What an enjoyable (and sometimes tongue-twisting and confusing) read. Only you can do it so effectively and so entertainingly. This kind of writing exercise can really test the writer's patience, and that's good. We need this kind of challenge every now and then.
So, you discovered the meaning of life, and you have propagated? I take this to mean that you have produced offsprings to ensure the continuation of life.
In these uncertain times when (unfriendly) nations are developing nuclear warheads and weapons of mass destructions, I am afraid that propagation may not be the ultimate assurance for the continuation of life.
Sorry to be so dark. I'm currently watching ABC's special on 9/11.
This story, even with the terrific twist in the end, did not captivate me as much as your other stories have. I kept looking for the characteristic humor that you embellish your stories so well, and was disappointed that you didn't make me laugh here. I guess you've just spoiled me. Having said that, again, this is a very well-written piece and still an enjoyable read.
Here are more comments:
Cute name, albeit cliche, for the retiring honorary fire chief: "Smokey." I liked it.
"Smokey was revered by all and had lot's of friends . . . ."
"lot's" should read: "lots"
". . . .helped to improve the public image of department."
"of department." should read "of the department."
The fire during Ladder Company 38's bachelor party, and the embarrassment of getting a call to a fire in your own station, was nice.
Terrific twist in the end. THE HONORARY FIRE CHIEF IS A CANINE.
One final comment, however: Even though I enjoyed the Dalmatian twist in the end, I felt cheated because you never gave me a clue. 63 years old? Not in dog's life.
Because of my "daytime job" in the PR business, it took me a while after signing up to delve into writing.com. Once I started posting the chapters to my novel in progress, and started receiving great reviews, which are helpful, I was hooked. So hooked, in fact, that I urged my physical novel-writing critique group to join this on line site for writers. And guess what? All of them are now enjoying WDC and have thanked me for introducing the site to them. What they like most about WDC is the convenience of storing their works in their personal author's portfolio. This means that in case of fire (God forbid), WDC will have a back up file of their work. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, WDC.
This is beautiful. For a technical writer, you impart your sensitivity of character well in your writing. Having been introduced to your fun side by virtue of your humorous articles, this is a very nice diversion. It carries a difference voice, tone and overall mood. Great job.
What a fantastic first sentence: "All the cardinals I know suffer from split personality disorder."
It's so clever to talk about their pointy red thingie on top of their heads, like the Catholic Church Cardinals, to make the reader think of them instead of the Northern Cardinal bird, which, by the way, is my second favorite bird.
Verrry cute ending.
This is very entertaining and a quick read.
Great job.
Just one correction on this phrase: "now what am I supported to do" look.
I think you meant "supposed" and not "supported", right?
This is an excellent narrative. Who can resist an opening like this? "While the leather cover on the Meerschaum pipe had turned from light ochre to ruddy brown, his hair had changed from ruddy brown to light ochre, and in sections, both were thinning badly."
And you continue on with more incredible descriptions that awed me.
I just wonder if this phrase is appropriate considering the atrophied body that you've described to us so eloquently: "still a magnificent model of the human race." It's really not a big deal.
I also didn't expect him to be a latte man.
You ended this character description so cleverly. Why does he have only an hour to type? Because he types so slow due to osteoarthitis and he tires easily?
All in all, this is wonderful writing. Hats off to you.
Another strained relationship between a father and his son. It's sad when they feel like strangers to each other. No love, no warmth, cold as ice. The only thing heated is the argument, then the anger, the screaming. Still there is the son's lingering want and hope that there is some caring and love left for him to have, and so he stays and wait.
This is an excellent beginning to a novel. I was hooked from the first paragraph and I could not stop reading. It flows smoothly. I never even once stumbled in reading it. I like the ease in which you write and I find myself having a good time reading and getting to know the protagonist--Jo Butler. You immediately established her as a sympathetic--and fun--character, and I think I'm going to enjoy her a lot as I continue to read your novel. (Unfortunately, time is against me. As you know, we all have our novels to finish, not to mention our day jobs.) I like the fact that Jo is into classical music, even naming her pets after the Masters. Your description of the lesbian-like appearance of Jo Butler was handled very well. Though not an expert on the matter, I don't think you've offended any lesbians around. Yes, I fully understand the glass ceiling predicament since I, too, have experienced it.
Wonderful job KateG. I like your ending statement, which makes me want to turn the page right away . . . but I will wait when I have more time.
Quite a character your friend is. I enjoyed reading this, though I really am not sure how to review it. To me, it's like reading someone's journal -- it's a personal matter that does not warrant any criticism. It's well written, though, and an enjoyable read.
This is very nice. I like the idea or fantasy of entering a Master's painting, and you imparted that well in your poem. The inclusion of the painting in your post adds additional drama to your piece. Nice touch. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I read the first two chapters, then glossed over the rest. It's just too early in the morning to be reading quite a long manuscript. Why, I haven't even had my first cup of coffee yet. Your story captivates me and holds my interest, enough to bookmark it so I can finish it later and give you a detailed review of my general impression, etc. So, for now, I just want to let you know that it's a very enjoyable read. I like how you begin each chapter with a 2-line poem. Till later.
Thank you for this article. I learned a thing or two from it. For instance, what is the StoriesMS for Microsoft Word 2000? Can I avail myself of it? I guess the way to find out is click on the link, so I will do just that now.
This is a great article. I don't know anything about you, so I wonder what your interest is in writing this article. Are you a lobbyist?
Your article caught my interest because I was once a legal professional who worked on asbestosis-related cases. My former company, which was a great company to work for, has been forced to declare bankrutcy because it could no longer survive the tides of claims against its subsidiary that used to manufacture asbestos-insulation products.
You mentioned the Roman naturalist "Pliny the Elder" who died of asphyxiation while investigating the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius. I happen to know of him because of my fascination with volcanoes. I imagine, however, that most people won't know who he is and may wonder why he's important in your article. So maybe a little clarification as to who he is would make your story complete.
All in all, scary but great article.
I look forward to reading more from your portfolio.
I, too, have written many query letters to publishers; still, this article has given me a few more points on how to improve my future letters. This is a very well-written "how-to" article and I appreciate all the great advice you have provided herein. I have included this piece in my "Favorites" folder. Again, thank you.
I don't know if you're a stand up comedian, or a music professor, or a professional chamber musician, or a published author, but I have become a fan of your clever and humorous writing. Again, too bad for Angelia, for once again, Lawrence deprives her of his genius in letter writing. True, she probably would prefer something with a more personal seasoning, but . . . no writer can just throw away a great letter like that. Where is this story leading to, I wonder. We still don't know much about Angelia, which intrigues me. I notice that you don't have anything more posted. Are you still working on your next letter?
This is too funny. I don't know if it's intentional, but I definitely see the humor in your writing and plot, which at this point, of course, is not quite developed yet. You seem quite knowledgeable about music, particularly, chamber music. Everything is believable to me as written. Poor Angelia, denied of the pleasure of reading Lawrence's brilliant, albeit impersonal missive. Lawrence should banish his shyness away and seize the moment . . . a beautiful and smart woman makes the first step and he lets his shyness ruin what could be a perfect match. But then, maybe the story won't be quite as interesting, huh? I'm really looking forward to where this is leading, and whether or not we're going to meet Angelia up close and personal. Great writing. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
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