This is great for a couple of reasons. 1. I like baseball. and 2. The title refers to something other than traffic. It's a cute poem. I can't think of any way to improve it. But I sure wish I had thought of this. Once upon a time I knew most if not all MLB team names and cities. The Astros are from Houston I think. Great job!
First off, this item is interesting. It shows how the human mind interprets the workings of a clock. Perhaps it's a description of how the clock might think. What caught my attention is that the verb changes without warning. Example: The sentence reffering to asking if the clock was lonely is off. The verb gone should be preceded by the some form of the word "have." It should read: You ask the clock if it was lonely when you had gone to sleep.
Another problem I saw is verbs being left out. Such as in the first paragraph. "You know that the thing ticking a clock." The verb "is" is missing.
Thank you for this article. I'm the first to admit that when it comes to reviewing I feel less than qualified. Until recently I had not been on WdC for quite a while and still am never sure of my qualifications as a reviewer.
In the spirit of reviewing though, I did notice one place you missed something.Almost anything you can do with a word processor, you can do with the review tool, including save you review, the 'r' in your is missing. :)
This is cute. I needed a laugh and this helped. The rymming is nice I like that and the flow it gives. When I need a lift durning the day Ican remember this and I'll smile. Good job. :)
I can feel the pain and numbnesss just as you discribed them. I know a little something about being depressed and your words are right on target. this poem is very touching and I'm glad I read it. Writing about such emotions helps to put them in persepctive and ease, if not alleviate them. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that deals with such issues. Thanks.
I watched this every year growing up. This quiz is fair and fun. Usually I don't remember a lot of things but this is great. These types of quizzes are fun to do and this one even more so.
Great setup of background here. There are just a couple of things I would have done differently. Don't me wrong, the main storyline is good. This is just my opinon. "Kristofferson, Dav, and Kam were best friends. They met in high school, and since then, loved each other very much. They had the bond that not a lot of people had, but at points, they each would stop and think, "it's crazy that they're my best friends," and would be truthfully astonished by that fact. They were nearly inseparable. " this part mught work better at the beginning of the first paragrah that way the reader "meets" the characters at first glance. The other thing is that your first paragrah was in partial present and future tenses but the second paragraph was in one tense. I hope this helps.
I love word searches. Actually, I love all forms of the written word but these puzzles are my favorite. This one was fun and challanging the best kind. There aren't enough words in the world to express any more enthusiasm so I will just say that I wish I could make these. Great job.
Overall it sounds like a good story. I love a good mysyery.
I don't know if you did it on purpose or didn't realize, but personally, I try to put dialogue in seprate paragraphs. i.e: "Mr.Campbell may I see you in my office please"? Blaine enters Diane's office,"Yes Ms.Ruzak what can I can do for you?" This exchange I would have split into two paragraphs. As I said, I have no idea if you knew or not.
Also, keep the tense the same throughout. 48 hours has come and both Blaine and Diane have scoped out the home and have negociated their entrance into the home. I'm used to sentences that say like this: Forty-eight hours HAVE passed. Perhaps the rest of the sentence could be divided into more sentences?
I don't pretend to know everything about writing These are simply suggestions that i have received over the years. Good luck :)
Absolutely incredible! This is the kind of thing i'd like to create. My heart pounded, my breath caught in my throat. I'd also like to read more of the story. The setup of the Perface is great. The dtail is really good. I want to know how, when, and why of the injury. Keep going :)
Okay, I never thought John Wayne would actually kill anyone but this was cool. It seems that that word was bound to be censored one way or another. Still, was a great read. It's fun to imagine what might have happened if today's limitations had been set back when True Grit was made. John Wayne just might have shot them all.
This story is funny; helarious even. Constant interruptions, yes, that's kids for you. While reading this I was imagining it happening. Oh lord, the ice cream bit is so on target. I smiled just reading the blurb and laughed reading the piece. This scene is so out of reality. It is a great pick me up for the blues.
This is great. Just the right touch of raw emotion. The discription is really nice like a scene from a novel. It gave me goose bumps. Your time away didn't hurt your ability, actually, a rest tends to make it better. But now that you're back Keep up the good work. :)
Very touching ending. Reads like a novel without all the descriptions. My heart lifted with hers. It's not as easy as some may think to write the way we do. Only other writers can understand or even come close to understanding what it takes to make the words come out just right. And you did it.
This is so cool. I especually enjoyed the list of sites. How did you find them? I've looked all over the net for sites like these. Thank you for including them in your article. What more can I say? It's a huge service you have done all of us. Thank You again.
Title: McShannon's Kin
Chapter: 1
Author: Jennie Marsland
Setting: Colorado. 1886
Characters: Sidonie, Uncle Tey, Aunt Beth, cousins Rochelle, Matt, Abby, and Ethan.
Referencing: using "aye" depicts Sidonie's Irish backgroud
Plot: Sidonie has arrivd for an extened visit with her Uncle and his family
Grammar: very good
General: An interesting-looking story. I love the cliffhanger at the end regarding her 'reason' for her visit.
Line Edit “Sidonie, were so glad you’re here.” Shouldn't that read 'we're'?
Last Comment: My curiousity is piqued.
Title: Larkin's Ranch
Chapter: 1
Author: Acer T
Setting: Hill Country, TX
Characters: Jenna Owens, Noah Prescott, Jenna's parents Terry and Tess, Stony Jackson, and Tiffany.
Referencing: The use of "Howdy" and a sense of knowing everyone.
Plot: Jenna is fresh out of high school and looking for a future. She wants to go to college but the funds are not available. A chance meeting with Noah lands her a job in a convienince store as a cashier. Noah works in the auto repair section for Stony Jackson and volunteers to be her ride to work.
Grammar: Very natural for Texas.
General: I love this. It's vibrant and exciting.
Line Edits: Why don’t we stay here and talk?”
Jenna nodded, but remained silent.
“So, what do you like to do for fun?” he asked.
She sighed. “I like going to the ranch on Saturday’s to help my father,” she acknowledged. “I help the other hands, so they get off work a little early.”
“Do you like movies?” He tried to catch her eyes, wondering why she continued to avoid his. He noticed a spark of excitement in her warm brown ones. He’d never seen anyone look that contented before. Most people constantly worried about things out of their control, and never saw any beauty around them. Jenna was different.
She nodded.
How have you been since school let out?” he shouted, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music, pulling her from the introspection.
“Fine, boring.” Shouldn't this say "bored?"
They sat in a booth and Noah waved to the waitress. “We'll have two strawberry shakes.” I didn't see the shakes brought to them.
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