Excellent description of early grief. When my wife died--it was no surprise because she'd been ill for some time--I, too, resented happiness and even ordinary daily life that would have not bothered me the day before.
I like your character's honesty about feelings, and to me the gun accurately symbolizes his indecision as to what to do. I didn't have a gun, but for a few weeks I had to decide if I wanted to live or die. The death of a person close to us is traumatic, but the death of a wife, if the marriage has been good, is beyond trauma; it rips a part of us away, never to return.
Kudos for your story. Very powrerful. I especially like the ending; what will he do when the peanut butter is gone?
A very intriguing story. Read all chapters and was drawn by the story. Seamus and Treasa are compelling and sympathetic. I want to know what happens next.
For what it's worth, I find you might have too many words. (I know, like Emperor Joseph II in Amadeus says to Mozart, "too many notes.") But, what I'm saying is that your incredible details get in the way. Every move, view, taste, smell, etc., of your main characters do not have to be described. It kept me from the story; I wanted to know what happened next. I wanted to be moved along.
Yes, writers have been told to describe, describe, describe--detail after detail--but one must decide if the details move the plot along. There are some poetic moments in your chapters, especially when Seamus is with the sheep and observing them and thinking about Treasa, and the walk to the well after he kills the soldier, but does that move the plot along?
To quote Mark Twain, which you probably already know, "choose a worthy subject, stick to that subject, and say what you have to say in as few words as possible." I find you needed to tighten a lot and keep the plot just barely ahead of the reader.
Because I love the Irish I find this a wonderful beginning of a great yarn. Please don't abandon it; I want to read more.
Cute take on the Errol Flynn movie re-make, and do I assume the dripping corpse is the ghost? Clever if so. Maybe a dripping Flynn?
Is there a new way to punctuate dialogue? The quotation followed by a capitalized "he" or "whatever"? The last sentence: "Yeah, they sure are a pain in the ass aren't they" The dripping corpse, agreed.
Seems it should be: "Yeah, they sure are a pain the ass, aren't they?" the dripping corpse agreed. Or, "agreed the dripping corpse."
Also, I was taught--erroneously so probably--that "said" is used almost exclusively in quotations.
"Said the dripping corpse" is better than having it agree. "Frigging agents!" is already said pegoritively, and the corpse"s response shows agreement without having to state it.
Finally, since the POV is that of our hero, who else could have said it? Why "He muttered"? Let the reader decide if he muttered because in this instance it doesn't matter. What matters, really, is the corpse's response.
This probably doesn't make sense. But, I loved Flynn and his swash-buckling roles, and Captain Blood is a favorite. Great send up.
You have done what I like to do: take an historic event and view it through different eyes. Mary is very clear as a character although I would like her described more. In fact, all the chracters could use more desciption. Peter probably would not have been bold enough, yet, to touch Mary. As you know Jesus was vilified by lots of people for just talking to women He didn't know.
But, I did enjoy the familiar story told from Mary's POV. Excellently written.
Your cancer analogy is good, but did you ever think that since human kind has millions, even billions, of opinions on who and what God is, that various religions, and denominations, are ways people have of expressing those opinions. None of us actually know; at best faith is a matter of hope, would you say?
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