Hahah, this is some cool piece of writing for which I'm not afraid to give a 5.0. The character of Captain is very vivid and actually the girl stays behind, but probably this is what she should be doing (I don't know, is it a novel, will it be continued? Anyway I'm rating what I have read so far). Good language, but it's the irony of spectator in the theatre of life (our captain) that makes the story. Like the bastard above all the other bastards (btw I like this saying, hell popular on our tennis message board :p). At the final entries it starts to be less comical, but not because you're out of shape, but it's get a little bit scary. Also not sure about where the story goes in case it goes somewhere, hopefully you haven't used your best texts already at the beginning and will have something left in the bag. Best greetings.
What a cool optimistic stuff! At first I didn't know your age and country, so it was hard to give a rate, but now I checked you actually were a published author and prize winner, so I can't give more than 3,5, because you surely can perform better. Too repetitive (not only in terms of words) for my liking, and I dare to say the contrast between Hope and Despair hasn't been presented sharply enough. Maybe it's on purpose, as it's kept in laid-back style with a happy ending, but I suppose the smile upon a reader's face would be brighter, if the story was two tones darker itself ;) The idea is great though and I like the story nevertheless, so chin up!
At first, let there be no misunderstaning. I don't review for points or crap like that. I find it amazing that there are thousands of talented people around the world who are brave to make an emotional striptease, and stand naked, waiting for opinions.
Poetry is probably the most intimate kind of art, even if it's not meant to be delicate. Your art is beautiful and reminded me why I had loved poetry. You aren't cheap and I love the pointa in the end. As every good poem, brings a mystery and encourages to discussion. I might be wrong with my guessing of meaning, but if I was back then at highschool times when I analyzed poems at A-levels, I would have said it's not really about the puppy, it's about the human who used to stay in glory and couldn't live without a smile, forgotten by everyone. It's a story about the time passing and generation exchange, so I guess from the line with a child's laughter.
But I am not giving an analyze, which only can be subjective and different to anyone (uhhhh wellllll, I wish somebody has ever told this my Polish literature teacher!), I am giving you 5 stars for keeping it REAL, screwing all the technical aspects. And also, something like a perfect guide to write a poem is sick to me, because it's a mirror of our soul.
Hey, it's really some quality stuff, I adore your vocabulary and ability of using it (meh, I wish I was at home with my big dic.. uhmm, whatever). Having noticed that text was published for a magazine, I dare to assume you're a journalist or at least something of that kind. You probably write a lot and it's great, but sometimes it means we lack the fresh air and really cosmic ideas. Of course, readers will buy everything, but I've written too much of similar stuff myself to not notice this article didn't come up to you with the ease like some of your favourite works did. Personally I regret you didn't include the intro from the "review" page in the text, it was a really great beginning, could be a firework to the standing on a high level piece of art.
Maybe also describing different family members and their tendencies in house decorating would more fuel a reader's imagination, even very little babies are keen on decorating and some people have experienced this, some have experienced an old uncle on wheelchair who has always planned on being an artist but always failed just like I was failing at each of maths' tests.
I know you have a perfect rating right now, but I will give you 4, not because you're worse than dudettes from Cosmopolin or other kind of rubbish I occassionaly happen to read in my country, but because I am convinced YOU can do even better than that, and when I have time, I'll surely read your other works too.
Best greetings from Poland,
Nathii
PS. I love "Tosca", but "Turandot" is my favourite.
Hey, it's the first thing I've ever read on this page, because I love the funny plays, however I still think the key to make it funny is to have the good actors, which also means characteristic ones. I know your general story spine, but at first glance I would more like Dan to be fat (and yeah, with a pretty girl), more like a character Howard from "Death at a funeral" (not sure if you have seen it). But overall, I like the way conversation goes, that it's not getting boring, but it develops and the responses get funnier basing on taken convention, which is also more and more readable for spectators. What I may have objections about, is the ending. Maybe it would be cooler if Ashley really stayed there with Simon and they sacked Dan out of the door. The idea of the end is cool, that Jess won't go out and throws the money on the floor, but IMO this can be improved even more. After good pace spectators should be entertained with a really, ending out of moon. I give you four stars (I don't know if it's good or bad, not familiar with this site yet definitely) because I sense a fake comedy with a 7th sense (or 6th... sorry, I suck at maths) and this one was not the case, I would surely enjoy it at short play contest.
Oh, one more thing, theater classes are boring, he should better have to prepare a speech about sexual life of worms or something equally stupid, it's a cheap laugh trick at entrance!
Best greetings!
Nathii from Poland ;)
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