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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nagrom
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39 Public Reviews Given
90 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well done! I really like the storyline of this, but I think it could do well with a few more blanks added into the material. Good job otherwise, though!

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You skip out of your house when a giant, scary Goat falls from the sky into your driveway. You run out into the road and attack it with a Hammer. You defeat the monster easily and walk down the road. As your walking, a car comes out from a corner a speeds towards you. You Climb out of the way of the car and it hits a Stapler. You realize that strange things are happening and you rush to the Library for cover. When you get there, there are 10 Mythical monsters waiting for you. You get your Baseball to come and help you fight them off. You succeed, but there are more on the way so you call in a Toad for help. As it rolls in, the building you are in collapses and you Screech.
2
2
Review of My Horse and I  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is good poetry. I'd highly reccommend adding more verses to give more feeling to the wind rushing in your face and the ground passing below you, or other such things. It also might be nice if an introduction was given to explain better that you're riding a horse. There are many possibilities for addition, and these are but my suggestions. Please write more!

-Nagrom
3
3
Rated: E | (4.0)
I would say that the writing in this poem is very good and descriptive, but the number of syllables varies a bit too much for at least my tastes. for example:

"Release that bit of me, insane,
wash away in the healing sage smoke, goodbye pain."

The second line is a bit longer than the first, making the rhythm fall out a bit. making them even like so:

"Release that tiny bit of me that is insane,
washed away in the healing sage smoke, goodbye pain."

This fits the rhyme better and makes the poem smoother. I'd recommend checking this poem for some more lines like this.
4
4
Review of As It Was To Be  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
very nice. I like it very much. The writing is a little bit sloppy in how the lines and stanzas are arranged, but the writing has a fluidity in its storyline so that it makes sense and gives a lot of emotion and meaning. I'd suggest making the lines better organized, then it would be even more beautiful.
5
5
Review of Darkness's Flame  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really like the writing and everything, but I would highly recommend changing some of the stanzas that are five lines to four lines somehow. the way that they're randomly placed sets off the rhythm of it, and I think it would be better if they were changed.
6
6
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think this is a very nice piece of writing, but in all honesty, it seems a little bland, like you're just telling the story, not living through it. Maybe it would be better if you added some perspective, perhaps by describing what the girl with green eyes SAW rather than what was there, how she felt, rather than what she did. Try to get the reader o truly understand what that one person was feeling and thinking, and I think this would be a great piece.
7
7
Review of Crazy Day  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a god madlib, using a good variety of words, but there are a few minor things I would like to point out that would make it better.

-"it was the size of an ______" might bhe better with "a/an ______" because that might make more sense with words beginning with consonants.
-"It was the color of ______" shoul be changed to either a plural blank, or the text should be "Color of a _____"

If you fixed these, and a few other grammatic errors, this would be a good deal better.

My Results:

Yesterday, I went to the lake. I saw a cat, it was the size of an dumpster! It was the color of toothbrush. Then we went swimming. We swam faster than a hedgehog shark. Then we all went fishing. I caught a clownfish! It was blue! I smiled and helped in my picture. On our way home we saw a[n] griffin. What a flat day!
8
8
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is very well-written! I like how the story makes a lot of sense, but for my opinion, It seems a tiny bit tied down, like the story is fixed to be one specific way rather than something that goes along with the readers word choices. I think it might be better if you condensed the writing a little to make less space between blanks, or having more blanks that recurr through the story. The writing is very good, however. Gret job!

My results:

Ephiel and I had been so happy together. The wedding was perfect. I thought the wedding decorations arrangements were beautiful because we picked the design of the wedding, choosing Purple and Gray as the main colors. Well, actually he was the one that chose them because they are his favorite colors. I was happy with it too. My mother said the wedding turned out Smart just because she had an issue with there being a Toaster on top of the cake instead of a bride and groom. It was suppose to be a statement of our favorite hobby.

When the wedding ended we walked down the chapel stairs and hopped into the decorated Helicopter Ephiel's "friend" Dudley had let us borrow since my car was in the shop at the time. We drove off to our honeymoon in Russia. We stayed at the "Blinking Protractor" Inn as we called it. Thats not the real name, the real name sounded worse. We had a fine time anyway.

Ephiel and I hadn't lived together before. We were definately taking a plunge into the whole marriage deal- living together, sharing a bank account and Books, and shared our household decorations.

A couple months into the marriage I started noticing a few strange things having to do with Ephiel. Some things that led me to believe that he had not told me everything about his past. One day I was digging in the closet looking for my beloved Toothbrush when I found an old cookie jar that belonged to Ephiel. It was ceramic and was a cute Horse. I opened it and looked inside to notice there was a load of change and dollar bills. There was a note taped to it that said, "Savings from Beekeeper job." Did he used to be a Beekeeper and not tell me? I kept my suspicions to myself. On another day I found a brown box in the closet that I was curious about. When I opened it there was a bunch of autographed Lady Gaga memorabilia. There was even a photo of him and Lady Gaga posing together for a photo. Why did he never tell me he was a fan? Or a friend? These little untold things were just the beginning.

One friday evening when he got home from work he carried in a crate full of unlabeled video tapes that had been unwrapped. He said that they were from work and not anything interesting. But he worked as a Firefighter at the time so I didn't understand what he would be doing with all the tapes. That night I went to bed before him. I woke up about an hour later to a strange smell in the air. It smelled like something was burning. I got out of bed to see what was going on. I looked into the kitchen and Ephiel was standing at the stove holding a pan with a vhs tape in it that was on fire. For some reason he was trying to destroy the tape. Surely not eat it. He didn't see me so I went back to bed. I didn't want him to think I was suspicious. That night he slept with the tapes on the floor by his side of the bed. The next day I didn't see them again.

I started noticing that bunches of money had been being taken out of our bank account. I got online to look at my bank account history. I noticed he had bought a bunch of stuff from a place called, "Chelmy's Medical Supplies For Grimy People. I began to wonder if he was secretly Grimy. Again, I kept suspicions to myself because I wanted to figure out things by myself first instead of risking getting lied to.

He started going out to bars at night time. Which before we were married he never had any interest in bars. He used to say, "I would rather not meet Sweet drunks." Anyway he would stay there for hours. Or tell me he went to his friend's house too to watch a movie.

One day when I was out front of the house in the garden area I decided to hide a spare key under a rock. When I lifted one of the rocks up I found a note. It was written in pig latin. Translated it said, "You are so incredibly gorgeous. Stay with me forever and never leave me. I will buy you all the lovely Jars of pickles you could ever desire." I am not so dumb as to not be able to read pig latin. They should have known better. The letter made me so upset I started crying. I brought the note inside the house and set it on the kitchen table looking at it while weeping over it. Also on the table was a note from his friend Dudley reminding him to come over to watch "the game". It suddenly hit me- the handwriting on the two notes were the same! I quickly walked over to my stress reduction kit that hangs on the wall- the board that says on it, "Bang head here." Just when I thought I couldn't deal with anymore craziness, the doorbell rang. I thought, "Oh hell, now what!?" I quickly swiped my tears and answered the door. It was a Great milk man! I thought, "What the hell. Is this like the 40's or something!?" I just stared at the man with a shocked look. I took the basket of milk from him with a fake smile. I then grabbed a bottle and threw it at him and yelled, "Are you another one of his secret lovers!" He ran off. Please excuse me for my outrage towards people he cheated with.

In the end, I told Ephiel that he and Dudley should get married instead of us staying married and him cheating and keeping secrets. I had always told him before we ever got married that I supported gay marriage. He could have at least told me that much about him. And still keep all those other secrets which I will never know the truth about.

Anyway, I am past it all now. I haven't kept bitterness towards him. I have met someone else. Her name is Betty. This time I want to know everything about her before we get married!

THE END

p.s It would be fun if you copy the results and mail them to me so I can see how your choices turned out. thanks! hope you liked it.
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Review of A Normal Day?  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
A couple of things are wonky about this madlib, though it seems to be good otherwise. A couple of your blanks say "verb ending in" without saying the "ing" if you changed that, it might make this entire thing make more sense. good writing.
My Results:

WAZZUP!! You say as you jump into your pet. There stood all of your family members. And even your pet Giraffe Bob was spill on the can. Everyone was joy. But then, something very weird happened. Bob randomly started cry on the shield. Then your computer swung open and a mouse ran inside holding a pencil while fly. Then you woke up.
10
10
Rated: E | (4.5)
This madlib is one of the best I've done! Great job! XP I love how you made all of the words work and had a good mix of adjectives, nouns, and verbs. If I could make this madlib better, I might specify some of the blanks better. "personality" might be better as "Personality type" or "personality (in adjective form)" Other than a few of these, I think this is absolutely fantastic. =D great work!

My results:

34 years ago, there lived a prince named Roy. He was a Sneaky person. One day the prince was bored, so he left his kingdom to go on an adventure. Taking his pet, a Tiger, with him, he set off to adventure.

After a long month of walking, he reached a kingdom called "Poo". Roy was surprised by how big the kingdom was. People inside Poo told him that there is a beautiful princess named Anne locked in a Office. She has waited 17 years for someone to save her. Roy said:" I will save Anne at any cost, even if it will risk my Tiger's life!!"

Roy came to the Office and he saw a Superhero there. The Superhero was an Wierd person who wants the princess to be his wife. The princess saw Prince Roy and called :" Help me handsome prince, kill this Superhero, save me from terror." Roy looked at Anne and asked :" What day is today?"

The princess replied:" It's Friday"

The prince was Joy, and he stammered:" B...bu...but, I...I...cant f...fi...fight on Fridays..."

The Superhero heard that and laughed:" A wimp! I'll kill you!" and charged at the prince.Hearing the Superhero call him a wimp, Roy was so angry that Soda poured out from his Ear. He Flew the Superhero in the Toe. The Superhero rolled on the floor groaning.

But a huge Zebrafish flew over and kidnapped the princess. Roy ran after the Zebrafish, but soon lost sight of it. The prince was exhausted, he sat down to rest by a river. Looking into the reflection of the river, the prince found out that he ran too hard and lost his Underpants. He searched for it along the path he came from.

He finally saw a girl wearing the Underpants he lost. She is playing Pokemon and listening to "Caramelldansen". She held a Black Pillow in her hand. With the other hand, she held a joystick/mouse and is Slowly pressing/clicking it. Roy went up to her and asked:" Can I have that Underpants back? It's mine."

The girl look up at him and smiled:"Of course you can, here, have it." and she took off the Underpants and handed back to Roy.

The prince asked her again:" Can you tell me your name?"

The girl said:" Sure! My name is Jenny. I like to play with Fart, do you?"

Roy said:" Me too. Let's get married."

And they lived happily ever after with each other.
11
11
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very good madlib. I find all of the blanks work well. ;) If you could add maybe some verbs into it, It would be really good!

My results:

Some days just don't go as planned, and some are altogether Smelly. This particular Sunday, Todd knew it would be a bad day. To start things off he fell out of bed and hit his Lip. When he came to, he had a big headache. So he went into the bathroom to look for some Dysentry medicine, but when Todd opened the bottle it was empty. This upset him but he decided not to let it get to him and went into the kitchen to make breakfast. He poured a bowl of his favorite Car but when he went to get the milk he found it was all Slimy. So Todd went without.
Now you may think that is a pretty bad start to a day, but wait it gets Blue. His girlfriend left a Grass on his voice mail breaking up with him, his pet Elephant died sometime during the night, and he spilled Lemonade all over his brand new Frog on his way to work. Thirty minutes later Todd got to work, Tiny and Fat. He walked into the office and was surprised to find that all his co-workers had thrown him a surprise Vampire party in the office.
Some days are just plain Sparkly. But stay Silver, cause just when you think you can't take any more, something good is bound to happen.
12
12
Review of Christmas Dinner  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A great Madlib! ;) I had a lot of fun. Like any good madlib, it made no sense. Great job!

Here are my results, if you want them.

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It was Friday and it was the first Christmas dinner Jessie had ever hosted.
The guests had arrived and were enjoying themselves while they played Boggle.
With dinner to be served around 4:00pm, Jessie decided to check on the cat only
to find that there was no heat coming from the oven. Turns out the Robo-tron had burnt out.
Luckily, one of the guests was an Lawyer and was able to solve the problem quickly. An hour or so
later, Bob goes off to the bathroom and when she returns says, "Jessie, your hairdryer won't flush.
Jessie said "s***, I'll fix it."
She lifted the hairdryer when suddenly spurting from the hairdryer came blue water, spinning and spurting everywhere, washing everything in it's path, including Jessie. Luckily, another guest was a Dentist and able to fix the problem.
With both minor incidents solved, the guests returned to playing Boggle. Suddenly, the smoke alarm goes off, causing everyone to soon notice the room was filled
with smoke. One of the guests was smart enough to go immediately to the oven and check
on the cat only to find cat juices flowing from the oven. Turns out the pot that held the
cat was too small and caused the crabby, cat juice to overflow. Meanwhile, Jessie in an effort to clear the room of smoke opened the patio doors of the apartment. Jessie forgot that her apartment was right next to the basement causing a huge gust of wind to clear the room instantly but take the Christmas tree along with it. Luckily none of the guests were injured.
Jessie and Betty managed to clean up the mess, while the others returned to playing Boggle.
With the mess clean, Jessie took the garbage to the apartment garbage shoot. When she opened the
shoot, a suction was created causing the garbage in flight to back fire and splatter Jessie with gross, funny gunk.
Jessie returned to her apartment, hair drenched from the hairdryer incident, makeup smeared from the
smoke. All the time, her guests playing Boggle and oblivious to her dinner preparations. Dinner was finally served Tuesday.
13
13
Review of Penguins  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the cat show! Today we will be talking about penguins. Penguins live in a very flambouyant climate.Why do penguins drag when they walk? You would too, if you walked on frog all day! Why do we only see blue and yellow penguins? Because they're very formal! Their favorite iPod is to attend fancy Waterskiing! How can they live in such cold plant? They have a sweet coat of butterflies, of course! Well that's all the time we have for today. Join us next time when we will discuss birds!!!

-----

Very nice. ;)

One small point. The nouns that I have as "frog" and "plant" would probably be better plural. Other than that, I see no errors. great job! ;)
14
14
Rated: E | (3.0)
Thank you for making a madlib! =D

Some of the words aren't that clear, however. If you want to make this better, I suggest replacing the "actions" with "verbs" Some others aren't defined that much. I suggest editing this just a bit more.

Here are my results!

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A Anthro Cat, a Werewolf, and a Martian enter a Paris. They see 17 Jellyfish just Jump there. The Martian says, "why is that?" "Beats me," says the Anthro Cat. "Let's fly it," says the Werewolf. "Na," says the Martian. "Let's just cry this Wonderland. My Uncle Joe is waiting for me at Atlantis." "Yah, let's do that," the Werewolf said. "I got to see Johnny in the 9:57 PM." "Yah," says the Anthro Cat. "I've got 72 blueberries to deal with."
15
15
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
you want results? you got 'em!!!

Dear Diary,
This week on monday I had the most horrible day. It was a string of bad happenings. I felt like I needed to talk to someone about it. Though I hadn't been to a psychiatrist before, I decided to give it a try. I looked in the phone book at all the names of doctors. I saw the name Dr. Betty Labounty and decided to choose her. I called and scheduled to meet her friday.

This is how the visit went. I started to tell her the story of monday:
"First thing in the morning, I came out of my room and went into the kitchen. My labradoodle Russ was excited I was up and he was whining because he really wanted to go for a walk. No, not just a walk- to the dog park. But right then I was starving and wanted to find something to eat. I looked in my cupboards and fridge but they were empty. All there was in the fridge was an old cheese from christmas time. I had forgotten to go to the store sunday. Russ was now holding his leash in his mouth and doing all the tricks he knew to try to get my attention. He even knows "fart" because he copied my neighbors. He looked pathetic so I decided to just take him to the dog park. I went in my bedroom to find something to wear. There was nothing clean. I had forgotten to do laundry too! Well, there was ONE thing left- it was my nice green vintage suit set that I had paid a high price for. I had to wear it.

I let Russ play at the park for about an hour while I was miserably starving. I tried to avoid all the dogs because I didn't want them to dirty my nice suit. After about 2 minutes after I put the leash on Russ to head out of the park, a huge LABRADOODLE OF DOOM!!!!!! came running across the field towards me and then slowed down just enough when he reached me to not knock me over but still put his huge paws on my nice clothes! The splatter of brown mud and white slobber was like one big tie-dye job. And I had to wear this to the grocery store.

When I walked through Grocery Outlet people were looking at me up and down in disgust, even David the Shepherd who lives at work. I just wanted to find the fudge section and then get out of there! I passed by some banana flavored chips. I could see why those got discontinued. Grocery Outlet is funny that way. I shopped for only about 7 minutes because of my embarrassment, and just picked up a few items.

After I paid for my things and walked out the door, it suddenly started pouring bucketfuls outside. I ran to my car and quickly hopped inside. I took the receipt out of my bag and looked it over. That black cashier lady had charged me 54,682,666 dollars for one cake! I decided to get my money back. I stepped out of the car. Just as I was swinging the door shut, a big gust of wind blew my hair into the doorway and it got caught! I tried to open the door but it was locked and I could see my car keys sitting on the seat! Now I was standing there slightly bent over and couldn't move and getting totally drenched! I couldn't believe it. Had the devil chosen me to laugh at for the day? I saw a shady looking man in the parking lot going from car to car looking inside them. I had to holler for help with my door, even if that guy might come over. And he did come over acting all kind and innocent. Though he couldn't help but smirk at the sight of me. Russ was barking his head off because he knows which people are bad news. I quickly asked the man if he had a cellular phone so that I could call a locksmith. He did, but he had to go in the store to get a phone book. I'm sure he probably had a tool for breaking in cars himself, but I didn't want to bring it up. When the curly man came back he handed me his probably stolen phone and I called the locksmith. They said they would be over soon. Well, it took them about a half hour to arrive. Or at least it seemed like a half hour. During the time I was waiting, my back was tired of bending in an awkward position, people were staring at me as they drove by, I was freezing, I looked like I had been swimming, Russ wouldn't quit barking, and the man was flirting with me in a creepy way. He was standing to close and smelled like grease. Anyway, after the locksmith man arrived complaining about the rain, I walked back in the store to get my money back. I looked behind me to make sure the creepy man wasn't following. I ended up getting my money back after talking to the cashier AND the manager.

When I arrived back home there was a bike sitting in my driveway. I couldn't believe it when I realized it was my cousin Kristin who had dissapeared from my family and left the state 10 years ago because she was wanted by the state of Texas for murder! She started apologizing and saying how she needed a place to stay. She also said she was now wanted for Plaegerism, claiming that the only reason she did it was because she was feeling stupid that day. Other news was that she was pregnant, hadn't been to a doctor, and planned on naming the baby David. But the worst thing out of all the things she said was, "I'm hungry."

This was one of the best organized madlibs I've ever seen. It's not every day you see seperate paragraphs. If only everyone wrote like this...
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