This is absolutely brilliant. This is pure creativity at its finest. If you don't mind, I would love to add you to my Dead Poets Society. I wouldn't change a thing. It's simple yet complicated. Complicated conflicts, simple rhyme, and reason
Good idea and nice plot twists. I think you might need to add more inner dialogue because the main character doesn’t feel human at all. Add some feeling, show the feeling, make it virtual reality.
The first stanza is absolutely amazing. I wouldn't change it. In the second stanza I would provide personification to get a sound that a bird might sing. (Offer an example of a sound) In the Last Stanza 2nd Line, take out "greatest part" and put in "nation." And become his nation.
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