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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/natechia
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272 Public Reviews Given
272 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will give you an honest review, straight forward. I believe that we improve when we know what and when to better something or ourselves. I am also learning but through this interaction of giving and taking we will both become knowledgeable. I try and always look at a piece from an artistic point of view and then from a grammatical point of view.
I'm good at...
I like to read poetry, fiction, comedy, educational articles. I also like to read scripts, I also write screenplays and know what the criteria is.
Favorite Genres
Fiction/nonfiction sci-fiction Poetry Comedy Crime Thriller
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica Gore (vampires, trolls)
Favorite Item Types
Short stories Poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
Erotic poetry Anything to do with sacrifices,hell,devil
I will not review...
I will not review anything that has explicit in detail sex scenes and anything that is overly graphic in terms of a murder scene.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Goodnight I Say  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Scholar* *Scholar* *Scholar* *Scholar*


WELCOME TO THE WRITING. COM COMMUNITY!


This community provides you with the opportunity to grow as a writer. There are many different contests, genres and people to explore. Take the time to introduce yourself to us. Remember we are not perfect but we understand the craft of writing.

Once more a warm welcome!

*ButtonForward* YOUR POEM *ButtonRewind*

*Clapper* TITLE:
Your title is definite and ads an air of confidence from the writer. You use your title in the poem predominantly in the first stanza and then it alters in the remainder of the stanzas. Eventhough, that takes place it does in no way diminish the concept.

*Equalizer* TONE/DICTATION:
Your dictation and tone are of someone attempting to find themselves in a way we use the night (moonlight), mirror and window. These elements are linked to exploring who we are as people, whether guidance through the moon, accepting our own image in a mirror or dreaming of the world beyond the window.

*Camera* IMAGERY/SOUND:
So we are teased with our senses listening to machines, brushing teeth, gazing through the window and visually observing the rays pass through the window. Great job at the subtle but observable use of senses!

*Shuffle* FLOW/RHYME:
When I first read this poem it felt like a Dr.Seuss build-up, which would be interesting. His style is unique and I'd love to see someone build off of that style. It flows for me and the rhyme works but adding certain punctuation and removing some clutter words could enhance this even further.

*Headphones* FAVORITE:

"So i say, with enough delay.
Good night
Sleep tight
May dreams be of delight."

*Turntable* REPETITION:
There is repetition, particuliarly in the second stanza and the i not being capitalized is an issue.

*Speaker* SUGGESTIONS:
Try writing a few versions of this poem by adding or removing certain words. In the last stanza, I would place a period at the end of line 2 and 3 for a greater closing. You have a great set of bones here!


WELL DONE!

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis

*PointRight*Everything said in this review is from my personal experience as a reader. You can use some of these points or discard this review.

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2
2
Review of Forced into Being  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tim Chiu Author IconMail Icon,

I came across this powerful poem. According to the description of your poem, I would say you achieve this effect in the tone and choice of words that build up to the positive outcome.

My favorite:
Love can lead to head-scratching, but faithfully, I trod –
A love so true and blessed as this, quite trustingly I nod,
I sacrifice peace to hold her hand, the holy name of God,
Is such a lake for catching fish, with prayerful reel and rod!

Thank you for sharing this amazing piece of writing.

Greetings, Natechia.


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3
3
Review of Memories.  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
WELCOME TO WDC!!!

I enjoyed this poem. It has many of the poetic elements and you have a beautiful way of teasing our senses. A strong message is conveyed to the reader to cherish memories and moments.

My favorite:
'A tangerine moonlight isolates itself as an image of beauty.
In the otherwise cream and blue colored sky.
Old Stars glow and grow old until they fail to shine.
The others seem to glisten forever.'

Suggestions:
The third line- drop the 's' from pines
Make the font larger. This will allow for a better read.
Try a version where you place line breaks.

I truly enjoyed this piece and can't wait to read more of your work.

Greetings Natechia.


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4
4
Review of The Fall  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Antonia ,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*ExclaimBl* Please note these are my thoughts and can be used by you or not.

This is a reasoning poem. Your poem walks us through the reason why we love and why we ultimately have a heart. The story build up is exceptional in taking us through what happens and the strength this organ has in dealing with this powerful emotion. SUPERB!

*Medalgold* TITLE

I love the title because it is simple and poignant. It's strong in the sense you use it throughout your poem in various verb tenses and in the second to the last stanza you use the actual title. This pulls the reader in.

*Medalgold* TONE/DICTATION

The tone is, to me, both of excitement and anxiety. The dictation is strong in bringing this to the reader's attention.The way you have built up the story around how this emotion takes a hold of us is where we can feel the excitement and anxiety. BRAVO!

*Medalgold* IMAGERY/SOUND

I could read this poem and feel my senses being teased. An outstanding job in provoking our senses.

*Medalgold* FLOW/RHYME

The flow is good, I think this a perfect flow for the message you are trying to relay to your readers.

*Medalgold* FAVORITE


"Love and pain,
are one in the same.
It’s the synonym,
I can live with., perhaps
To fight and love in equal measure.
It’s the contradiction,
I can live with."

*Medalgold* REPETITION

 There is some repetition of the term love and the expressions: 'In his eyes and in his touch.' Although it doesn't slow the poem down in terms of flow, perhaps a second draft you could exclude these expressions and see if it makes an impact on the overall composition. Regardless, your poem flows gracefully.

*Medalgold* SUGGESTIONS

In a second version beginning your poem with the last stanza first and taking it from there. This will be an excellent exercise for yourself and allow you to continue crafting this poem.

All in all, keep it because this is a beautiful poem. ALL IN ALL, I LOVE IT!

WELL DONE!

Look forward to reading more of your work in the future.*ThumbsUp*

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis


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5
5
Review of Minty  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Firstly, *ConfettiG* A BIG WELCOME TO WDC! *ConfettiO*

*ButtonForward* The story: This is a unique story about a 'job' this animal had to do and their bond with you. I would like to encourage you to write an essay, if possible, so we may understand their tremendous bravery. They seem to be forgotten at times, and you can speak for them now. I enjoyed the playful manner of how you introduce us to Minty.

*ButtonForward* Your tone and dictation: you are set to become an amazing writer and you managed to engage some emotions in me, the reader. That is your goal as a writer. Bravo!

*ButtonForward* Poetic elements: you do have some rhyming and rhythm which allows for flow but the lack of punctuation slows this piece down. I know you will be able to make this piece great when you do your second edit.

You have a unique story here and I would love to see what you can do with it, either using it as a base for a short story, essay or article. But also different poetic versions.

Welcome again, and I can't wait to read more of your work.

All the best and keep writing,

Natechia dos Reis


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6
6
Review of Travel Pictures  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this photo album with us. I love to travel and the US is on my list of countries to visit. I'm an amateur photographer and one of my favorite things to photograph is flowers and sculptures. So I had to comment on your photos.

You have an incredible eye for detail and your exposure is amazing. I see so many incredible stories in each image.

Truly enjoyed seeing a bit of the beauty of the US.
7
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Review of Bamboozled!  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Enjoyed this piece!

You have an incredibly defined voice which I devoured reading. The descriptive words to describe the horse and the amount of information we receive through the dialogue about the characters. BRAVO! The story has constant pace and we follow the plot with ease. SUPERB!

This was a treat to read. Thank you for posting it so we can read your talent.

Keep well and keep writing!


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8
8
Review of The Day I Died  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Dear Rhoswen - Relentless Victory Author IconMail Icon

Firstly, I would like to welcome you to WDC!

Secondly, I was drawn to your poem because of the title. After reading your poem I must truthfully admit I sat for a while gazing at my screen and taking everything in, that is described in this poem. This is a strong emotional poem and you have written it in such a realistic way that I can see, feel and hear these words.
Our job as a writer is to bring to other people's attention real issues in a variety of ways, either through writing, film or music. You have done that here, in the way a serious matter as this should be addressed- straightforward.

I truly hope that by expressing your emotions about this traumatic event will help you deal with it a little better. Here I extend my writers hand out to you from the other side of the world and say: 'I'm here for you.'

I'm humbled that you had an extraordinary special kind of courage to post this poem.

Keep writing. Keep courageous.

Greetings,
Natechia dos Reis


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9
9
Review of Love mankind  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Alka!

WELCOME TO WDC!

I had to read this short article, it speaks to many areas I work in and am interested in. You've managed to capture many thoughts in so few words. I can sense the emotion in your writing style and understand the importance of this theme to you.

Your writing style: there are a few grammatical mistakes I picked up. For instance:
Second sentence: you wrote 'witch' - do you mean which?
Fourth sentence: 'bounded' re-read this sentence to make sure you are using the correct tense and there should be 'the' before world.
Last phrase: it should be 'heart' for a better comprehension.

My favorite: 'Ego is the creator of hatred'

Suggestions: I would try and expand this article further. I sense there is much more you want to say on this topic. I for one would like to read some more. I enjoy your poetic style of writing.

Overall an outstanding job!

Keep writing!
Natechia dos Reis


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10
10
Review of The Magical Day  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Puzzle1* *Puzzle1* *Puzzle1* *Puzzle1* *Puzzle1* *Puzzle1*


*PointRight* Your story:

Firstly, WELCOME TO WRITING.COM!

Secondly, I enjoyed reading your story. Even though this is an entry in a diary it is a topic that many people can understand for having gone through the same or having known someone who experienced this undeserving behavior. I commend you for the courage of exposing this theme to the community as one of your first writing pieces, as well as, the amount of feeling displayed in this short entry. A superb job of bravery!.


*PointRight* Story dynamic:

You caught our attention with the realness of the characters mentioned in this entry.

The language element is personal in nature. A writer always writes what he knows, and through your words we see this accomplished in this draft.

*PointRight* Favorite points:

"And after that, nobody teased me again. Now, people are nice to me. I mean, not like they invite me to every sleepover they have. They just don't tease me. I am finally really happy. And Wally and I stayed best friends, and will, forever.

*PointRight* Final words:

You are starting to write about what is important to you. Continue to do this because as your title states you deserve every day to be magical! You are a writer now and one of us. Many people don't have the courage you displayed with this entry and you should hold your head up to the heavens for this accomplishment.

As a creative suggestion I would say: continue to work on these diary entries, read them over to find little grammatical mistakes but also again your words could land up encouraging others. This is our job as writers, to tell the truth! Our words weigh on all that read them. Never forget! Fictional character or real life person, you're 10 years old Bruce and you have become a hero to me!

You have a gifted muse guiding an already gifted writer. I hope my simple review of your story helped. I look forward to reading more of your work.

All the best from your fellow writer,
Natechia dos Reis
*SuitDiamond* *SuitDiamond* *SuitDiamond* *SuitDiamond* *SuitDiamond* *SuitDiamond*



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11
11
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Scholar* *Scholar* *Scholar* *Scholar*


WELCOME TO THE WRITING. COM COMMUNITY!


This community provides you with the opportunity to grow as a writer. There are many different contests, genres and people to explore. Take the time to introduce yourself to us. Remember we are not perfect but we understand the craft of writing.

Once more a warm welcome!

*ButtonForward* YOUR POEM *ButtonRewind*

I enjoyed the story of your poem. Everyone has dreams which make this a theme readers can relate to and understand your desire to share them.

*Clapper* TITLE:

Even though many consider titles should be one word, I believe it should be a short taste of the story you want to tell. A title in many cases can be reinforced if you mention it in your poem. You did just that reminding the reader the point of this poem. Excellent work here!

*Equalizer* TONE/DICTATION:

You are consistent with both tone and dictation. You use a few words that could make a reader trip but your overall choice of words is great.

*Camera* IMAGERY/SOUND:

You do entice our senses with predominantly elements relating to our sense of vision. Perhaps in an alternative version of this poem you could try another sense. It is a great exercise to try and use the same poem as a backboard to attune the use of poetic elements as well as confronting the different senses.

*Shuffle* FLOW/RHYME:

There is a sense of flow and rhyming.

*Headphones* FAVORITE:

"I’d like to have a picket fence
That lines the walkway through.
To walk a cobbled stone each morn
And take in that is new. "

*Turntable* REPETITION:

In the first stanza, you have the repetition of the word 'with' and in the last stanza the repetition of the word 'would'. In both cases, it doesn't slow the flow or deter the meaning of the poem.

*Speaker* SUGGESTIONS:

As mentioned before using this poem and try starting this poem with the first stanza as last and the last as first. Try calling our attention to the other senses. Try writing this poem in another poetic format (free verse, acrostic etc). You will understand your poetic voice and refine your inner poet!



WELL DONE!

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis

*PointRight*Everything said in this review is from my personal experience as a reader. You can use some of these points or discard this review.

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12
12
Review of Second Chances  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear April ,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*ExclaimBl* Please note these are my thoughts and can be used by you or not. The rating I give is based on me wanting to better you as a writer.

This poem is a renewed opportunity at life. We're introduced to a former queen of Egypt coming back to life in her sarcophagus, and all the emotions she feels associated with her past and her current state. It isn't easy to understand what a person would feel if they came back to life, so I applaud your effort in trying to capture the scenes and emotions. I'm familiar with your work and poetic voice, thus I believe you have done a good job here but with another pass, you'll make this a great piece.

*Medalgold* TITLE

Appropriate title. It's strong and pulls the reader in. You also use it in the last line, bringing the poem full circle. EXCELLENT WORK HERE!

*Medalgold* TONE/DICTATION

The tone, to me, is both of reflection and anxiety.
The dictation is consistent in bringing this to the reader's attention. Although I know you can capture the extraordinary scenes with a revision and omit a few filler words. The last stanza shows us the reason for her existence now and these characters resolve for their future. WELL DONE!

*Medalgold* IMAGERY/SOUND

Here I would try adding more imagery and wording that call up our other senses. You inform us about the character using superficial adjectives. I know you can enrich the descriptive part, after all, we are talking about one of the richest kingdoms to have ever existed. Inform us readers through descriptive words that make our minds work. Tell us how is the queen (legendary, old, antique).

*Medalgold* FLOW/RHYME

The flow is reasonable, I think you can perfect your flow for the message you are trying to relay to your readers.I personally didn't feel a flow in certain parts . You also use an adverb, in most cases try and avoid these in poetry, it slows your creative writing down. In this poem, it works in that line. I'm sure with a rewrite you will nail this poem on the head!

*Medalgold* FAVORITE

"Skin that shriveled and rotted long ago
is fresh with a new glow"

*Medalgold* REPETITION

 There is the repetition of the words 'and' and 'with' throughout the poem.In the first stanza the last line you have two 'are' present. A few filler words slow your poem down. Again, you will correct these with a rewrite because I know your calibre.

*Medalgold* SUGGESTIONS

I commend you for taking on the task of tackling a character in the afterlife setting. There are a few suggestions which I have sent as an attachment to your email. Your writing has always been honey to read and I'm always honored to review your work. I know you will make this a breathless poem filled with shimmering life.


Look forward to reading more of your work.*ThumbsUp*

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis


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13
13
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
At first glance you make the reader think their addiction to WDC.

I enjoyed reading this interesting dialogue. It is both engaging and flows. The different characters are distinctive and the reader can tell them apart.

Another point for me in a dialogue story- is the story! You have a start, middle and ending. We have no difficulty in following that story.

The dialogue is relatable and feels authentic. GREAT JOB!

Thank you for sharing your work.


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14
14
Review of Alone  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
HiFreddie Margot Author IconMail Icon

Firstly WELCOME TO WDC!!!!
It is wonderful to welcome new members, especially on this special occasion. Please feel at home here and enjoy your time.

And now your poem:
This is a difficult and easy subject to write about. There is not one person on this planet that hasn't felt alone at one time or another. So I can understand the context of your poem.

You use the title in the poem and this is a good thing because it reminds the reader what you are discussing.

You describe many situations of being alone and finish by stating that this isn't how you want to feel. The important part of writing poetry is telling a story for the reader and making sure that they will walk away with an emotion or thought about what they just read.

You have here the 'skeletons' of a great poem. If I may ( and please note this is just my opinion you don't have to follow this at all), read different types of poetry. Learn about the elements that make up a poem. Find your voice as a poet. This takes practice, time and read, read, read and read some more.

I believe if you do so, even by reading other poets here on WDC, you'll be able to breathe life into this poem soon.

Keep writing. Keep growing as a writer.
Thank you for introducing your work to us all!


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15
15
Review of The Nectar Thief  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Exceptional!

A dialogue between you and a hummingbird. It is engaging, easy to follow and the idea- brilliant.
I enjoyed the tone and dictation. We are observers to this encounter and captured from start to finish.

The title is appropriate to the content of this poem.

You have both rhyme and rhythm in this poem which makes both pieces of dialogue entertaining. The introduction of the speakers is well placed.

Suggestions: I would say nothing. The dialogue feels natural spoken dialogue with a poetic twist.

I have had this experience of trying to photograph one of these beautiful creatures and failed. So on that note, I can relate to this poem.

Beautiful job and in my view creative writing indeed!

All the best for your future projects.


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16
16
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed this short poem. I think you achieved your point rather well. The wording is direct and depicts the emotion you want to convey: sarcasm. You also use the title in the poem so the reader can't walk away without knowing what the poem is about. Bravo!

You centered the poem and this makes the reader focus. Excellent job with this detail.

A suggestion: remove the title from the body it is already at the top. Also which version are you going for: pre-emption or preemption?

An amazing job and an awesome style!


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17
17
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Thank you for this helpful insight into product review. I have only done 1 or 2 product reviews but never knew exactly how it all went. Now I'm informed I will do my best to increase my product reviews.

This was extremely helpful and well explained. Thank you again.


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18
18
Review of Switch~A~Roo Zoo  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading this poem because well I live in Africa. So I can relate to the different types of animals and their behaviours. All that being said, I love this concept of the switch. Original!

You have a good flow and a strong ending, captivating our attention with all the 'switch -a-roos'. The title draws us in and you explain the very same throughout your poem, not leaving us to doubt anything.

I love the imagery, as I said before seeing these animals many times, I will try to imagine them having this type of behaviours.

My favourite part:

The hippo has wings to fly up up and away
The alligator's hopping the kangaroo way
The penguins are living in caves like a bear
The goats are swimming around with no care

A suggestion: why not try and turn this poem into a short story.

Thank you for sharing your work.


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19
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Firstly, WELCOME TO WDC!!!

You're going to love this new home.

As for your story I enjoyed reading it. The characters are real, the dialogue is genuine and your story flows. You did an amazing job with this scene. You add description but not overwhelming your reader. EXCELLENT JOB!

I can't wait to read more of your work in the future.


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20
20
Review of Untitled5  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Firstly, WELCOME TO OUR AWESOME COMMUNITY!

Now your poem.

I engulf myself in this type of poetry, because if you can say something in so few words, but leave someone thinking about those few words then that is being a poet.

I enjoy the imagery. It's majestic! The message is straightforward and powerful. There is flow and although it is short you give us, the reader, an interesting and provoking thought in which to contemplate. I believe this is the job of every poet. You have done an amazing job here. BRAVO!

A suggestion: try as an exercise adding on a few more stanzas and to enhance the presentation I would centre this poem.

A wonderful job!

Thank you for sharing. Can't wait to read more of your work.


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21
21
Review of Snowflake  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Anthony Sanders


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*ExclaimR* Firstly please note this is merely my opinion and you should use what you want from this as a guide to better your story. This is still your story!

*Bookopen*

*Info* The story concept:

This is a modern day story and applies to not only the global society we all live in, as well as, the individual one we belong to. It is simple, straightforward scenes. As a reader, this is what I personally enjoy. Well done here!

*Dialog*



*Info* Dialogue:

The dialogue in your story flows, and the reader understands this concept that goes from point A to point B. This is a short story but I commend you in the way you used your dialogue tags. Enough information at the right moment.

*Woman* *Man*


*Info* Characters:

These are strong, well portrayed 'everyday' individuals. All the characters, primary and secondary (to me I see the wind as being a secondary character here in this story) are well described. The characters have just enough depth for us the reader to relate and understand.

*Thought*


*Info* Story build up:

I enjoyed how you build this story up. You introduce us, the readers, into a world that is a torment for the main character, a decision that makes him feel torn inside.I love how you give a strong beginning and you conclude with an equally strong ending; in particular using the same dialogue tag. Round the story up nicely.

*ExclaimBl* *QuestionBL*


*Info* Language/Punctuation:

You have a few points that I saw (please see suggestion below).

*Tools* *PointRight* I use a program called www.editminion.com , after I've written a story I run it through this program to help me better the quality of my wording. This has helped me immensely. Give it a try and you will see once you start going through your story, it becomes better every time.

*TrophyS* *TrophyS* *TrophyS*


*Info* Favorite :

'She smiled softly, and placed her other hand onto my face. By every second, I could feel her body stiffening in the cold. “There is one thing we can do. Only this time it means much more to me Jack.”

I peered within her hollow eyes anxiously. “What is it Sarah? What do you want me to do?”

She hardened her grasp onto my face, her opaque eyes locked onto mine. “Kiss me Jack…our last for tonight.” '


*Idea*

*Info* Suggestions:

Perhaps a little more description of the location, of their appearance.

All in all, I believe this is an original story with an amazing writer behind it. Try going through it again, and I would love to read the new draft. I hope this has helped you in some way.

I wish you all the best with this piece and look forward to more of your work.
Thank you for sharing your talent with us.*ThumbsUp*


Greetings,
Natechia

*PointRight* I hope this review has been helpful to you and I'm glad I can be a part of your future writing career.





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22
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TJ Marie.

I truly enjoy this story. It sounds all so interesting, the different groups their actions and how it is all developing. If you are writing this in chapters I would love to read it. Character names are strong, description of contents is appealing and you have a great build up to the climax of your story. Really enjoyed reading this part and can't wait for the book!

Great job!!


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23
23
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear WATERLILLY ,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*ExclaimBl* Please note these are my thoughts and can be used by you or not.

Firstly, WELCOME TO WRITING.COM!!!

This is an exhilarating poem. A strong sentiment is conveyed here, one of a somewhat confused and desperate character, and how she deals with its surroundings and change. I believe you've achieved this with few words. BRAVO!

*Medalgold* TITLE

I love the title. It's strong and pulls the reader in.

*Medalgold* TONE/DICTATION

The tone is, to me, both of the will to move forward, fight for survival and anxiety. The dictation is strong in bringing this to the reader's attention. We can see how at first this situation tried to get the better of her 'and as she stumbled...' but despite her struggle she held on to hope 'she continued forward...' And you end this poem with the title coming full circle. WELL DONE!

*Medalgold* IMAGERY/SOUND

Your use of imagery is superb! You engage our senses and that is what us readers want to feel with all our senses.

*Medalgold* FLOW/RHYME

The flow is good, I think this is a perfect flow for the message you are trying to relay to your readers. Although look at your sentences. I didn't detect the use of any lazy words- avoid lazy words : like, very, that, just, unless absolutely necessary for your piece. You also use an adverb, try and avoid these in poetry. It slows your creative writing down.

*Medalgold* FAVORITE


'She ran into the forest,
As the dawn shattered the night.
Slipped through the ever reaching fingers,
Of the mornings blinding light.'


*Medalgold* REPETITION

 There is no repetition. Your poem flows neatly.

*Medalgold* SUGGESTIONS

This is a beautiful first draft. I would suggest maybe a second version where you place the poem in stanzas and see how that flows.All in all, keep it because this is a beautiful poem. ALL IN ALL, I LOVE IT!

WELL DONE!

Look forward to reading more of your work in the future.*ThumbsUp*

Keep writing!

All the best,
Natechia dos Reis


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24
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey Chardan,

I enjoyed reading your poem. The style is interesting to me, because it breaks away from tradition. The imagery you use is powerful a 'raging bull'. You have done something interesting with this poem. I believe if you work on perhaps an extra stanza or two you can turn this poem into a beautiful piece of writing.

Keep writing. Thank you for sharing.


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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the words. It is abundantly clear to hear the story behind these words. It was beautiful and powerful. Above all you can hear the truth pouring out of the songwriter. Extremely beautiful!

Thank you fore sharing your song writing talent with our community.
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