Only noticed a few spelling errors, but I hate to pick apart something petty like the grammar, when the poem is so perfect otherwise. I love the lines " I keep trying to write something about you, but nothing could explain." and "And out of the all the angles in the sky, you truly are the best." It seems impossible to be able to describe everything that was a person, especially when they aren't around anymore. But then in the next stanza, and the next line I quoted, you where able to capture the emotion. You can't describe them or find the words, but you do know that they are still the best person ever. Loved the read, and its a new Favirot
-Sara
For the most part, I am bias when it comes to punctuation in poetry, but you employed it masterfully! The none rhyme of the poem brought out the strong emotion, and was an excellent choice for this subject matter. Sometimes rhyming gives things a dr. seuss, or nursery rhyme feeling, which is good if the intention of the poem is whimsical. This poem speaks strongly, And the composition broke it up in away that allowed you to break down your stream of thought. Definitely an excellent poem, but with the potential in those lines I see only the possibility of improvement.
Great work:)
-sara
Please check out my portfolio! I am trying out poetry, and like it, but other opinions and helpful criticism are appreciated!
The intensity and bluntness of the rhyming scheme is something I have never employed in my own poetry, but nevertheless enjoyed in yours. The subject matter was also something original and introspective, and made for unique reading material. It sucked me in, and I couldn't stop reading once I had began. Bravo! An excellent piece.
-Sara
Sweet and refreshing, you write well and in a way that draws the reader in. Once I started this poem it kept my attention and I couldn't stop reading; which for an A.D.D reader like me, is quite a feat. Your phrases and dashes have quite a traditional effect, and bring a lot to the poem. Great job, please write more!
-Sara
Incredible feeling and emotion in this poem. I am especially touched by the line "You're only five years old/and the story's almost written/you know what this is/yet no one will listen" Guess it is true how simple and clear everything is when you are younger. Masterfully written
I love your rhyming scheme, it is one I have tried using thousands of times, simply because of the whimsical, flowing tone it creates in the poem.
Sometimes it can be difficult, simply because it is not traditional, but you employed it masterfully.
This poem is beautiful and touching, and something I will be re-reading over and over again
Great work!
-Sara
strong composition! I enjoyed the consistent "one" at the beginning of each verse. This is possibly one of the best things i have read yet today. Please never change this!
-Sara
I only noticed a few spelling errors, but otherwise this is gold. By acoustic, did you mean this was a song? If so, credit to you, songs are sometimes harder to write then poems. Great Job, and I look forward to more!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ninakupenda
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 11:41am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
