The hope revealed in this poem is very evident, and helps one see there is hope in even the worst tragedy.
There are some places where punctuation is off, such as period or comma where not needed.
The following lines were not very smooth, due to having only one word of the sentence in the next line. Try to avoid that. Either have all of the sentence on one line, or divide it where more than one word follows below.
"let terror cloud
judgement. We will gain;
Life will remain
good. We will pray,"
Also, try to avoid having a sentence flow from one stanza to another. The end of a stanza is sort of like the end of a paragraph. The sentence should end there.
Evelyn
This is a very good pole that caused me to stop and think. I sometimes will not rate an item if I think it is poorly written. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. However, I realize I want the review even if it is bad, so long as it is honest.
I will make more of an effort to review everything in the future, due to this poll.
I do have a problem with reviewing a piece of writing in which I either have no knowledge or interest in the genre. However, I do try to rate grammar, and my overall impression, letting the writer know I do not normally read in that genre, so they will be knowledgable of my ability to review it.
Evelyn
I did not find any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors. I did note a couple of places where the flow seemed stilted due to an odd number of syllables in relation to other similar lines in other stanzas. I may just be me, but I caught myself stumbling over the rhythm.
Just a side note. It has gotten to the point that when someone does have a legitimate reason to go to court, it is hard to do because of the association with the litigious ones. I just got my car totalled, had several thousands of dollars of medical expenses, and lost 10 days from work due to an auto accident that wasn't my fault. The other person did not have insurance, and neither did I. I want to get them to pay for my car, medical bills, and lost work, but they won't. I hesitate to take them to court. Yet, I should not have to be out something that is not my fault. Still, I don't want to be grouped with those who "take them through the wringer." That is sad that our society has gotten to that point.
Evelyn
The thoughts here are very well portrayed. I love the message. It is so fitting to me right now. I have just found my way back.
I did notice a little "choppiness" due to differing numbers of syllables in some lines, though it wasn't a jarring thing.
I did not one pair of lines that didn't really rhyme. Since they were the only two that did not fit the pattern, it made it seem a little disrupting.
Evelyn
Unrhymed lines:
My life is forever changed,
Priorities I must rearrange,
Maybe you could say (priorities must be rearranged? Just a suggestion.
Rhyme, rhythm and story are so well executed. I can so identify with this poem. I hear the frustration in having to take on everyone's burden and not show your full feelings. I am so emotional that I often experience such, even though I am not a nurse.
I love how you have ended with the voice of hope, the purpose in all suffering that you have to experience.
I feel this one is written to me, since I have reviewed so many of your poems. I do like the thought of this one, and your apparent willingness to listen and learn. However, it seems you are saying you will learn, but keep your own ideas. That is good. Reviews are only to point out things you may have missed, but the piece is yours to do with as you will. Keep your idea and do it your way.
This one has varying line lengths/meter, but it is okay because each stanza has a different one. It is not as if you are waiting to hear a certain meter and it is not there. This keeps if from interrupting the flow, because the reader already expects it to be different.
The rhyme, again, has some stanzas with one pattern, then it is missing in others. This tends to interrupt the flow, because the reader is anticipating the same rhyme scheme. However, it may also make the reader stop and become more aware of the actual thoughts. Use your judgment in this.
This is a very open and honest poem. I enjoyed it.
Evelyn
PS I hope I am not the mean one you mention. I don't mean to be at all.
Your poems are so... well, poetic. They also tell the story so well. I can just see the island, and wish I could escape to it. I also wish I had ever found someone so in love as you seem to be. It must be wonderful, and horrible at the same time.
Again, you rhymes are either forced or not there. Since some stanzas have a particular rhyme scheme, and the others do not, it reads almost like you have added those in. They "stick out" and stop the smooth flow.
The meter/rhythm also is choppy in places due to a discrepency in syllables/line. That also stops the smooth flow.
This poem is so vivid. I can see you standing there by the seaside grieving, though trying to be objective.
The rhyme scheme is very interesting, and true rhymes. I love it. The rhythm is good except for the llast stanza. Some of the lines have 5 syllables, some 6 and some 7. All the previous lines have 6 syllables. It makes it read a little awkwardly.
Evelyn
Chris,
This is a very impassioned plea. The Lord knows our every thought. Know that I am praying for you, and that the Lord will work things out the best way. We may not always see it that way, but the Lord sees all and knows all, so knows what is best for us in the overall scheme of things.
If you wish to share, I will listen. However, I will pray anyway. The Lord knows what you need, even if I don't.
This is a excellent piece - short but to-the-point. I so much identify with it. I am doing such soul-searching of my own, and I, too, wonder, "What does it meant to be me?" I love that line.
I did not find any grammatical or spelling errors. The rhyme scheme was perfect, as was the rhythm. It reads very smoothly.
Keep up the good work. I like a short poem that says a lot, and yours certainly does.
Evelyn
What an imaginative tale! I love the way you have woven all the fairy tale "critters" into your story. I did find a couple of typos or grammatical errors. I am pasting a copy of them here. Other than that, it is excellent.
Evelyn
Errors I noted:
So were my sisters Drizella, Anastasia, their husbands and children were here.
("were" should not be repeatd in this sentence. Try: My sisters.... were also here.)
They bought a cute little tree from Hundred Acre Wood and it was decorated so cute.
(Repeating "cute" in the sentence is redundant.)
see her biut she was dressed like Mrs. Claus
(biut should be but)
We had chestnuts roasting on an open fire. We had a variety of cakes to eat. We also had gingerbread and spice cookies. Ginger is so hard to come by. We had fish, cooked vegetables and grapes.
(Be careful of starting multiple sentences with the same words, especially within the same paragraph.)
Again, I have to say you have an intriguing way of presenting what could be boring information. I had to watch myself that I didn't get caught up in trying all the features and researching items of interest instead of further perusing the article.
I learned a lot from this fourth installment of your Google instruction. It was excellent.
I have noted no errors in spelling, punctuation or grammar. You are an excellent writer. I look forward to reading some more items in your portfolio.
Evelyn
This is another excellent instructional piece. I have used Google for some time, but never really noticed the items beside the search box. Thanks for giving such a thorough tutorial of the usage of these links.
Your writing style is very unique. You inject a bit of humor, write in a very simplistic way, but give a wealth of information. I can't wait to get to the Part III. I never knew I had so much that I didn't know.
Evelyn
This truly captures the magic of Christmas. Your rhyme was great, and for the most part your rhythm was. I found a couple of places where I stumbled a little over the rhythm, but nothing significant.
The last two lines of stanza one and the first two of the third stanza were a little awkward to read. I read poems aloud, and can really get a feel for rhythm.
Other than that, in my opinion, you did an excellent job. Remember, it is just my opinion. You may like the way it reads, and that is your right.
Evelyn
Such a sad, yet good poem. I feel the pain flowing from the words. If it is not based on truth, then you sure could fool me. It seems the only way that could be written is if it really happened.
If your husband is truly suffering from cancer, know you will be in my prayers.
This poem and the other one I read show how much you care for your husband. Such a love will not go unrewarded.
Evelyn
This is super! I have used Google for websites many times, but was not aware of the other aspects. Just reading this piece makes me want to do some writing that requires research so I can check it out.
The spelling, grammar and mechanics were excellent. An example of very good writing.
Your instructions were precise and very easy to follow.
Evelyn
This is a great tribute to your husband. Your love and admiration shows through. For the most part it was excellent in rhyme and rhythm. I did stumble a littl over the last stanza. The rhythm was a little awkward.
Your words painted a picture for me. I like the way you didn't really describe his physical features. That lets the reader picture whomever she desires. Good handling of that aspect.
Good poem overall. Keep writing. You have a knack.
Evelyn
I love this idea. Is it still current? I could tell from the links. I tried clicking on scenario one and didn't get a prompt or anything. Maybe I did it wrong?
I would love to participate in this. I am not sure if I hve to sign up or anything. The directions are jut a little vague in that area.
Please let me know what I need to do to sign up if the challenge is still going on.
Evelyn
Another excellent devotional. It is also something I struggle with. Seems I never have enough to do the basics, so I forget giving. That is reversed. I need to do the giving so I have to abundance to do more.
Thanks for another excellent work. Your grammar, syntax, and thought are excellent. I see no improvements that need to be made.
Evelyn
This is great. I am embarking on renewing my prayer life, and this helped remind me that God answers prayers, no matter how small we think they are. Thanks for the reminder.
You have dealt with the power of prayer in a wise but sensitive way. It is short and to the point, something I also like.
I loved this. It was so vivid, and the surprise ending was priceless. I assume it is a true slice of history?
There are a number of places with run-on sentences, and many, many cases where a comma is needed. I started to note them all, but it became way to many. If, when you review over it, you need some suggestions about the commas, let me know and I will mark several.
All in all, it is good writing. Just the grammar needs addressing.
Evelyn
What a neat, unusual way to tell a story. It looks like a poem, reads like a poem, but tells a story. I liked it.
I am not familiar with St. George at all, though I have heard of him. I now feel like I know at least a little about him. Sounds like an interesting character, one I would like to know more about.
You piqued my interest, which is probably in part the purpose of the poem.
Good job.
Evelyn
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