An extremely lovely slice of life story with all the happiness and sadness that touches each of us as we go through life. To me what is outstanding in this story is the way it was written with such respect and love. I admire the author and all the other members of her family for never forgetting the smiling mother standing on the kitchen chair. Well done! Please stop over at my port. I would appreciate it.
Maretta
There is quite a bit of imagery in this story. Some of it is quite beautiful. The story is interesting but, at times, it is somewhat confusing. I think you need to think it out a little more and go over every sentence word by word. It is to good of a story to waste, and thats what writing is about at times.
Tweak, tweak again, and it will all come together. Keep writing.!
Maretta
Unfortunately, the last thing we keep is our sweet tooth from youth, but its all not bad. A strawberry shortcake or a piece of chocolate cake now and then ,can help us appreciate life. I know we can't feel the same awe we did as children ,when we received a red flyer {roller skates} for me. or saw ourselves as knights or{movie stars again, for me.} but think of all the stories we have to tell, all the memories, the precious times, true they are past but you as a writer can find joy once again in writing about them as you have in this winsome, sweet poem.
Maretta
In this insightful small poem, you have managed to spell out what life is all about, and if everyone read this, and lived this way, itt would be a much safer and happier world to live in. With a few short stanzas you have nailed it, and you have cheered me up too.
Maretta
This scary story of your driving teacher ,happens more than we will probably ever know. You have expressed well your feelings as a young girl ,who trusts everyone who is an authority figure, because they are grown up. i am older than you, and I think every women has come up against this at some time or other. In todays world I think {but not always} most girls are better informed and would speak more freely about these encounters.. I hope so. My little grand daughter is just going into middle school and it frightens me so. Well told.
Maretta
Maretta here. After reading one piece of your work, I had to stop by to read another. For what it's worth Sir, I very much think you are a gifted writer.The poem you have written about your daughter is inspiring and heartbreaking. I too, know how it is to lose a child.My beautiful oldest son lost his hopeless fight with ALS almost 4 years ago. I. Just finished one, I have written about him when he was a little boy. I would appreciate it if you would read it.
I love the lines"Your mother dreamt you dressed in lace with ribbons in your hair; Now stars dance on your robes-your locks caress the morning air." My son was an artist ,and although I can't express it so beautifully, I often think of him painting the beauty of heaven.
What a wonderful, beautiful tale you have woven! You have told an age old story and made it seem new. Your lovely prose with its poetic lilt is a pleasure to read. I have been trying to boost my Gp's and found this reward page. Not only did the rewards help but I have found so much lovely writing that it is most inspiring. Finding your piece this morning was a great start to the day. I truly think it is one of the most innovative,beautiful stories I have read.
Please stop over at my port, if you will. I will be looking in on you again.
Maretta
A lovely laugh to start off the day. Your 'Humpty Dumpty" story is really funny. When reading it I could just see the wheels turning as you tried to come up with the right answers and i can see Ian wondering what color he would be. Lovely!
Please read my entry if you will.
Maretta
Looks like the beginning of an interesting story of a family of sisters. Each one seems to have a special quality which makes them indispensable to each other and their lives are entwined. We shall go on from here.
A short Flash Fiction, one of my favorite kinds. Great descriptions, especially of your dinner. One could almost feel your pain. Loved the twist at the end. One thing is certain we can never be certain of other peoples taste. Especially your wifes.
Love this beautiful, well written , faith based piece. I loved it even more, because I have felt this in my life on more than one occasion. After some time goes by, you begin to wonder did this really happen? but then you look back and remember the very moment and all of a sudden you are living it again, and your heart is opened to the wonders you have witnessed once more. What a blessed gift your Dad was given.
Forgive this shameless plug but I have written two of my stories about blessings received. One is "The Gift" and one is "The Caretakers"
I read your bio and know that you are a student and want to write anything, and everything. Well, I'm here to tell you "You are a writer" and this is a lovely story. I enjoyed reading this sensitive, well thought out piece. I enjoyed the setting, the characters, and the descriptions Having said this, to make this story ready for notice, or publication, you must go through it sentence by sentence and edit it.Try and remove all the buts such as in ex:
"I felt like a creepy stalker. What she was doing, her dance, was so beautiful, so honest, so revealing. I almost wanted to apologize for seeing it. I knew this was stupid. You have a few of these 'buts." Read each sentence and you will notice they aren't needed. Also, something I have to make
learned the hard way, sometimes THAT is necessary but again read every sentence and you will notice that at times a sentence does not need that
and can be a complete sentence without it.
One more remark, lovely ending.
Maretta
Dear I.B. Guilty ,
I am writing you today to let you know you have given me a smile and even an out loud chuckle.This epistle is well written and I hope the local defense attorney is sympathetic and you will get out of that dam town while you still have some money in the bank.
With hope and sympathy,
Maretta
A lovely, positive, uplifting piece and how fortunate these children were to have you enter their lives. What an innovative way you used to open these children's lives and heart. "Music and cookies." A wonderful combination and I love when "the heavens opened up and the parents also
carried food and costumes to school. "Everyone needs to be respected and needed and even these parents recognized this.
I loved every word of reading this well written piece, and will read more soon. Please stop over at my port. if you have time. I'd appreciate it.
Maretta
well written, almost picture portrait of life in prison.Each short two lined stanza portrays another truism. Observations well thought out, such as
"It seems that people have forgotten, I suspect,
how to treat others with a little respect."
Loved the twist at the end.
Maretta
I think this is a very impressive piece of work and one that everyone should read. As in many religions and philosophies, the truthfulness and glory of God has been changed to fit man's sinful thoughts and deeds, such as the Holacoust, the Inquisition, Hitler'd persecution of the Jews and anyone who did not abide by his way of thinking, the burning of witches in puritanical time etc. and so forth. We could go on and on. The reason for these actions, I believe does not stem from the faith and belief, but from greed, envy,excessive egotism, cruelty and the need to rule by any means possible.
In the Christian Bible it says; {to paraphrase}1. Love the Lord with you your whole being. 2. Love your neighbor as yourself. There are 10 commandments but on these two make obeying the others possible. I believe this is expressed similarly in the old testament. and would not be to surprising to find something like this in the Koran. Well thought out and written piece of work.
While looking around this site on a beautiful Sunday morning, I found your loving well written contest story. You have told the story so simply, yet allowing us to feel and understand your feelings. I have read your work before and always enjoyed it very much.
Maretta
Your story is similar to mine in some ways. I use mine to remember my mom and keep her part of my life., as you do your grandmother. It's interesting to find out how we choose our names.
I am giving you a 4 rating- because I think you have a premise for a very good story here, and I like the way you express yourself. Having said this, I know, you know, this story needs to be edited. You have to decide where one thought ends and another begins, making paragraphs in your writing, and then separating the paragraphs by a blank line. It will make it so much easier to read. and coherent. The title of this story is great and what made me read it in the first place. Keep writing and I'd like to read this again.
This study of your observation of the groom in this story is quite wonderful. Very moving ,and the twist at the end almost heart breaking. I can truthfully say I was so taken up in this tale I didn't think twice about punctuation errors etc.
[Except for the fact that spaces between paragraphs make it easier to read.} Never the less this would make a great flash fiction and I rate you a five.
Maretta
This is a lovely piece of writing ,as can be attested to by the award you received. I wanted to tell you what a great character you have created in :Alice'. You have made her a very real person, and indeed we often see her counterparts on the street's. By creating Alice you have given dignity to some of these other souls we pass by .Thank You.
Maretta
Thank you for this beautiful Easter poem. It has made my day. Each short stanza is written with loving thoughts and simplicity we can all understand. It is lovely to find the true reason for Easter on this page.I do hope you had a very Happy Easter too.
Maretta
A sad, but lovely slice of real life happenings described by you with great sympathy, and caring for your father. Your story shows how your father wanted to share the family with you, and even though he knew he had waited to long, he wanted you to know they were still there for you to find. I am so happy that you stood near the steps with your aunt and remembered your Dad.
This is a thank you for reading my story '119 James Street' and the kind words. I have looked over your portfolio and read several pieces. I am reviewing this one because it is on friendship and I always find relationships fascinating.
I am not a poet, although I have tried my hand at a few. This one, you have written touches my heart, reminding me of how we sometimes are not aware of the wonderful events happening to us, as when you and your friend began your friendship and your memories , traditions etc. that will stay with you always. I too, have often wondered about friends whom we have lost touch with, thoughts of what they are doing now. It is almost a mystical connection we are looking for.Lovely thoughts of a friendship.
Maretta
I find this a remarkably well written story. You have made Corporal O'Reilly a very likable and believable character.and your surprise ending of carrying the list of fallen men to Lincoln was inspirational. To me this seems a very publishable short story. Enjoyed it very much.
I am sometimes guilty of this, so I mention this only to make your great story perfect. In the ninth line of the story you are missing the word to [I think} and when the President is answering you on the subject of what you were carrying, it would be whether instead of weather.
Maretta
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