I love:
1) the beginning alliteration
2) the imagery cast by the contrasting words "majestic" and "crow"
3) The line "A new pace to a swollent but beating heart" -- lovely, lovely, lovely!
I would suggest for improvement:
1) Rethinking the line "He would rather winter bring him an empty heart". That image is a bit trite and rather overused.
2) If you make Mother Nature a person, then you should capitalize it.
3) Changing the word "better' before days (in line 21) to less common, more visual adjective.
I have read thousands upon thousands of poems; therefore, I feel I am qualified to say this: you are a very talented poet with a knack for rhythm. You just need to practice (write more!) and carefully steer away from the trite and proverbial.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:16am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.