This is a good poem and oh so true. I have been writing since 2005 and it seems something came alive that urges me to continue to write even when I'm not up to it. Sometimes when I go back and read poems I have written, I can barely believe I actually wrote them. I especially like the first four lines where the thought is beginning to form. This poem is peppered with just the right amount of alliteration in key places that demonstrate how intertwined thoughts can be. I love the personification of poetry and how it speaks of its formation. The statement, "let Us" makes it clear that it needs the poet to carry out the task. Very good poem I know you worked hard and it paid off.
The first stanza of the poem reminds me that life isn't static, but always in motion moving toward change or already in the process. It's like the current of a river that pushes along objects in its way whether a choice is made to take the ride, they get caught up in the process and swept away. The south is warm and comfortable, but to me it seems busy and congested giving little room for introspection and could cause complacency. Although the north is cold it offers space, time and quietness for a person to meditate and get in touch with themselves and where they want to go in life. Sometimes a replica of the north is required to birth change.
The imagery in stanza two and three are outstanding.
I formed a picture in my mind of the vastness of the north, especially the description of the pine and spruce trees, that remain in my mind as if I truly saw them.
Each stanza is written in quintet. The short lines of one or words gives emphasis and slows the pace of the poem.
This is a thought provoking poem, change can be painful, but following the pain comes the joy after realizing you have grown.
This is a poem that is true for me. It is filled with guidance and truth, it has flung the prison gate open for all that want to do the work to be free. I especially liked the part where you said, " unless the other person sees what is wrong, you can never heal." The other person cannot be expected to do my healing. You made it clear that it is the wounded person own work that will set them free. It will at times be painful work and it may take more than one try; perseverance is the key to the freedom of being healed. I think the simile in paragraph one about ripping open a gangrenous wound is an excellent comparison to the festering state of pain that's overdue for attention. The sentence about the wounds will still hurt and it will be easy to go back, made me realize that if a fight isn't waged to hold on to the freedom it can quickly be lost. It seems to be a second by second choice. You can be going about your way and the old wound could pop up and try to put you in its grip again. I liked the way you repeated the first sentence again near the ending. It solidifies in the readers minds that this will not be easy work, but as you say, "it is always worth it." This is a wonderful enlightening writing.
Thanks.
I loved it I was there with the characters feeling their frustration, confusion of what was happening and their search for an answer to a problem that was spiraling out of control. At every turn what I thought was going to happen didn't, there was one twist after another. When I thought things were going to get better they got worse. The action was performed by the character and not told of by the writer. The story grabbed and held me until the very end. I usually lose interest in writings of this nature. The images were so vivid and detailed that I could see them as if I was there. The mannerism of the character Ernesto was so realistic I felt I got to know him personally. After becoming aware of the movement of the story, I had a feeling that what was in the garage was going to pose a problem.
You are an excellent writer. I was drowsy when I began to read but it awaken me.
It seems that you are sensitive and on high alert to what's happening in your surroundings. And are fully aware of your fears and if handled with care and love your response will be reciprocated in kind. The poem is short and to the point, but filled with meaning. It provoked me to attempt to understand why the cat, in spite of being loved would still bite and scratch. As I focused on the word "gently" at the end of the last line I finally came to the conclusion that these were love bites and scratches. Focus fell on the last words of stanza 2 and 3, loved and gently, they seemed to offset stanza 1.
I liked the way this poem was graced with a positive aura brought by the flower that was alive in the midst of death and quietness, it spoke a message of life in the midst of what appeared to be the end of all. It was a reminder to all that saw and understood it, that the tomb is not the end of life but a bridge that leads to heaven.
The first line began on a positive note that drew me in, as I read farther it turned sad. I wrapped myself in sadness but the line, "Yet the flower reminded me" split the wrap and allowed hope to rise. This is true to life for me I lost my husband abruptly and this poem is a picture of how I kept myself from sinking into a pit of depression. Although the poem is about a sad subject its positive lines doesn't allow room for remaining sad.
Line 3 and 4 were the only lines that didn't rhyme, It seemed they didn't belong but did, they were pointing out that a flower was out of place in a place of tombs. These lines snagged and caused me to slow for a closer inspection and there I discovered the dichotomy of the poem,a beautiful flower in a place of death entombed.
This is a good piece of writing, the images of your feelings are expressed in a clear riveting fashion. You were honest about the raging storm of feelings that were consuming your emotional well-being. The very core of what was happening within was laid out, opening the opportunity for the readers to respond to the story in their own way. And you gave enough information for us to easily do so.
In the first four lines you gave a synopsis of some characteristic feelings of emotional upheaval. Then in line five you begin to open up with your own personal struggle. Throughout the remainder of the poem you share them with your readers. At the end the source of your pain is revealed, the separation from you child.
I enjoyed reading your story it gave suggestion that one can use to help rebut negative thinking. I will definitely be using it. This is a good narrative story the sequential movement makes it easy to read and clearly understand. You introduced the reader to the person of focus by allowing them a peep at his problem. You moved into the depth of his issues and a solution that you felt might help him; and not him only but others, wrestling with the same or like problem. I especially liked the statement, "Life is a gift, LIVE IT, LOVE IT!"
She opened the depth of her soul to love, anytime this is true if rejected the person is also open to a cavernous let down
My personal thought is that she felt invisible, When she ask the question, "Can you see me?" she didn't expect an answer. She thought no one heard or saw her. The voice was calm and quiet, so quiet that she thought it was from within her. It probably was words of encouragement spoken by someone in the past maybe a close friend, a grandmother or another love one. My thinking is that she had these affirmations stored deeply in her psyche. And and when most needed the warning came forth from within. From what I can decipher, although I may be wrong, the poem seems to be composed mostly of Iambic meter with varying foot length, peppered throughout with trochee meter. In line 3, "Can you see me?" ends in an unstressed syllable and the same is true of line 8, "Can you hear me?" to me this seems to give a lingering effect which draws attention to the lines. I think the same is true of the last line the "ness" in darkness is unstressed, drawing focus. When trochee and iambic meter are used together they give a rise and fall effect to a poem and also slows and speeds its movement.
This is a true to life writing. This scene is playing out every day, across the country young people are rolled into balls of fear and nerves because of bullying. And all of this unknown to their parents, leaving them to seek relief on their own some cross over to the wrong side and take on the personality of their tormentors.
You brought the emotional thought pattern of the participants clearly to the forefront. I was able to identify with the feeling of both the parents and the son. I liked that you had Adam come to the right realization at the end.
This is a profound poem. It put me to work. I couldn't read through it quickly but had to give some thought to whether you were speaking of an earthly son or the one that came from heaven. It seems to be an analogy of a son born with a natural father and becomes a son of God through faith and "the" son of God conceived by the Holy Spirit, both are sons of God and despised because they were different.
The natural mother thought she was alone but God was with her all along and had chosen her son to follow him before his birth.
I hope I was able to grasp some of this rich writing, it held so much depth. There were areas of sadness, but at the end joy and hope sprang forth within me, because the boy and his mother weren't alone at all, although she may have felt it to be so.
This is a true to life poem many, many people are in this situation and so am I. It gives a solution to the problem one only needs to accept it. This poem quietly leads up to the solution it doesn't push or force.
Good work!
In this poem the language is as meaningful as the visual effects in many poems the shape can become more important than the message. Like every bone of the foot works together to bare the weight of the body, walking in the foot prints of all
the examples mentioned in the poem will assist in forming a well rounded personality that can bare the issues of life with strength.
My personal thought concerning the poem is that I would put the people closest and most important in the heel since it bears most of the body's weight and they being closest to me would be my best examples, due to the possibility of viewing their lives up close and often.
Just a thought, this is an excellent poem. At first I didn't recognize its shape until I got to the heel. I then viewed the entire page.
What a surprise, a footprint!
Blessed7x7
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/naomi05
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 12:00pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
