Love where you're going with this so far, the main drawing points for me aside from the fetish material is that, this is somewhat romantic in nature as well as erotic, I hope that it sticks to only hinata being affected by the scrolls, things would very quickly get out of hand and by that I mean hard to manage in any realistic fashion. There's definite potential here, and I would have rated higher but there are several spelling/grammar errors.
Orgasm instead of orgasim
Throw in the hands instead of through in the hands.
put in apostrophes to show ownership/possession, example her belly's instead of her bellys
taut instead of taunt.
That's about it, oh and I'd also love to see you continue the "mixing chakra makes you horny" plotline. :)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marshman219
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 3:38pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.