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The Map's Pact

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Harsh Hand

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Ned

Review Requests: ON

255 Public Reviews Given

255 Total Reviews Given

Public Reviews

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14 days may be credited.

#4783279

Review of Promptly Poetry

for entry "Good Dog!"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I am reviewing your poem "Good Dog!"

that was entered into Promptly Poetry.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: The poem tells a cute tale of a doggy going from door to door in a costume on Halloween,

VOICE/TONE:The poem is written in a light-hearted voice, describing the dog, his costume and demeanor as he holds his pumpkin basket full of treats. It creates a fun atmosphere.

FORM: The poem is not in rhyme but there’s one or two places where it feels like it rhymes. There’s a fun and light feel to the rhythm of the poem.

FINAL THOUGHTS The poem is very cute and portrays the and his costumed adventure playfully. Poor doggie gets no chocolate, though! I enjoyed this little tale.

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4783278

Review of Poetically Prompted

for entry "Just treat please"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I am reviewing your poem "Just treat please"

that was entered into Promptly Poetry.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Everybody who has ever had a dog knows that dogs want whatever you’re eating and will go through all sort of shenanigans to obtain a mouthful. I could see the dog trying to do all the tricks it could to win a treat.

VOICE/TONE:The poem is written in the dog’s voice and he is trying to win over his human through tail wags and barks, trying to do all these tricks in a Halloween manner. The dog knows that each one of these performances means “please” but we don’t find out if the human understood and complied.

FORM: The poem is not rhymed but establishes a rhythm with the repeat of he phrase “I try to please, May I have a treat?” This feels very much like the repetitive insistence of a dog begging for a treat,

FINAL THOUGHTS The poem is very cute and portrays dog behavior very well. Only one suggestion would be to change “loose” to “lose”.

I think the dog should get his treat!

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4782818

Review of Promptly Poetry

for entry "My Joy"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I am reviewing your poem "My Joy"

that was entered into Promptly Poetry.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Your poem resonated with me in many ways. You echoed my thoughts on joy and maybe even happiness. Joy is a fleeting thing, it might just be one tiny electric jolt to the heart and then gone in an instant. Happiness is difficult to maintain as the world and circumstances of each day change. Contentment is the most likely thing to be achieved but even maintaining contentment requires some act of will.

VOICE/TONE: I feel like you started off questioning joy and happiness and even your ability to achieve them but by the end of the poem, having numbered your strengths and accomplishments, I think you might have convinced yourself you are doing alright and by that measure, you ought to consider yourself content and even happy. I think you might even have experienced joy when your writing won awards. Overall, the tone of the poem is encouraging despite starting in doubt.

FORM: The poem is in free verse.

FINAL THOUGHTS This poem could be an exercise in self esteem and finding contentment. Maybe everyone should write a poem like this now and again as a reminder that there are happy moments in life even when we are not bouncy with joy.

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4782684

Review of Promptly 4 and 5

for entry "Halloween At Last"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I am reviewing your poem "Halloween At Last"

that was entered into Promptly Poetry.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Never before did I think of ghostly possession as being a fun and cooperative project. This was a unique take on the prompt.

VOICE/TONE: The poem weaves a tale of poor little Johnny, gone too soon but not gone far enough to keep him from his old haunts (pun intended). He truly misses Halloween and comes up with a clever scheme to participate. It isn’t just the clever idea behind the poem that makes it a fun read. The entire poem is executed masterfully. I’d like this to become a standard Halloween story or urban legend. I can see kids toasting marshmallows round the campfire and telling the tale of Johnny, whilst looking suspiciously at every dog they see on Halloween night.

FORM: The poem is written in quatrains of rhyming couplets with an aabb rhyme scheme. All the rhymes flow well.

FINAL THOUGHTS This is a fun poem and very original! Great job.

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4778285

Review of Musings

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I am reviewing your poem "Musings"

. Please keep in mind that ALL of the views expressed are purely my own, any suggestions are meant to be helpful, but you are entitled to reject any and all of my opinions. I hope you find something helpful or encouraging.

Okay, enough with the disclaimers.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: This poem is as easy to slip into as a comfortable chair.

VOICE/TONE: How I feel this poem - the sudden rush of summer into autumn when it finally decides to change. It happens so quickly one wonders how any human could so neatly divide the calendar to reflect the changes as September shrugs off August and proceeds to put on a show of color. Nothing is more comforting than snuggling into a favorite nook with a favorite book and when the weather turns to fall, it is a built-in excuse for doing so. It is at times like this that we think about things and people we care about. Wishing your friend an escape into another world without the worries of the real world also speaks to time rushing on and to taking a break. Oh, to stop time and just be somewhere in our minds as a way to distract from the rush, just as Autumn distracts us with scarlet leaves to keep us from thinking about the winter that is coming.

FINAL THOUGHTS I enjoyed the crinkle and snap of scarlet leaves, the warmth of the coffee and watching the leaves and pages turn. Nicely said.

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4778269

Review of Promptly 4 and 5

for entry "A Soft Day"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I am reviewing your poem "A Soft Day"

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: There is everything magical and yet familiar in this poem. The title itself is perfect, for nothing is softer than a day where the rain is a mist that rests upon you rather than falls upon you.

VOICE/TONE: I don’t pretend to know how you’ve done it but your poem is as soft to read as the day it describes. There is a hushed reverence for a rain that surrounds but does not soak., The poem treats the reader to sensations and observations that bring that cloud that comes down to meet us. I can feel the freshness on my face of the soft, moisture-laden air. It’s impossible to mention every lush description, every line works to create the atmosphere. And while there is a joy in the remembrance of this kind of day, there is the thought that while we swim in the mist that it is also a veil that hides our secrets.

FINAL THOUGHTS This is a highly evocative poem that is full of atmosphere and reverie. It truly does have a gentle touch that steals our hearts.

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4777540

Review of The Underwater City and Two Quests

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi, my name is Ned

and these are just my thoughts after reading your story

TITLE: The title is intriguing and fits the story well.

PLOT: The plot unfolds to the children at the same time it unfolds to the reader. There is a first story and it might be helpful if one has read that but the plot of this story still seems to stand alone, the quests in the underwater city being separate from any prior story about these characters.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The children do become more individual to us as the story develops but I would love to know more about them and why they are chosen for this quest.

FAVORITE PART or LINE: George was coughing and needing his puffer. Stephen was looking around in amazement trying to understand what had just happened. Sam, for the first time had no words to say. Here is where we get a good look at the differences in the children and their individual personalities. More like this, please.

READABILITY-GRAMMAR-PUNCTUATION: There are a few areas where punctuation could help the flow. For instance, there’s a comma needed here: Still, she has been there a bit longer this time. The comma gives us the rhythm of the sentence. Also, give some attention to the quote marks. There are quote marks for dialogue that open but do not close and the puntuation should be checked.

SUGGESTIONS: I am a little confused that the children started out in a lake but end up in the ocean. I feel this is not a continuity problem but meant to be, but I think it would help the reader if there was a line or two of explanation about the location change. I might also like a little more info on the children to get a good grasp of their ages, appearance, personalities, etc. I would type the whole thing into a different word program, maybe Google Docs and fix the inconsistencies of the formatting. Google Docs is just my favorite, so a personal preference for ease of use.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: This was a very engaging piece of fiction. You managed to build a story with a degree of adventure and fantasy in an appealing way for the younger reader but also for the adult who reads to a child. A little editing would only improve readability.

Keep On Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4775910

Review of The Vacation

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi, my name is Ned

and these are just my thoughts after reading your story

TITLE: The title is very good. It is both descriptive and misleading. We cannot imagine what awaits Celeste - who is enjoying her vacation very much, for a little while at least.

PLOT: The plot line is complex enough to keep the reader interested. Somehow, the reader is also a bit wary, but willing to go along with Celeste in ignoring the nagging voice of her father’s warnings about safety and trusting the wrong sort of people. We resist the “too good to be true” thoughts when Philippe seems to gain her trust (and ours) over a period of time. The unveiling of his real motives is not entirely unexpected but we don’t get to see it until we have grudgingly accepted that it’s just a love story.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The author did a good job of weaving the back story of Celeste into the current action of the story. Celeste begins with an air of idealized romanticism regarding Paris and travel in general, then an idealized view of Philippe, until she is faced with a very unpleasant reality.

FAVORITE PART or LINE: “He kissed the back of her hand. It’s true what they say about Frenchmen.. This line tells us a lot about how Celeste is being charmed by Philippe and how he was able to fool her.

READABILITY-GRAMMAR-PUNCTUATION: No problems that I saw.

SUGGESTIONS: None.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: This was a very readable, engaging piece of fiction. You managed to build a story with a degree of adventure, a bit of romance, some personal soul searching and add a surprise, twist ending. Always listen to your father!

Keep On Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4775799

Review of Lucky For You.

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I am reviewing your poem "Lucky For You."

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: The poem ends on a dark note but it doesn’t start that way. We are invited into the relationship and see how it progresses. The implication is that one partner is very supportive of the other and wishes to convey to the other how “lucky” they are to have someone who is always there. Until they’re not. The impression is that the supportive partner feels taken for granted and the relationship breaks down after a fight.. In the end, they become disentangled, papers are signed - so I am guessing divorce - and the “lucky” partner dies.

VOICE/TONE: The poem starts with expressions of love and ends with regret. Was the fight really important enough to separate over? Three years later and there is only loneliness and regret. The concept of standing over the remains could be taken in more than one way but I think this is meant to indicate that the living partner is at the gravesite of the deceased partner and not something more sinister.

FORM: The poem is in free verse, but uses the repetition of the phrase “lucky for you” to give it a bit of rhythm and structure. .

FINAL THOUGHTS The poem reminds us not to take each other or relationships for granted. We could lose more than we think.

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4775607

Review of Promptly Poetry

for entry "Pumpkin Rebel"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I am reviewing your poem Pumpkin Rebel. Please keep in mind that ALL of the views expressed are purely my own, any suggestions are meant to be helpful, but you are entitled to reject any and all of my opinions. I hope you find something helpful or encouraging.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: As someone who sometimes lets economic considerations convince me to think about Florida, it is exactly what you express in your poem that keeps me in New England. I don’t think I could be happy far from the leaves and pumpkins and all the atmosphere your shop owner tries to recreate.

VOICE/TONE: There is a lot of wishful thinking here, some dissatisfaction with the fake fall decorations as the author expresses a kind of feeling of being cheated out of a real autumn experience.
Some of the descriptions are really evocative and spot on, such as “ lines of bristly palm trees like giant ungainly vegetables”. Wonderful.

FORM: The poem is in free verse, which gives it a kind of stream of consciousness feel as we stroll along with the poet and take in the sights, as we look for some real sense of the changing season that would be so noticeable in another climate region. In some places, this makes it seem more like prose than poetry, but that’s all in the eyes of the reader, I think.

FINAL THOUGHTS Again, I felt it all so strongly that I think it will make me feel better about living in Massachusetts, even when winter gets here. But if it makes you feel any better, the stores here are full of fake leaves and ceramic pumpkins, too. In the end, they’re much neater than the real thing, they don’t rot and you can put them away for next year. This was a nice and unique take on the prompt!

KEEP ON WRITING!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4775095

Review of Scritch

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, my name is Ned

and these are just my thoughts after reading your story

TITLE: The title is cute and different, It makes one curious enough to read, and turns out to be the perfect title (even if it’s not a real word

).

PLOT: The plot line is clever, we don’t really know what is going on as these characters argue over the existence and meaning of the word “scritchy” while the main question of the noise gets pushed aside until it is heard again. Then, we can only imagine where the story might take us. Is it an intruder? a wild animal? a monster? In the end, it is all alright and we can laugh at the conclusion to the story.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The author did a great job of not letting on who the main characters really were until the very end when it was an amusing surprise reveal. Their dialogue was realistic and well-written.

FAVORITE PART or LINE: “Well, maybe it was a family word, I’ve heard it a zillion times!” “So, your family made it up!” he said, loudly. Coming from a family that had a lot of words that seemed to exist only among family members, this rang true to me personally.

READABILITY-GRAMMAR-PUNCTUATION: No problems that I saw.

SUGGESTIONS: None.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: This was a very amusing flash fiction. You managed to build a story with both comedy and tension with a surprise, twist ending.

Keep On Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4774262

Review of Day 12 - 2.7.13

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I found your poem on Read and Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: The poem strikes at the reader’s most vulnerable spot - memory. The memory of people and places from our past, those lost to time, brought back in a box of old photos. I immediately thought about being a child and going through my mother’s photo albums -- black & white photos of people she once knew as well as photos of all of us as babies and I suddenly had a yearning to look through them all again, bring those people back to life if only for a few moments.

Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter : This poem is in free verse. This allows the poet to bring out the impact of the event in the texture and structure of the lines, unburdened by the need for rhyme, but also to choose the words best suited to express the author’s emotions.

Artistic Voice and Imagery: The image of someone bringing their past to life and those they loved to life again through photos is beautifully rendered. They never really went anywhere at all. I loved that insight.

Thank you for sharing your poem. It moved me today. Write On!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4774244

Review of Open

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

I found your poem on Read and Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: The poem is all emotional impact. We leave whatever warm, comfortable circumstances we are in and the first line throws us into a cold, steely scene and situation over which we have no control.

Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter : This poem is in free verse. The mood and tone of the poem would not work as well with a rhyme scheme, the free verse allows for the descriptions and emotions to be the highlight of the lines.

Artistic Voice and Imagery: The poem is full of feelings of fear and helplessness. The line about “ instruments of reconstruction that looked like the opposite” tells the reader that this is a necessary and possibly life-saving surgery, but that it requires some very invasive procedures. This patient is experiencing all the natural hesitation and fear, feeling the unfairness and “curse” of needing this medical intervention. I love the line: “Now I search for my emotions yet still no trace”. I know two people who have had open heart surgery, this is not uncommon. It will get better, though.

Suggestions: I would never be so bold as to suggest how another person should express such personal emotions or experiences.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I wish you the best future and good health. Write On!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4774220

Review of Promptly 4 and 5

for entry "Day"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I found your poem on PROMPTLY POETRY. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: The poem follows the cycle of morning back to night. The reader is awakened and brought along “as the day unfolds”. The poet describes this process in ways that put the reader in the scene, feeling the changes in the sun, heat, light and activity as the day progresses.

Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter : This poem is in free verse. The lines are written and arranged for impact and to highlight important themes. This works very well to establish the mood and tone of the poem.

Artistic Voice and Imagery: The poem is chock full of delicious descriptions of everyday things - the “diamond dew” on a spider’s web, the image of time holding its breath at noon, the night hiding "cool" in the soil. Wonderful. My absolute favorite image is the ants performing “secret manoeuvres” underground.

Suggestions: None. It was a lovely read.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773801

Review of Torn Away From My Mother

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I found your poem on Read and Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: This is a powerful poem of grief and indescribable loss. The emotional impact on the reader is great; greatest, I imagine on the reader who has suffered a similar loss. The poem describes the feelings of an incurable loneliness as expressed in the line “My mirror hasn’t smiled since you left” . This is a great line, btw, and it brings with it not just the sadness but the feelings of disconnection of suffering a life-altering loss.

Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter : There is rhyme throughout except for two lines. I think the impact of the rhymes could be maximized by formatting the line structure, that is, each line could be broken into two lines. This would help the reader to feel the rhythm of the poem.

Artistic Voice and Imagery: The poem is written from a place of pain, it is a vehicle to express that pain and a lament that the one the author wishes to confide in is now gone. The lines “...no bridge for my hopes. All my love and laughter hanging from the ropes” express the bleakness the author sees for the future without her mother’s guiding hand, without the love and laughter that she brought to the author’s life.

Suggestions: As mentioned above, I would split the lines and make this poem two stanzas of four lines each, The mirror line and the one that follows do not rhyme. The mirror line is strong and could really stand on its own. My own preferences for formatting would be those suggestions as well as a slightly larger and darker font just to make it easier to read on the computer screen.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4773242

Review of Promptly 4 and 5

for entry "Celebration"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi, my name is Ned

and this review is based on my personal impressions and opinions. Feel free to take what you think is useful, and ignore the rest. This is just my way of letting the author know how this reader reacted to the item being reviewed.

TITLE: The title works very well. It fits the mood of the poem, which seems to be a slightly inebriated and wildly free adventure on the high seas of the internet.

FORM: This poem is written in free verse but the lines work well to give the reader a rhythm that propels him onward.

RHYTHM/RHYME: There is no rhyme scheme as this is free verse, but there are unexpected rhymes and the consistent alliteration that leave the reader thinking that he’s read a rhyming poem.

IMAGERY: The imagery is vivid and the mood of the poem raucous. It brings to life a jubilant pirate crew celebrating a successful raid.

FAVORITE LINE(S):
“roistering rum ration raised to the roof,
sozzled the scribes in sweet sentiment.”
Just delicious

SUGGESTIONS: I have none. I really enjoyed this poem. A brilliant take on the prompt.

Keep On Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4750060

Review of Taking the PPC4 - 52 Weeks of Poetry

for entry "Prompt 36 (1st April 2024)"

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

I was just checking my week 36 entry and chose a random one to read to make sure I had posted mine under the correct prompt. I was surprised and delighted to read your TIGERJADE. I love the mini-story/mini-mystery wrapped up in these lines. The rhymes were perfect for keeping the mood light while discussing something dark, so that the entire poem is bouncy despite being about kidnapping and/or murder. It's the kind of thing we made up rhymes or songs about when we were children, right? Singing silly songs about horrible happenings. Ah, the good old days of innocent (ha!) childhood. Anyway, didn't mean to do a review, but I did one anyway. Five Stars.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4710670

Review of My Place in Writing.

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, my name is Ned

TITLE: The title fits well, it is a neat way of describing the subject of the poem.

FORM: The poem is written in a series of seven couplets.

RHYTHM/RHYME: The rhythm feels even and steady and there are no awkward lines but all the lines and the rhymes flow well.

IMAGERY: This poem is all abut creating imagery as the purpose and joy of writing. The author is exploring the places and things one can experience in writing.

FAVORITE LINE(S): "As I write this poem, my place expands". This line really encapsulates the freedom involved in writing. WRiting allows the author to create his/her own place regardless of the actual place in reality the author inhabits. Writing creates new places and expands horizons. This is a very good line.

SUGGESTIONS: I don't disagree with your choice of genres except I think you missed an opportunity to choose "writing" as a genre. As writing is the subject you explore in this poem, I might exchange either "Community" or "Entertainment" for "writing".

OVERALL IMPRESSION: I could relate to this poem as it describes the process of writing as one of world-building and the blank page as the foundation upon which the writer builds that place that feels that it is created just for the author but in fact, spurs the imagination of the reader as well.

Nicely written.

Keep On Writing!

** Image ID #1578663 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4710419

Review of Lovesick Blues

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I could definitely hear the song, especially on the chorus.

This poem was a creative use of the prompt, applying the Lovesick Blues to a couple of dogs. In my head, I imagine it with a twang and and extended howling vowel on "blues" - something like "bloo-oo-oos". Sorry, but I have to make the tune up in my head.

The rhymes are all good and flow well. The little paws at the end is a nice touch

Suggestions: There are two lines where I felt the meter was lost and so a bit awkward. They don't need changing so much as rearranging, that is, just changing word order changes where the stressed syllables are and changes the rhythm. For example:

"Given was the account" sounds better to me as "Was the given account"

"And the payment was due" I might try something like "Payment coming due"

Now this is just my opinion which may be judged to be faulty. But I do the same on my own poetry when I read it aloud, sometimes the rhythm seems not quite there. I find a slight rearrangment of words often makes it sound more rhythmic.

Overall Impression: I found this poem/song to be a creative use of the prompt and very amusing. A subject matter most dog owners will relate to. This was a fun read, well done.

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4710322

Review of In The Beginning...

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I had to read this a few times to really, really sink into its many layers.

First thoughts: Isn't that just like a scientist? Doing something just because he can and he wants to see how it turns out? Curiosity and the cat come to mind.

Details I noticed even if you didn't mean them:

Rebekkah's name is Smithe, a social climber variation of the name "Smith" which originally indicated a profession. Rebekkah, the smith, creates the actual metal structure. Very nicely inserted detail many will miss.

Alex's surname is Lawson or perhaps "law's son"? Certainly, he was subject to laws - Murphy's Law, Time, and all the other laws of the universe.

Suggestion: The only suggestion I could make is that you add two more descriptive genres. "Other" is a terrible choice. Choose Comedy if you feel it's applicable. Is there one for irony or even "serves them right for being so smug"? I don't know them off by heart, but there must be some that fit well.

Overall Impression: I love the little twist at the end. I love the "oops" coming to mind just a little too late. I would have enjoyed the story for its creativity, imagination and the twisted ending but you added the names and made it even better.

Of course, if the universe goes according to plan, in another 13 billion years or so, Alex and Rebekkah will do it all over again. And again? It boggles the mind.

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#4710290

Review of To Paint The Green Grass Gold

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, my name is Ned

TITLE: The title is lovely and descriptive. While the image is not a part of the poem, it is perfect to illustrate the title and the poem's subject.

FORM: The poem is written in quatrains with an ending couplet.

RHYTHM/RHYME: The rhyme scheme is aabb and is used well throughout the poem. The rhymes flow well and lend a musical quality to the verses.

IMAGERY: Imagery is the strong suit of this poem. The image of green grass being turned gold by the falling leaves appeals to the senses and paints a vivid picture of the season in an unusual way.

FAVORITE LINE(S): "Gold leaves in her hair, Autumn stands there". This line personifies Autumn and matches the image exactly. I love the description of autumn as shaking the gold leaves from her hair.

SUGGESTIONS: I really love the poem as it is, but I think it might have been stronger if you had stayed with the original concept of autumn and describing autumn rather than a sudden rush into winter at the end. Both seasons hold so much beauty and magic.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: I really enjoyed this poem about autumn. The imagery was fresh and evocative about a subject that is a well-covered one in poetry.

Keep On Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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14 days may be credited.

#4710264

Review of Mick's brother [105] (289words)

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Is his brother Keith Richard? The twist at the end is one reason that I love flash fiction. This one made me smile at the end.

I enjoyed the inclusion of some standard horror story phrases such as "dark and stormy night". The author keeps it light and slightly comedic while creating the traditional vampire story setting.

Suggestions : only one suggestion and that is regarding genre. I have oft been advised to pay more attention to what I choose to categorize my writings as. But your choices are showing up as "other" x 3. I am on my phone so if for some reason these are not the genres you chose but it's some malfunction of the website on my phone browser, I apologize. But if "other other, other"was really what you chose, then I have to suggest that you change it to perhaps horror or comedy or fantasy...

Overall impression: this is an amusing vampire tale with a twist and a nice use of the prompt.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4710198

Review of A Change of Plans

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is a delightful holiday story full of magic and fantasy. Santa isn't up to making the Christmas Eve run, but his children are well-trained and step up to help. The story follows the prompt well in an imaginative way.

The descriptions of Santa's workshop/North Pole are well drawn and include some lovely imagery. There were some gems in describing emotions as well. I liked such phrases as "shimmered with nervous energy" and "worry skittered along her spine".

The run is successful and the future of Christmas secure as we now know who will be taking over when Santa retires.

Suggestion: There are a few incorrect words that would not be caught by a spellchecker - for instances "heals should be "heels", "descent" should be "dissent" and there is one place where "there" is used when "their" is meant. A good proofread should do to find and fix these errors.

Suggestion: This is a personal preference but I think a larger font would make the story easier to read. Small and close fonts often put the readers off and so good writing gets passed over and not read.

Suggestion:This is an error I usually make and that is not choosing the best genres to best categorize an item to make it easier for readers/reviewers to find. For instance, I have often been chastised for choosing "Contest entry" and "Other" is not a category people prioritize in searches. Choosing more appropriate genres will help your writing get seen. Try "fantasy" or "family" etc to add to "holiday".

Overall, a fun and imaginative story in response to the prompt.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4710186

Review of The note

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is a pretty heavy subject for flash fiction, but the author has managed to make it feel real to the reader.

As with all good flash fiction, we are led to believe and expect one plot line but are then served up a twist in the end. In this case, the twist is that the note the author is writing sounds very much like the trials and complaints of most working women and mothers - balancing work requirements with the kids' needs. In the end, we realize she is not apologizing for missing an evening with her husband, but writing out her regrets for all the time she missed with him due to not having prioritized the relationship.

Suggestion: I really have only one and it's so minor, it's hardly worth mentioning. In the fourth paragraph - "Yeah, you've heard me right" I would change to "Yeah, you heard me right". It's not a matter of grammar, it's an ear thing. The tone of the note is conversational, and intimate. You can hear her speaking when you read it, and to me, it would sound more natural without the contraction. But that's just a personal thing and others might hear it differently.

Overall Impression: This is a moving piece that reminds us that we never know the future and ought not to take others for granted. Regrets are terrible things to live with. Well crafted story, enjoyed the read and it made me think.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4709504

Review of Wrong Planet

Review by Ned

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I love flash fiction and science fiction, so this story jumped out at me in the "Read and Review" rotation.

I was anxious to find out what the top secret project was as we watched George and John work. I think it's a strength of the story that we are not told the nature of their project, nor their plans for using it too early, but rather we find out when they actually use it. I personally was surprised by the nature of the device when it was revealed.

The response of the alien planet lord was funny in his dismissive attitude towards the two travelers, but that might not have been their biggest failure.

The twist at the end is my favorite part of flash fiction and you did not disappoint. This story has a definite twist which leaves one of the main characters with a rather disturbing problem of missing feet that got left behind.

Suggestions:

1. The appearance of Tim remains unexplained in the story. He says they no longer need the secret project but he doesn't say why. I wondered about that even after I found out what the secret project was.

2.I expected the death star laser to kill them when it zapped them. It's not a big thing, but you might consider calling it another name like "transport beam" or something like that.

3. In the sentence: "Suddenly in burst Tim." I would add a comma after "suddenly".

Overall Impression: An amusing science fiction story with a twist that is well told in a tidy 300 words. I enjoyed reading this and the missing feet gave me a laugh.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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