and eliciting a strong empathy from the reader. The imagery was clear in my mind, a fitting atmosphere to the theme.

*Penw* Structure:
Poem.
One stanza.
Rhyme: a-b-c-b-c-d-c-d-a-e-e

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"Death’s poetry contains no reason or rhyme.
Our legacy is words lost along our path
inscribed on our love as a last epitaph."

That is absolutely beautiful.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Write more. *Laugh*

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


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11
11
Review of Live Geology  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello again, Beholden!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
Wow. This was darn beautiful. It was a wonderful montage of imagery, a seamless movement through the lines. Simply well done.

*Penw* Structure:
Freeverse, nice rhythm, whimslical rhyme scattered.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"folded and fractured, tilted and abraded, the geological
record of our ages,"

"Can this be true recall, a record of so long ago,
or is it merely reconstruction from the shreds of a family tale?"

"these footprints in the hardened mud
are whispers from the dawn of understanding,"

"Visions crowd in upon us as the ticking clock gains pace;"

"The snapshot stream becomes a flood, real events and photographs,
remembered scenes and dreams envisaged, kaleidoscope
of colour refracted in a million shards,"

"cathedrals sailing through clouded heavens"

"the compresséd past
surfacing now and merging with the present."

The full last stanza.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Absolutely nothing, I loved it.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


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12
12
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello Beholden.

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
I loved your take on immortality and death in this piece. The way it is written carries much to the table to ponder on love and life. It is much deeper than a simple love story.

*Penw* Favourite(s):
"until the sun touched the topmost trees"
"He paused and the lovers, the watcher, and even the forest breathed not while they waited."
Girth's speech about Death. A beautiful take on it.
The ending.

*Penw* Suggestions:
"raven her hair shot through with umber threads" - her raven hair
"He paused and the lovers, the watcher,[comma] and even the forest breathed not while they waited."

*Penw* Overall:
I loved reading this piece and I'm very glad you pointed it out to me. Carry on my friend, you have a beautiful pen.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


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13
13
Review of Shrine Maiden  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there!

This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw* Impression:
I love the language you used to portray imagery. Quite Beautiful.
"The crackled pavement gleamed like stars on a lone seashell," = hooked.

*Penw* Structure:
Intro line and a single paragraph.
Clean.

*Penw* Suggestions:
Trees surpassed us in height, and the supplied supplying me with momentary relief from the blistering sky.

Maybe not centered alignment?

"Today way too important" - maybe a new line for more impact.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


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14
14
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is my personal view of the piece. The suggestions below and purely that: suggestions.

*Penw*Impression:
I love the twist. Such a short piece, yet overflowing with so much emotion. It pulled on my heartstrings. Well done.

*Penw*Structure:
Clean. Beautiful imagery. Beautiful ending.

*Penw*Suggestions:
I've got nothing.

Write on and prosper!

Cheers,
Lilliy


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