It's very musical. I like the imagery, can almost visualize what the character is doing (like a music video. I just found the following line in the first stanza a bit out of place: "The cool air burns my face." It slows down the reader. The rest of the piece flows well with a good beat. I hope you have put this to music. It sure has the potential of being a song :)
Hey really cute, I was wondering what a tale of bravery this was going to be, and only when I reached the end did I get the full picture. I think now that the story is not up for a contest, you can write a little more and improve on it. The use of the word enemy somehow takes away from the tale. You could try and make it look like the brave Simon was facing a monster of some sort or a giant. You know keep the reader guessing till the end.
These are some very useful tips. I just wanted to add about the writing ml tags, a reviewer could use specific colors to highlight grammar errors, plot malfunctions etc. This would help the writer know where he/she needs to concentrate.
I've also found it useful when a reviewer tells you how you can improve on a plot. So instead of only saying the plot needs so and so, the reviewer can go ahead and suggest a few ideas. It will help the reviewer also when he/she is writing.
Also many a time when a review is given, the reviewer should make it a point to begin a new point in a new paragraph. This is so that the writer is not attacked by one bulk of text. It really is not encouraging to read such a review.
Well all said and done, I hope more people review the works of the writers here at writing.com, it helps build up the community :)
This is an interesting system to encourage new writers. It also helps those who review, however, could you also mention some rules on what and how to review. Most of the time its not difficult to write 250 words, but what is a good review and what helps a writer improve his/her work is something that will tell him where s/he needs to improve. If you could just add a few pointers here so that people give a meaningful review it would be helpful to both writers and reviewers.
Arch you are amazing. This story in a first person account is stunning and touching. Keep at it, looks like we have something better than a J.K. Rowling here.
nicely combined computer language with the idea of friendship. I think you need to polish up the language a bit, but a nice and unusual imagery used here for friendship. Good job!
I sometimes catch myself thinking all these things. I like the way the last line of each stanza creates an impact after the suppossedly tame lines preceeding the last line. There is just one thing, you have capitalized every word at the start of a line even when most of the words come after a comma.
E.g.
Sometimes I think about insanity, and freedom,
And dreams, and my mind, and if I really have one or not,
And I wonder if this is all a dream I’m having while
Still in my mothers womb, or if I’m merely part of
Someone else’s dream, or if it really matters anyway,
‘Cause all I really want is to understand where I am.
in the above stanza " if I’m merely part of Someone else’s dream," I think it should read as one sentence yet someone appears capitalized. I might be wrong you may have deliberately capitalized these words but I just thought I'd mention it to you.
A very well written piece and I agree with you all the way. People often forget that the theory of evolution is a theory, even when they call it a theory. They think that it is a fact already proved by science. My one question has always been that if this theory is true then how come we are not still evolving, why has evolution suddenly stopped? But then there will always be those who continue to believe in this theory simply because it is easier to do so.
Anyway, this was a good article, and I liked it.
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