This reminds me of the time when I went back packing out in the rocky mountains (Boy Scouts Philmont treck. Got to go twice!) Ever since then I have longed for the terrain, the beauty of the unique weather and the feel of the land.
This poem in so remarkably few words, brought back the joy of those places for me. Once more I long (as if I don't want them enough, stuck here in Florida with sand and the flattest land I have ever seen) for the rising peaks and beautiful skies.
Good job and a pox on you for causing more desire to 'torment' me.
I love the unique manner of this rather sensitive subject. Too many religeon/science debates delve into a world of slander and attack of one side over the other. I rather enjoyed the clinical and detatched method, showing how to debate this subject from the logical/scientific perspective. You turned this subject into a maths problem, breaking it down, showing us every step. And in the end, you simply say that with our current knowlege science cannot prove God's existance. You take niether side and that is possably the most refreshing part about this piece.
An interesting and enjoyable piece. I saw no grammer damage (more than likely due to me needing a grammer class), and I found her... er... obcession with chocolate a bit odd. Using the senses to describe the feelings, sensations and memories she recieved was a very clever and well produced tactic. But I would reccomend an edit to add in a reason why she does not loke the vanilla creame. All the rest produced some emotional responce, even the nougate, and were also explained in some way. The simple and overpowering dislike was something that felt out of place to me.
Other than that and perhaps a bit more of an idea of who this imperious woman might be, this is a wonderfull valentines teaser.
I enjoyed how you use known events, and add a bit of semi-religeous fare to them. And like you I agree, a creator of the [currently] Known Universe would doubtfully be interested in a tiny backwater planet that orbits a minor (at best) star. Perhaps this creator created the gods and godess' that we are familiar with. But we really can never know. However I am unclear as to what you mean by: 'No doubt exists in my mind that the less than noble part played by species homo sapiens will be a factor in the beginning of the end of all that is.' This is due to my personal opinion that humans will never be more than able to destroy ourselves. An interesting topic, and one (perhaps) best dicussed in a writing campfire upon this site.
A quirky little poem to be sure, cute and enjoyable with an ending I did not expect. It has a delightfully silly tone to it all while being serious in consequence. Bravo. This is a poem not for the squeemish or for the young, but enjoyable and quirky, I highly recooment it.
A very well done piece this. Though me being the detail prefering semi-image anal wirter I am, I wish you had a bit more of a description for Kiitz'zt than just a red and black mantis. Perhaps a bit of physical reasons for such a hive creature, long antenna and such. I loved the descriptions you gave for all else, especially the weaponry. I would simply like to 'see' Kiitz'zt a bit better.
A great poem to be sure, though the premise and the title do not seem to match. I can see how you could describe the tech age with the chocolate, but to me, you have more described a quaint scene and added extra meaning too it.It seems to me you put to much focus on the tech and the man, than you did chocolate in general. But I will admit to potentially not seeing it all, so as with all reviews, a grain or three of salt is nessisary.
An interesting piece, but I am unable to find the overriding question within it. It may be that the piece is too short to fully pull off what you are trying to say, or your style is one that I simply don't understand. But I do like the frase: (like a drop of ink that never curves a letter), a good look at potential unused. A good piece, albiet one that can be confusing.
A very interesting read. I enjoyed the sense of desperation that the place had, the descriptions of the people ex: He looked so tired. He was just as dry and old as the soil under him.
What a wonderfull way of looking at someone who has been tied to the land. Great descriptions and interesting characters. Though I personally feel the ending was a bit rushed.
A good story and one that I would love to see expanded on even further.
Interesting piece really. There is a great deal of truth that those who choose the best sounding words at the right time need to know. There is more to life than sugar coating things. There is more than what others want to hear. In the case of the poem the author added in an interesting amount of visual art to the verbal. Very well done, though it sounds like there is more than a small amount of bias to the piece. A very good read. Write on,
This story is off to a good start but a few things detracted from the whole experiance. A bit more description, information on the various revealed races. Slow down the pace as it is more than a little rushed, And try to show, not tell, things like how Shy is innocent and such. You are off to a good start and I would like to see more.
This is an interesting piece, a sort of snarky exasperation against 'The Man', so to speak. Personally I found it to be somwhat choppy the way the lines were broken up:
running and licking up the edges
of your house;
When I read that my mental voice skipped and paused for a moment, So I would look at possably seeing how you could go about smoothing it out. But, keep the starkness of it intact. If you can manage to do so without the choppy effect then this will be a great piece.
I enjoyed the cleverness of Knar, how he planed this out and how he kidnapped the blacksmith. But I (being the detail anal writer I am) kinda would like to see him stare at the town waiting for night fall as his blood screamed with the insults and wars of man and troll. Expand a bit tyo show how clever and conniving he is. Maybe he somehow seduced a woman to leave the gate open? How did they get into the town, was there no wall? Great start, a bit of content editing and things will go swimmingly.
Wonderfull, and simply delightfull. The confusion of a parent of any age trying to converse with a child under three is a challenge in any day and in any age. I have never been a parent, but reading this makes me feel like I have, for they always know what they are saying. We simply need to learn to listen. Very well done, I look forward to more from you.
If I had to sum this piece up in one word, it would be longing. But that word doesn't do it any justice. It is the longing for the companion, the love, the acceptance you tell yourself you cannot have. The longing of a single moment in your life that becomes everything for you. The longing of someone who cannot let go of what they cannot have. This is very good. This is a piece with a rarity in the writen word. A power past the pages, it is a requiem of the written word.
This is a wonderfull piece, and even as I write this I am still trying to figure out what it means to me. It seems to be a poem about amneisia and coming back into ones own past, or accepting the future and the unknown. Even if I do not directly understand the meaning, I love the piece. It's not nearly as dark and dreary as it seems really. Just an interesting, unique, and original way to look at the act of 'waking up' in its many forms and ways.
Wow. I was not expecting how this piece ended, or where it went. Startling, disturbing, invoking it was all of these and more. It was different and unique, the instructions given left me wondering what was going on just as much as it did for Janetta. The fact that the peoples 'race' were named but never described makes me want to know more about them. I would love to see this continued.
I was pleasently surprised within the first few sentances of your story. The uncommon descriptors used through out delighted me and kept the story fresh and interesting for me, kept me going and wanting to read more. Your use of short , few sentance, paragraphs helps to keep the quick nervouseness of the beginning pace viable and intriguing. The fact that you increased the length of the paragraphs during the slow sleepy early morning radio show shows a true skill in pacing and keeping the flow of the story fluid and adaptive. I wonder where you will go from here.
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