Brilliant, nice structure, rhyme and pace. The wording captured the visualization of real infantry waiting for battle, you could feel doubt, fear and sense of duty. The tension mounted as the gates open, a nice setup for the final verse.
The explanation was very helpful as it did clarify the age group. I have an 8th grade daughter who just started school so I can relate to this poem. My only critic would be to somehow incorporate the age group into the last verse.
The story so far is intriguing, AI enhancements will give you a lot of room for creativity. The dialogue between the character's is well done and I think you've done a great job of capturing how age in reflected in how they relate to each other. I did notice the Stiker's name changed to Strider or was that a different character?
You could add more of how Alexa feels as she adapts to her AI changes, it would help us become more familiar with her character.
Good expression of characters and conversation between son and father. Speaking in 1st person can be challenging but I think you did it very well. Nice work on developing the characters and their thoughts/feelings.
To help make it more readable considering using double spacing between paragraphs. And separate out the conversations into their own paragraph.
I did notice what appears to be an inconsistency, the opening speaks of the fathers death, however in the end he seems to still be alive. Perhaps I missed something?
This a wonderful read, great descriptive details. And a very nice flow and setup for what comes next. Something unique is coming, looking forward to finding out what.
Read this several times and I can understand the first and last paragraph, both very cleverly written. The two middle paragraph's were a bit harder to comprehend for me. I sense something lost and things chased in vain. Regardless, it was an enjoyable read --thank you
I can tell this a big moment in your life and the uncertainty of tomorrow is unsettling. You've expressed the emotion well and captured what thinking and feeling, well done
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| (4.5)
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