Very well written.
Reads like a comic book, or a graphic novel, to be precise.
Powerful first person narration, if i were you, this is how my book would start.
However I did notice one thing out of place. The description of the post suggests that the immortal faced a dilemma whether or not to intervene in mortal matters, whereas the narration in the post itself indicates a much more decisive anger and purpose. So unless thats what you were going for , you should look into what the premise is.
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