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214 Public Reviews Given
244 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Desert Mirages  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is ..."interesting". I was a little confused in the first section: Morty ordered "to go" but sat down and ate his nachos, then asked for a to go box. You might want to consider adding some more detail to that, maybe he ordered nachos, too? Or did he take them from his to go bag?
In the second section it says his bus card failed but he sat down and went somewhere? That, too is confusing...did the driver let him ride anyway? Where did he go?
I'm definitely curious to read more, I have too many unanswered questions about the characters and what they are doing and where they are going.
Thanks for the read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of Form  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hmmm...waves?

Magi
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
How perfect! I teach high school robotics and the them this season is "SteamWorks" here is a link to the game animation https://goo.gl/snjK2E and 75K GPs!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Death is More Taxing than We Think.Open in new Window.
Overall Impression
Your poem has a nice feel to it. It does make one think.

What I liked *Thumbsup*
Your imagery is very good.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*
There is nothing I disliked about your piece.

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*
The only "suggestion" I can provide, may or may not be relevant. In the last line you used the "sewed"...while the image of sewing is interesting, it is not usually associated with "oats"...the term more commonly used is: "sowed" as in "sowing seeds".

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

Keep writing, you have a thoughtful "voice". I hope to read more!
Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of The Enigma  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"The EnigmaOpen in new Window.

~
Overall Impression *Check1*: Aaagh! Where's the rest? I will anxiously await the sequel!!! *Wink*

Opening *Check5*:

Your opening set the scene very well. It caught my attention and drew me in.

Characters & Dialog *Check2*:

Your dialog was appropriate to the characters and helped move the story along, although I would have liked to "hear" Marceline.

Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation *Check3*:

I did not notice any glaring grammar or spelling errors.

Plot *Check4*:

Great plot and a well developed mystery, very intriguing!

Suggestions for Improvement *Check5*

The only suggestion I have is a request ...please, write the next part soon!
~

Keep Writing! *Smile*Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"This Thin Blue LineOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression:

Very moving...*Cry*

What I liked *Thumbsup*

The pace of your poem was perfect, smooth from stanza to stanza.
Your rhyme scheme was subtle and fit seamlessly.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*
There was nothing about this piece I didn't like...other than the fact that it needed to be written...if only it was not.

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*
I have no suggestions that would improve this piece.

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you stay and enjoy the lovely reads as well as writing more for us to see!

Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of Strange Forces  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Strange ForcesOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression

What I liked *Thumbsup*
Nice flow and imagery

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*
There was not any specific thing that I did not like about this piece.

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

I would make a couple of suggestions that might improve the flow while assisting your reader's comprehension.
Your use of the word "duress" is confusing, your intent is not clear...you might want to re-visit that particular word choice.

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

I really like your thought process and your word choices.

Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of The Space Between  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
"The Space BetweenOpen in new Window.

~
Overall Impression *Check1*: A touching tribute, fiction, or not. Well written with the right touch of honesty and bravado. A very good read.
*Smile*
Opening *Check5*:
Your opening sets the tone quickly and efficiently.

Characters & Dialog *Check2*:

Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation *Check3*:

I noticed some minor grammatical/spelling issues that could use some attention.

Layed: 1st section and second section
You might review the use of "lay and "lie", as well as the proper conjugation of the verb - laid is past tense of lay and is normally used with objects. In the second usage, you do not need "had"

"ont he" and "int he" and "coupleof" : these are present in a couple of places...a simple typo...if you can, you might consider using the "spell check" function of your word processing program to catch these.

Number words of ten or less should be spelled out

"...make official..." needs an article, you could add, "it" between those two words

"...and suffereing than...bare." "suffering" is the proper spelling and "bare" should be 'bear'


Plot *Check4*:

Without knowing whether this is based on a real experience, or not, the "plot" flows nicely, the "mystery" of what is going to happen is well hidden until the very end. I was pleasantly surprised by the ending.

Suggestions for Improvement *Check5*

You have a little redundancy that weakens some of the wording and becomes distracting for the reader.
ex: first sentence "...at my surroundings"- could just delete that phrase; third sentence: "a deep breathe" if you are "inhaling" it is obviously a "breath"-could replace it with "deeply". Also, you "paused" in the first sentence then "stopped" in the fifth, without starting between.
Second paragraph: "...overpowered my mind..." you might consider changing that to "...overpowered me..."

Last paragraph of the first "section": "...died out my..." this could be stronger with ta simple "put out"
also, the transition to memory is pretty abrupt...I was not sure of the time frame until the third section...a little confusing.

It might be helpful to review the use of apostrophes, as well...in more than one instance you put them in where they are not needed. ex: partners...this is plural, not possessive; and "its" does not need one unless it can be written "it is"

In one place you refer to the "majestic oak" then later say that it is dead...you might want to make it more clear that it is one or the other.
~
I think this is a wonderful story. I hope I am not being too picky. All of these are minor alterations that should make your writing stronger.

Thank you for a great read!
Keep Writing! *Smile*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"Children of ForeverOpen in new Window.

~
Overall Impression *Check1*:
*Smile* Cool! A great story!

Opening *Check5*:
The opening is just esoteric enough to grab the reader's attention. Good job!

Characters & Dialog *Check2*:
Minimal dialog that fit the writing style just fine.

Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation *Check3*:
I did not see any errors in these areas.

Plot *Check4*:

Great plot! I loved the circular nature.

Suggestions for Improvement *Check5*
I would not dream of suggesting changes! Although, I will be anxious to see the novel! *Bigsmile*
~

Keep Writing! *Smile*

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
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Review of The pain within  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
"The pain withinOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression
A succinct insight into the soul!

What I liked *Thumbsup*
I really liked was the complete picture you managed to portray in so few lines.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*
While it's really not for this category...I will be looking for the cause of the "The noise, the cacophony,
the devilish laughter, the animal ways"


Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*
I have no suggestions or corrections.

Final Thoughts *Gift5*
I have read some of you other work and this does not disappoint. Thank you for sharing!

Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
11
11
Review of Solitude  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
"SolitudeOpen in new Window.

~
Overall Impression *Check1*:
This story reminds me of a similar time in my own life.

*Smile*
Opening *Check5*:
Very good opening sentence, it "hooked" me immediately.

Characters & Dialog *Check2*:
The main character is well developed through her internal dialog, as well as her self talk.

Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation *Check3*:
I noticed one little grammar issue. In the opening sentence of the eighth paragraph:
The bookshelf contained so wide of a selection of long-postponed volumes that her choice was difficult.

The "of" is misplaced and should be deleted.

Plot *Check4*:
A bittersweet tale that plays itself out too many times in our culture. Thank you for your sensitive portrayal.

Suggestions for Improvement *Check5*
I have no suggestions to improve your tale.
~

Keep Writing! *Smile*

For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
"An Invention Extension, PreventionOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression
Awesome! It took me a few seconds but, I got it!

What I liked *Thumbsup*

I loved this line:
It failed--to my disturb-ment!


What I did not like *Thumbsdown*
There was not anything I did not like! Good job!

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*
No suggestions...I did not notice anything that could be improved.

Final Thoughts *Gift5*
I really enjoyed this delightful poem. Thank for sharing it!

Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"Looking Back - Day OneOpen in new Window.

~
Overall Impression *Check1*:
*Confused* I am not certain if this is prose or or truth.
Opening *Check5*:
A very good opening that catches the readers attention.
Characters & Dialog *Check2*:
There was no dialog, as such. The narrating character is becoming well developed as the chapter comes to a close and a hint of the daughter is revealed. Good job!
Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation *Check3*:
I did not notice anything in these areas that required comment.
Plot *Check4*:
It is a little hard to say much about the plot since I am not certain this is fiction. If it is fiction...you have done an awesome job creating a realistic situation and extremely believable characters. If it is non-fiction...I can only weep with you. While I have never had to deal with this situation with a child, I have lived with mental illness in the person of my mother. This is a very moving piece of writing, I applaud you!
Suggestions for Improvement *Check5*

~

Keep Writing! *Smile*
Ms.Magi Author Icon
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14
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
"~Where Evil DwellsOpen in new Window.

Overall Impression

Definitely a dark them! Your rating is right on!

What I liked *Thumbsup*

I particularly liked the image from these lines:
They are littered puppets, their strings tangled and frayed.
Nothing more, than dewy-eyed demon's playthings.


What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

While this is not my favorite genre, I cannot say there is anything about your piece that I did not like!

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

In the second line you use the word "wonder" (as in: I wonder where I put my car keys?), in this context I think you may have meant to use "wander" (Small children must be watched lest they wander away and get lost).

You have some rhymes but, I could not determine your rhyme scheme...maybe there wasn't one and the rhymes were unintentional?

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

I'm glad your muse has returned! *Bigsmile*
Thanks for the interesting read!
Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
"There's Many Things In Ireland To Make..Open in new Window.

Overall Impression

This is a lovely,lilting,tribute to a land that is obviously loved dearly!
What I liked *Thumbsup*

Your imagery is perfect! I can almost smell the gentle waves, and hear the Celtic music tinkling throught the air.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

I did not like that I could not hear the song! *Wink*

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

No suggestions or corrections needed, as far as I can tell.

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
16
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"A Holiday AdventureOpen in new Window.

~
Overall Impression *Check1*:
*Smile* & *Shock*
Opening *Check5*:

Your opening did an excellent job of grabbing my attention and leading me into the meat of your story.

Characters & Dialog *Check2*:

Your characters were well developed for such a short story and your dialog did an excellent job of moving the story along. If you were to do a revision, you might want to consider altering the language to emphasize the "alien" aspect of your characters.

Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation *Check3*:
I did not notice any errors in these areas. Good job! *Thumbsup*

Plot *Check4*:

Great plot! I knew the objects described were common, everyday items but, could not deduce their identities! I loved your plot twist, as well.

Suggestions for Improvement *Check5*

I cannot think of any suggestions other than those listed above. I look forward to reading more of your work! Well done!

Magi
~

Keep Writing! *Smile*

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Review of Never be consumed  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"Never be consumedOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression

Another soul saved by a random fact of the universe!

What I liked *Thumbsup*

The ray of hope that ended your piece was my favorite.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

Nothing I did not like! *Wink*

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

You made a great start with this piece. It might benefit from a couple of editing passes. One to add some commas to give the reader a chance to catch her breath. The second to tighten your wording. Poetry is a medium that celebrates terseness. The use of the fewest words to generate the emotions/ideas/images the author is eliciting.


Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Life Blows  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"Life BlowsOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression
Interesting "stream of consciousness" style.

What I liked *Thumbsup*

I appreciate your use of the ending syllable to start the next word, well done!

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

Nothing I disliked but, you might consider a second version that adds a trifle more for the reader, maybe a few more words for each line?

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

You might want to edit this piece and include a "rating". The system will restrict your poem from a lot of readers if you do not.

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

You have an excellent "voice" and I will be looking for more from you!
Write On!

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Review of end  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
"endOpen in new Window.

Overall Impression

Nice flow, overall.

What I liked *Thumbsup*

I liked the hope you express at the end, wanting to start over.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

There really was not anything I disliked about this piece.

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

I think you may have left out a couple of apostrophes. The first is in the second line of the second stanza: I think you meant to write "I'll" rather than "ill". The second was in the second line of the third stanza: "lets" should be "let's" (this is a common mistake, the apostrophe is used to replace the "u" of "us" in "let us").
Final Thoughts *Gift5*

Your rhyme scheme is a little sporadic, without a definite pattern (not that it has to have one!). Most times poems with rhyme schemes have a pattern of some kind, even if it not always obvious.

Write On!

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Review of Ignite  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"IgniteOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression
You expressed some pretty complicated, intense concepts/emotions with s relatively few, well-chosen words! Well done!

What I liked *Thumbsup*

I particularly liked your juxtaposition of contradictory words. You conveyed some complex feelings in a fresh, effective manner.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

This piece has a "prose" feel that is somewhat at odds with the poetic flow and rhyme scheme.

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

Other than a re-write to reduce the "prose" feel, I cannot think of any other corrections.

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

Keep up the excellent work. I think you have a very interesting "voice" that will provide many a good read!

Write On!

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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This was fun! *Bigsmile*
This "quiz" was a great way to discover if I am doing my reviews correctly.

While a couple questions were a tad leading, overall they were well written and provided a fun way to judge your understanding of good reviewing.

Thanks!

Magi

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Review of Kissing You  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Kissing YouOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression:

This is a lovely poem, full of the tenderness of a first romance! Well done!


What I liked: *Thumbsup*

Your rhyme scheme blended naturally with the flow of your words.

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

Nothing I did not like!

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

No suggestions that would improve this!

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

I will reserve judgment on whether this is the best one you have written, until I read some more! *Wink*

Write On!

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.
23
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Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
"The Phantom Of The HallowsOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression:

*Shock* Wonderfully spooky!

What I liked *Thumbsup*

I loved your imagery, a little like "Sleepy Hollow" but unique at the some time!

What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

Nothing I didn't like!

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

No suggestions...the poem is just right!

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

This is a great read aloud for those nights around the fire when you want to ell ghost stories!

Write On!


** Image ID #1487224 Unavailable **
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Review of Roses  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"RosesOpen in new Window.

~
Overall Impression *Check1*:
*Shock*Great suspenseful story!

Opening *Check5*:

Your opening was just right. It caught my interest immediately and I was drawn deftly into the story.

Characters & Dialog *Check2*:

Not a lot of dialog, it wasn't really needed. The dialog you did have was appropriate and aided the progression of the story.

Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation *Check3*:

I spotted a couple of things that might warrant a second look.

1. In the second paragraph you say: "even though it spoke of the icy winter roads that followed it" the use of the second "it" is a little awkward, see how it reads without it.

2. In the third paragraph this phrase, "...and the fourth grade party that lay there." is a tad awkward, as well. a party doesn't usually "lay". You could delete everything after "party" and the sentence would be much stronger, and the image a little more vivid.

Plot *Check4*:

Excellent plot! I think you could easily expand this to more chapters and have a superb horror story.

Suggestions for Improvement *Check5*
Only the ones listed above. Great job, excellent suspense!
~

Keep Writing! *Smile*

** Image ID #1487224 Unavailable **
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Review of Where Evil Dwells  Open in new Window.
Review by Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Where Evil DwellsOpen in new Window.
Overall Impression

Very spooky and appropriate for the season!

What I liked *Thumbsup*
I liked you rhyme scheme, as well as the rhythm of your poem. I particularly liked these lines:
"They wait to cast their demonic spells,
in the black home where evil dwells."

and I loved your illustration! Perfect!


What I did not like *Thumbsdown*

Not a single thing!

Suggestions/Corrections *Exclaim*

No suggestions!

Final Thoughts *Gift5*

I really liked it, it truly struck the perfect note for the season!

Write On!

Magi

Ms.Magi Author IconMail Icon
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