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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/maggiecarroll
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6 Public Reviews Given
28 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of I am Aware  Open in new Window.
Review by Maggie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lover

This is honest and true and rich with innuendo...

I like how you run things together because it makes me think that is how your relationship with this person is...all run together, good and bad, real and imagined.

Just a few tweaks I might make if I were rewriting...please remember this is in my voice, not yours, but cleaning up some of the unnecessary words might polish things up and make it more obvious what you seem to be getting at...that you realize this person has feelings they are not admitting they have...

Then again, changing it may result in you not saying things exactly like you wish...

I Am Aware

You went away from me maybe forever...When I say hi you say whatever...You look away like I'm not there...You look at me like you dont care...Still I am aware of that one lone night when we ran away and everything was right...Now that night is over and I'm missing you...I so wish you would miss me too...

Please know I like the candidness and sparseness you have brought to one of the eternal quandries of love...

Blessings,
Maggie
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Review of break up  Open in new Window.
Review by Maggie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Rain
You seemed to pour your pain into this poem. I like that the poem's character seemed to be moving on and recognizes no longer needing to believe her lover's lies.

One idea on a way to end is to let the reader know you are onto this guy...for example

your lies were never true
distant eyes were icy blue
and cold

this is starting to get old...
good thing it's over, I suppose

Good luck with your poetry!
Maggie
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