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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/meyoline
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23 Public Reviews Given
47 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of forget  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
         Wow! Amazing poem. I think this perfectly describes what happens to us when we see something that reminds us of a past event. Your spacing was excellent, and helped convey even more emotional quality to the piece. I love poems that have a nice, strong ending, and yours certainly has that. ^_^ Great work! Keep writing! ^_^
2
2
Review of The Day I Grew Up  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
General Comments
         Wow, this is a very emotion-packed piece. I can only imagine what it must be like to go through something like this. :-/

Edits/Suggestions
         Impressively, your piece was pretty much devoid of any mistakes or anything that needed correcting. ^_^ There was only one pointer I wanted to make, and even it isn't one hundred percent necessary:

You wrote: Your strung out face
I would suggest: Changing it to 'Your strung-out face'

What I Liked Best
         You really write emotion very well. That is a very difficult thing to do in writing, and yet you pull it off flawlessly. I am truly impressed. It is obvious you are a very talent writer, and I hope that, wherever life may take you, that you always keep writing. Great work. ^_^
3
3
Review of A Hole in Me  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
General Comments
         This is a very well-written, emotionally charged piece. It must have been difficult to write, but I'm glad you did.

Edits/Corrections/Suggestions
         - I think the fifth and sixth lines
so comforting, and loving, exposed a hole in me. A hole that was supposed to be filled with
days playing catch in the yard,

need to be changed to:

so comforting, and loving, exposed a hole in me.
A hole that was supposed to be filled
with days playing catch in the yard,

Otherwise that one line is very long, and disrupts the flow of the piece.

What I Liked Best
         I thought this was a very emotion-packed piece, which made it a very interesting read. I think this feeling of distance from our parents is something unfortunately too many people can relate to. I like how you emodied that distance within your piece by spacing the last line away from the main body of the poem. Very well done.

Keep writing!
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/meyoline