A touching and thought-provoking piece. I like the viewpoint of a best friend looking in on the suicide, as most stories about suicide are focussed solely on the person who is dying. I can feel the emotion in this piece, you have used very emotive language and it's very powerful. Maybe a couple of errors, or sentences that sound odd, could do with changing, but otherwise it's a beautiful short story.
Good story! I liked the storyline, the moral message and the mysterious situation. The devil character was brilliant: tempting and evil at the same time. An interesting and thrilling narrative style is seen throughout, which I enjoyed, with the devil speaking and the protagonist thinking. The last line is excellent, truly summing up the story. Great dark imagery, and light too. There were some mistakes, so try to iron those out- just grammatical or spelling. Fab!
Brilliant short story, starting so simply and innocently and building to a great tragic climax.
I love the pace, it works brilliantly, and the dialogue is sweet and to-the-point. I feel a bit gutted for John, but it's a very good twist.
Brilliantly witty and original. I love the incongruity throughout and I'd like to find out the embarrassing things one has to do to make it to a ranch with no money :) I think there was maybe a little too much that was simply skimmed over and some more detail would have been nice, but the slightly-sarcastic authorial voice is wonderful. I love your humour, it's very British (and I'm English, so I know). A good length for a short story too, I think, as it was just long enough to keep my interest.
Well done, keep it up!
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