This is a very interesting take. The pacing works very well and I really enjoyed the ending. You could have gone a lot of ways with this one and I think you chose the best possible outcome. Your word usage is nice and the first-person narrative is ideal for this type of story. If I had to make one suggestion, the triple use of exclamation points takes away from its credence. Just use one and have faith that your readers know you are trying to convey excitement. Well done!
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