Wow, that was amazing, the closing sentence took my breath away. I thought the sentence " the garden had more colors than my box of 120 crayolas. I thought maybe you could describe the girls inside life a bit more, and maybe even provide a description of both Karen and Billy Johnson, they are both characters that could provide quite an influence in this story. I also thought the name Sylvester Snorkelbeam was very creative. Other than a few minor points this story is perfect.
Wow!!!!!!!! That was really unique. Who would have thought to do a Haiku on an eagle? Must have been tricky! Every line ties in with the other one and it all makes sense. There is nothing I would change in this. good luck with other things.
Hi Steve, this is a very inspiring story, and I can't wait to read more. The opening sentence was amazing and name of the character Skel'lori's name, and his god As'bel are very creative. Here is a change I thought might improve it even more.
Ever so slowly his mind clear and as it did his vision stopped swimming...should be
Ever so slowly his mind cleared, and as it did, his vision stopped swimming.
This is a very good guide!!! It combines the advice with humour and this makes an entertaining read:) looking forward to reading part 2!!!:) May be helpful to add slightly more humour. Thanks for the read!!!!! would send you signature but forgot how.
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