Hi Lindsay
This is an absolutely delightful short story. I found it has a nice and comfortable flow all the way through. Also enjoyed the theme and the characters which came across nicely. This line made me laugh and helped build up Dr Carr’s personality: ...You are quite the handsome…” he faltered at the child’s sex, “Boy or girl.”...
I have no major criticisms on this story. Only that Carr’s change in thinking perhaps came about a bit quickly; and a little typo which caught my eye: …At last be calmed himself and…
But nothing do diminish the joy of reading.
Hello Futrboy
I enjoyed your story “Onward”. The tension building opening was very effective in stirring up some curiosity. I find it is not always easy for a writer to keep interest up while simultaneously trying to keep the reader in the dark. Well done. I also liked the overall setting of human exploration of unknown space. It is a theme which I love very much.
For me this story did feel a bit like a beginning or a bases for a larger piece of writing. It is short yet still contains all the ingredients: the overall setting of exploration, characters with a past, problems along the way…
Perhaps it is worth considering filling this story out with more details about, for example, the events in the characters past, the reasons and motivations behind the exploration, the aliens and alien worlds, or events surrounding the disaster of Titan.
I make this suggestion because it has been made to me on a number of occasions, and has often proved to be good advice. But in the end it is still up to the writer to decide where a story goes and doesn’t go; a short story can’t possibly touch upon every detail.
A good mood setting story with potential for much more is my conclusion. Well written!
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