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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lilwinterrose
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484 Public Reviews Given
584 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Honest, insightful and moving this piece is just wonderful. I love that you used a mouse to call mankind out. The piece flows like a symphony from the first word to the last. I am very taken by your use of rhythm and rhyme. This piece strikes a chord and touches my heart. Well done!


Write on!

Rose
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Review of Berserk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I would imagine that this little flight of fancy is why many children are petrified of clowns. These little ones can see the whole thing as it plays out in their tired blank stares.

This is a great story. It held my attention and I only thought for a second that I didn't know what I was going to write in terms of a review. I mean what, Mom would applaud a story about a clown going birzirk in an amusement park? I applaud the ending, I feel the clowns pain, we nurses often have the same sort of 45 second delusions when we are pulled back in on our way out to our cars...


Write On!

Rose









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Rated: E | (5.0)

Thank you for sharing your love and insight with us. This piece embodies faith in the most endearing way. It takes the reader along a playful path of courting and mystery. What is that "still small voice" that we should all hear? I love your style and your commitment to an honest and pure faith in the omnipresence of God. I too choose to tune in to that "still small voice"

Always Rose
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Review of Leave  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

One of the things that always attracts me to writing is honesty and true emotion. This piece embodies both of these. It is clear that this is written from a place of true fear and desire. I am not one to use my review to tell you about your ability to properly craft words with the English language. I would prefer to give you praise and encouragement for the way that your writing makes me feel, or what it has taught me about myself, or perhaps what insight it has given me into the author.

This piece is wonderful. I truly enjoyed reading it and sincerely hope that the act of writing it has given you the courage to embrace that sweet breeze. The little boy in the park never catches the pigeons and yet continues to chase them... You never know...

Always Rose
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Review of LINES  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello and thank you for submitting you piece for consideration in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest this month.


I really enjoyed your piece I like the playful circularity of it. I think that it is a very well constructed work of poetry that clearly highlights the reasons that you were chosen to be a Rising Star.

I especially liked the alliteration in the line "My heart is full of nostalgic nocturne"

Best of luck in the contest...

Write On!

Rose

Proud member of the Circle of Sisters!
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Review of FINALLY ALIVE  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning Deanna Rich,

It has truly been a pleasure to wonder around your port this morning. I must admit that I always fine pleasure and wonderful things when I visit the ports of my fellow Rising Stars. This visit has been no exception.

Finally Alive peaked my interest.
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In affiliation with Heavenly Roses  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
The end of an era, the creation of a martyr, the distruction of a beautiful young family and a hopeful country. This day shall forever be carved into the hearts and minds of many Americans.

It is interesting to read this piece that was written at the time by a young person on the brink of becoming a part of the adult world.
I wonder what a 17 year old today would write if placed in a similar situation. So much has been lost and denied and reinvented I am not sure what we might be presented with.

This piece is crisp clear and holds a great deal of emotion. It is very clear that the writer was overwhelmed with events and emotions. I think that it is admirable and wonderful that you wrote this at the time. I think that it is truly a blessing and a real credit to your character that you are willing to share it with us now.

Bravo,

You are right, we all lost someone dear. The sadder point is that we not only lost JFK we lost something even more precious. We lost our souls, on this day our country started on the path of grayness. This event is the point that started us for the total blur that is the definition of right and wrong today.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I pray that God has and will continue to bless you with the clear vision and pure heart that you had when you wrote this piece 47 years ago.

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Review of Welcome to Erebus  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What is it about the night? What is the allure of the unknown?

I am not sure that I have a clear answer for these questions. I certainly enjoyed reading your take on it all though. I thought that your use of the dark damp imagery was excellent. I also loved the way that the steps added to the depth of the emotion expressed in the piece.

This poem was a real success in conveying the rhythm that is hidden in the dark and the cold comfort that comes from embracing the dark.

"In the night I am unseen,
Exist below, beneath, between.
I am not heard or even missed
But met by streets that bend and twist.

I enjoy the night because
Of cold and wet and other flaws.
For in the night such loneliness
Becomes a cold, unflinching bliss."

A skillfully crafted portrait of the pleasure and comfort that can be found in the corners of a cold dark night.

Well done!

Angelina

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In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
First may I take a moment to offer you my hand. I wish that with this hand I could wash away the pain related to the loss of your love and help to elevate you to a place where there is only warmth, love, beautiful memories and the promise of eternity with all the love we've lost. God Bless you, my prayers are with you and your love now and for everyday forward.

This is a wonderfully sad and poignant piece of writing. The depth of emotion related here is almost painful for the reader. It is as if my empathic nature was magnified exponentially.

Your words are dripping with love and loss. You have created a beautiful memoriam with this piece and I am honored that you have chosen to share it with us here.

Your love is waiting and watching. Remember to make her proud and live for her...please whatever you do...Don't forget to LIVE...I am sure that she is wanting you to.

Always

Angelina

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well done!

This is a wonderfully dark and masterfully crafted look at the season of death. I am not sure that many people would even think of this angle. I love the way that you liken the season to a predatory animal. The imagery is nothing less than spectacular.

The language is deliberate and wll chosen . It is a well thought out epitaph for the life that is crushed with the falling of the leaves.

The metaphor is exquisite.

I am He who stalks Summer's riddled age,
striking in a spectacular display
of splattering essence and flying debris,
that leaves my prey in throes and gasping,
to catch its last warm breath.

I am She who is humbled by your talent and in awe of your skill. It is a pleasure to share this community with pens and minds such as yours.

Thank you!

Rose
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a beautiful passive aggressive anger this bit of poetry describes. I am not sure that anyone has been rebuked in words so flowery and beautiful before.

I see that you consider yourself new to poetry and you have requested feedback. You may be new but it seems that a higher power has given you a gift. An insight if you will. The way that you have woven poetry and sarcasm together in this piece is really unique and intriguing.

This is the most luscious and sweet venom that I have seen flow over a page in a long time. Maybe this is where the saying kill them with kindness came from.

I was happy to see that you have grown beyond the reaction that you so beautifully describe in the poem. Don't misunderstand me, it makes for great poetry but it is not so good for the human psyche and definitely not good for lasting loving relationships.

Overall, i think that you show great talent here and look forward to visiting your port and reading more of your work.

Write on

Rose

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Cherry Blossoms...one of the iconic symbols of Spring and America. The vision of the cherry blossoms in full bloom along Patomac River is one that is known by each and every American.

I enjoyed reading this piece. I believe that it has added something special to the images and writings already available for Cherry Blossoms.

I was especially fond of the phrase...

"white flowers stand against the dark brown bark of the fully bloomed cherry tree."

This piece adds to the romance and allure that these wonderfully fragrant blooms already hold. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to read this piece.

Overall a lovely little piece of tribute to nature and Americana. It serves to further prove the saying "Good things come in small
packages."

Write on

Rose

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Pick Me while I Am A Rose By Brenpoet

A Rose as a metaphor for a beautiful young woman...hmmm what could I possibly say?

I think that you have done this beautifully. You start out in a great place and move around the attributes of a rose swiftly like a honeybee. I am intrigued and encouraged to read onward by the rhythm, rhyme and meter of the piece.

I feel at points that you have stopped your muse from taking you to that ultimate secret place where all metaphors explode into their most perfect form. I think that you might consider rewriting the third lines of the second and final stanzas. I really feel that if you were truer to the rhyme in these two spots it would elevate the poem to a much higher level.

Overall this is a sweet and sexy poem about the flower of youth. Generally it is well crafted and quite worthy of praise.

Thank you for sharing this piece with all of us...I sincerely hope that you were picked while you were a rose...but honestly being picked even after the bloom has fallen from the bush can be quite a lovely and memorable experience.

Write on
Rose
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Review of Beach Scene  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem may very well have just sent be back into orbit. I hope that they left the bay doors open on the ship...

Beach Scene by Mitch

I am not really sure where to begin giving you my impressions of this masterful work of poetry. I can hardly breath, It was so well crafted. The choice of words and the way that they were joined together succeeded in leading me deeper and deeper into the paradise that this poem was weaving.

There is something completely incredible about a poem that paints such a perfect picture of how all the wonders of nature fit together so seamlessly.

I was especially fond of the part about the "sole soul." I have often felt like an intruder when I have had the honor of witnessing nature go on all around me. Nature is truly as you say divine and this poetic description is magical. You have taken ordinary words and transformed them into an outstanding poem.

Thank you for sharing your talent and incredible vision with us.

Write on,

Rose
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Pardon me if you wouldn't mind waiting for a second while I get this air tank stowed away good and proper. It is such a relief to be back in a friendly atmosphere. I just love wondering around the earthbound side of the site searching for things to read. Okay...thanks for your patience now...

As I Wander'd Lone Through Nature by Kraken

Ah... the down to earth style of our own beloved Walt Whitman is there anything more American. I feel that you have done a quite admirable job capturing his essence without seeming like a copycat.

The tone and the subject matter are just perfect, I feel that the language that you have chosen is quite inspired. It walks the line between lofty literary speech and everyday American English.

I was especially fond of the passage about the Minnesota snow flake.

Thank you for taking the time to try your hand at this style. It is a very sound addition to what is Americana today!

Write on...
Rose

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Hurley,
Buckle your seatbelts and get ready for a Power Shop Review...this may contain high voltage opinions and intergallactic praise and encouragment so may I suggest that you observe the no smoking sign and stow all loose belongings. All ready, then let's take off.

This is a story that combines the apathetic self absorbed nature of today's teen with the altruistic righteousness of the 1960 era teen. Our author skillfully crafted this and in a small way alluded to the undeniable circle of life. I think that it is interesting to see how the character of Nate who personifies the current day teen fits in with the new order rebel patriots of your story.

My suggestion related to this is to play this up. I think that you should play special attention to this and highlight what Nate does, what he is thinking and how he evolves/adapts to the radically different circumstances that he finds himself in the middle of.

This is a lot more than a short story that you started writing . This is an American saga that you have begun to craft. Please don't abandon it. This is the time and the place for such stories. People need to be reminded in every way possible how indomitable
the American spirit is. People need to know that even the teen that is spending hours in front of Assassins Creed is capable and more than that, hard wired to step up and do what ever needs to be done to protect what our fathers and their fathers worked to create.

Hopping off the soapbox now...I was a little worried as the story started out a bit slow. The good news is that after reading the entire piece I find that it started just the way that it needed to.

My suggestion for this part would be to play up the apathy a bit more and draw out the nostalgia that Nate is confronting all the way up until the point that he gets on the shuttle. Make sure that you get that nostalgic feeling in his house and not just in the middle school.

The characters are developing nicely. I would like to see you continue to use the quiet moments to develop them even more. Randolf, Lacey and Steve have extremely important stories to tell. I would suggest that you not gloss over them. Like I was saying from the soap box earlier. This is a very important story for the time that we are living in right now. I feel that it is important for each and every characters voice to be full and strong.

The dialogue, for me is just the right blend of literary perfectness and everyday blabber. It comes off truly conversational.

My suggestion in this area would be to be careful not to let any character really step on the voice of another totally. i understand in the course of the story that it may be important for one character or another to be dominant. Just make sure that you give the others an avenue to share themselves as well...dreams, asides, sarcastic quips whatever works.

Overall a strong begining to a compelling story. I lookforward to reading more.

Thank you for sharing your talent and vision with us.

Always,
Rose

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In affiliation with Heavenly Roses  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Your words are siren-like. They caress my mind and take me to beautiful times within my own life. I am not sure whether I liken this poem more to the feelings that I have for my most cherished of lovers or for the feeling that I had when I was finally able to relax and remember how close we could be to God when I was on Cape Cod this past summer.

What an amazing work of poetry this is. I can not limit myself to one small excerpt that I want to share. I think that everyone who appreciates poetry,,,,everyone who has ever loved or been loved...anyone who has ever wondered at the glory of God should read this piece. For I believe that each and every one of these people will believe that the piece was written especially for them.

Bravo my dear, and thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of passionate love with all the rest of us mortals.

Write on!

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Rated: E | (3.5)
I am really not sure where to begin

There are numerous misspellings and glaring grammatical errors. I am not an English teacher but this particular story is really in need of a good edit.

I think that the characters are cute enough but they could really use to be developed more.

Now on the bright side...the idea is great. I think that you have a good framework and some solidly good ideas. I think that you could add a few more things to give the reader the feeling that they are reading something from the future. Perhaps Serrony and Kyle could communicate without words when they were talking about sensitive things and only verbalize affirmations.

For example...something like...Surrony could tell that Kyle was thinking about Black Widow, she listened with her minds ear and sent back the most honest responses that she could manage.

"So you really think that is it?" Kyle chirped
"Yes that is the best thing you can do" Surrony replied

This technique would add a bit of mystery and a feeling of an advanced civilization.

Whatever you decide to do with the story. Please just make sure that you keep writing. That is the best way to get to the truth that you are meant to tell. Just keep on writing.

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Review of The Steps  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I read in your bio that you fancy yourself a storyteller. I can say with certainty that you are. Further, my dear friend, you wear the title well and do it proud.

The Steps by Sum 1

This is an absolutely charming story. The character development is excellent. i really enjoyed the different personalities that the various objects took on.

The story was compelling and worthwhile. So often, when you are done reading a short story there is nothing left of it. This story has an impact. It leaves the reader with some wisdom that they can apply to their own lives if they so choose.

The ending is just wonderful. I love the way that you use the literary techniques that we all learned in school with such natural ease and grace. o}

Just like the steps in this story you are a vital and important part of this community. I hope that you realize that there would be a large hole if you were not here sharing your stories with us.

My favorite part...

“Every one of you is wrong, yet each of you has a valid argument.” Step Four finally found the chance to jump in with his remark. “We are no more important than the house, nor should anyone ever think of us as something easily thrown away. Arch will agree with me I’m sure in what I’m saying. That meadow over there has a lot of memories for them.

A very well crafted story jammed packed with essential wisdom that we can all use in our own lives.

Write on!

Rose
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In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Evening fellow Rising Star, it is a pleasure to visit your port this evening.

Letter to My Child by A.T. Miller

I am not sure that I have the words to express the joy and peace that your letter brought to my heart. I can remember the time that I was waiting for each one of my children. I never had the foresight to write the little blessing a letter but if I had I would hope that it would have been only half as eloquent as this one.

You so perfectly capture the odd mixture of fear and amazement that rules the months between conception and delivery. I love that you verbalize that you cannot and actually do not wish to promise that your dear little one will have everything that his heart desires.

I cannot begin to tell you how much it made my heart smile when I realized that this letter was the thoughts, dreams and wishes of a father for his child. It is awesome to see a man this in touch and willing to share so openly.

This letter is proof positive for me that I am blessed to share this community with you. it is no wonder that you are a Rising Star. Your child is also blessed to have you as a Dad...I hope that you have been able to follow your plan and have totally enjoyed each other.

Congratulations and God bless you all!

Rose

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In affiliation with Heavenly Roses  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
You Rock! Thanks for the ideas and the helpful recipes. I have used the third one many times and the kids all love them...the first two are new to me but I will be sure to keep them handy.

I love it when you run into things that you thought only happened to you. The kind of things that it turns out were happening to all sorts of people in all sorts of places all over the world. Honestly we are never alone.

Thank you again for sharing a simple common sense solution to an all too common problem. I will add and I hope it will help someone as well...If you should end up in a situation where even these wonderful suggestions given to us by Kenzie don't help you pull off the miracle. Remember it is a teachable moment and just let your kids in on one of my favorite sayings..." Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

Write On,

Lil Winter Rose
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Review of MOUSE  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Heavenly Roses  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very straight forward charming little story. i can see the man finding the weather beaten box and seeing as the temporary reprieve from his mundane spring chores.

It is amazing and true that even the thing that would be nothing more than a terrible annoyance in one circumstance can be the reason for connecting with faith and a love of mother nature in another.

This story is well written and very pointed.

My favorite part...


I thought how like heaven it is to be in a cozy home surrounded by loved ones.

Thank you for sharing this story with us. i hope that everyone has the opportunity to reach out and offer the option of life to some lil creature this spring.

Write on,

Lil Winter Rose

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In affiliation with Heavenly Roses  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A truly lovely snapshot of a moment in the life of lovers. This poem creates a warm and loving moment and awesome passionate imagery.

I think that the new style suits you quite well. Your choice of words and the pictures that you create are really strong and well suited to the theme of the piece.

My favorite part...

Shining upon us as we dance,

In a lover’s embrace.

A toast of cheap wine in plastic cups,

Does life get better than this?



Upon the shores of Lake Pontchartrain,

In the quiet of predawn,

We kiss and share gentle whispers,

Promises of life and future.

Thank you for stepping out of your comfort zone and trying this new style. Thank you also for sharing it here with us. it has been a real treat.

Write on,

Lil Winter Rose

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Review of The Last Drop  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The insight and the depth of faith embodied here is laudable. As a cradle Catholic who has never really strayed too far from Home, I really enjoyed the mysteries explained and incorporated in this work of poetry.

It is a really interesting technique you use to speak to the few remaining drops of wine, As a Eucharistic minister, I always thought that I was mad when I would wonder what the wine thought. Honestly, I wondered if there were some sacred union of grapes where they aspired to become Sacramental wine.

I like the skillful way you take the words of our dear Lord and place then in a poetic frame. It seems to me that this work of poetry might be just what someone who has gone away needs to bring them Home.

My favorite part...{i

}It will not change into Jesus Himself.
(Not in it’s look, but it’s true self.
No longer wine, but the blood of the lamb.
The blood of God with right to damn,
But will to save.) This change won’t be for you.

Not you my friend, alas not you.
You slide back down into the glass vessel.
Never a heart will you nestle.
Were you once proud, on your vine so tall?
Were you plumpest? God takes the small.

A precious and beautiful definition of some of the most sacred tenants of faith. Thank you for channeling your talent in this most Holy way.

God Bless!

Lil Winter Rose

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Review of La' Guillotine  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A magnificent work of poetry. A portrait of faith and strength. It reminds me of the amazing young lady who, while staring down the barrel of a loaded weapon, chose to stand by her faith and proclaim her belief in God with her final words.

La' Guillotine By Demolition

This was a really great read. It is true enough to the history to ground it. The character of the woman is exquisite. It amazes me the way you are able to convey her essence so clearly and so quickly in the lines of a poem.

The imagery, meter, flow, and construction come together seamlessly to form a great experience for the reader.

My favorite part...

And of her guilt there was no doubt.
She walks her Passion Way.

Step by step she climbs the staircase,
Step by step, and she lifts her face.
She looks into my dying eyes,
But in her pride she never cries.
Unless the tears are gay.

She's beauteous in final prayer.
She begs reprieve from Satan’s lair.
She bows her head at God’s own name,
She blesses Him, The Three and Same.
Then bends to meet her God.

Well done is all there is left to say...

Please continue to share your talent and your vision with those of us here in this community.

Thank you,
Lil Winter Rose
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