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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lyndac
Review Requests: OFF
13 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm not a critical reviewer, nor do I have the expertise to critique style or grammar. However, I do feel very strongly about the characterization, deep-motivation and satisfying resolution in the case of most fiction genres.
I'm good at...
I'm good at giving my honest opinions, giving the writer a true sense of how their work struck me as a reader.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Fantasy, and Scifi are my favorites. But I read across many other genres, as well.
Least Favorite Genres
Poetry, technical, legal, and essays
Favorite Item Types
Short segments or chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
Long reads of any type. Over 2500 words
I will not review...
Erotica
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This has an interesting start. Although I know nothing about the scientific aspects, I get that there is a lot more going on than appears on the surface. You did a good job of foreshadowing a bigger and adventurous plot ahead. At least, I think that's were this is going.

Your dialogue was believable and easy to read, not forced or contrite. You used dialog tags and character action to reinforce the impact of what was being said. This always makes for good reading.

I'm not a grammar expert, but I saw nothing that jarred me out of your story. And I liked your word choices and active verbs.

If there were one thing that I think could enhance this chapter and give it the WOW factor it needs to make a reader keep turning pages, it would be an ending hook. Use the last part of the scene, the last paragraph or the last sentence to grab the readers attention and give them a reason to continue.

The fact that Peter wasn't able to give Liam the information he was so excited about was a good lead into a hook. Instead of saying Peter just left, give us his last thoughts as he's leaving. Something like - "Would Liam be able to handle the news when he found out?" or "Maybe he shouldn't really say anything until they'd stabilized the Orgone." These are just examples but I think they illustrate what I'm talking about. Since this is your story, you'd know what's coming next and can build the best hook to keep your reader engaged.

I enjoyed this first chapter and will read more of this story later.

Keep Writing!
Lynda
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Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so interesting and written in a concise way that allows a non-brainy person like myself to better understand the world I live in. Of course, all this awesome information just brings up more questions for me. I believe there is design in everything, so, there has to be a reason why we have more matter and energy that is invisible than visible. Oh my! that will give me plenty of food for meditation.
3
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Review of Megan's Ballroom  Open in new Window.
Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Princess Megan. Your port is beautiful, inspiring, and I'm so jealous! I could only dream of creating such a space with so much diversity. May you always be surrounded by handsome princes, magical kingdoms, and creative energy.
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Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Review Request: Crossing The Chasm
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2141248 by Not Available.
5
5
Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an entertaining and insightful recounting of an issue that befalls us all. I loved the questions and answers you gave while keeping me in stitches with the inevitable progression of events. I've been on both sides of that door, so-to-speak, and it's a comedy of errors no matter the position your're in. Really nice piece.
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Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Once upon a time there was a writer who yearned to create a perfect story that everyone would love. Everyday, she sat with her fingers poised above her computer's keyboard ready to begin. One day, she realized that she'd not completed even one page of her perfect story. Because of that, she vowed to give up her dream of writing. Until finally, a very wise and accomplished writer gave her an invaluable snippet of wisdom. "You, nor I, nor anyone else will ever write the perfect story that everyone will love. Because there exists nothing that is perfect and flawless is our world. We write what we know and dream. Flawed though it may be, it's simply, beautifully, originally ours to tell.
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Review of Hanging On  Open in new Window.
Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
So thoughtful and honest. Really enjoyed reading this. Though I'm not a poet, I do appreciate poetry that strikes a chord in either mind or heart.
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Review of Untitled  Open in new Window.
Review by LyndaC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
A very intriguing beginning. Nice descriptions and I love the chill of the season as it sets up the "chill" in the character's circumstances.
I've added a few of my thoughts in parenthesis. Nothing complicated, just some initial thoughts as I was reading your piece.

It is not the chill in the air that summons the winter season. Many a night I recall being wrapped in a blanket roasting marshmallow’s by the campfire with my parents. Laughing and giggling with my sister as we stared up at the late July sky,(I WOULD CLARIFY WHAT PART OF THE WORLD YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE WHERE I LIVE, JULY IS A MONTH OF SCORCHING TEMPERATURES. SO FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU WERE IN THE LOWER HEMISPHERE, YOU COULD INJECT...STARED UP AT THE LATE JULY SKY OVER SOUTHERN AUSTRALIA etc.) watching the disappearing act of lights behind the summer leaves as the wind blew aimlessly through the branches.I long for the comfort of my family and the safety that I felt back then.

(I WOULD MAKE THIS A NEW PARAGRAPH) Now I sit here, staring out of a dusty window watching the lights again flicker. It is not the leaves that they hide behind today, for the leaves have since fallen to the ground giving way to the true change of seasons. Nor is it the sky I am looking at. I can see through the stands of trees without interruption, perhaps 100 yards. It is there I can see the lights peek out from behind trunks and dance their way to hide behind another. The air is cold, but that is not why I am frozen in place. The flicker of my candle does nothing to warm my senses; I stare silently gripping the tattered blanket tightly hoping those lights move on. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes like hours. I doused out my tiny flame, getting rid of any possible sign that someone is hiding in this room. There are three lights, and they are moving with purpose through the woods. I again hear laughs, but these laughs are not of my darling sister. Her blonde pigtails and red ribbons are gone, these are deep foreboding laughs and they are coming in my direction.
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