This is really nice piece of writing. The only negative thing I have to say is that the 5th paragraph feels a little out of place. To me it seems like I'm suddenly beginning to read a biography; I'd rather read a "show, not tell" kind of story. Maybe saying who she is through her thoughts instead.
You did a great job! I liked how you used shorter sentences instead of streaming them all together.
Hi Brooke,
This piece of writing is very compelling and thought provoking. It's as if I can feel her sadness and the burdens she carries with her daily. The sentences flow nicely, which reminds me of tears. In conclusion, you did a great job. Keep the good work up!
~Livv
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/livv12
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 4:07pm on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
