The second sentence of the second paragraph lies flat due to the use of "on" twice. Imagery of the sentence, following, is very good. Starting with sentence stating, "He always saw himself lying on one of those plates the humans put their food on" you begin six successive sentences with prepositions, in the following order, He, He, It, His, She, She. Try to spice up your writing with more variety of word choices to begin your sentences.
Apart from minor details, which I critiqued already, the story is imaginative and funny. Do character sketches for Vittles and the supporting cast, and try to make a short story or novella out of it. This lovely snapshot of a story could become something quite valuable with some work.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mfsalminen
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 8:53pm on Nov 10, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
