First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a terrific start to a story! The character is believable, and you chose a good setting for the beginning of the story. The story immediately captured my interest, and this is written in one of my favorite genres. This blurb has me anxious to see why Greg is having so many problems with the women in his life! I like your descriptive writing style, and I was able imagine the scene that you described. Great job!
My Suggestions: In the second paragraph, "corner" is spelled incorrectly. In the second sentence of that paragraph, when you're describing the liquid, I would put more emphasis on why he scowled. Perhaps you could describe it as "the burning liquid". In the fourth paragraph, "regretted" is spelled incorrectly. Also, in the story's description, you omitted the word "with" between "people" and "respect".
Overall: I enjoyed this little peek into the life of Greg Holiday, and I look forward to reading the completed story!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I needed a good laugh tonight, and you provided just that. VERY creative use of the prompt! I know how difficult it can be to tell a complete, coherent story in 300 words or less, and you made it seem effortless. The fast paced story captured my interest right away, and I was completely surprised by the ending and the way the prompt was used. Excellent job!
My Suggestions: The period after the second sentence should be changed to a question mark since it's asking a question. I would insert a comma after "station" in the third paragraph. In that same sentence, "aisles" is spelled incorrectly. In the next-to-last paragraph, since it's pretty obvious that Michael is the one talking, I would change the sentence to "Michael then realized..." I would also insert a space between the two sentences in that paragraph.
Overall: I really enjoyed reading this humorous story, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I loved this sweet little story! I think it would be perfect for young children. You tell a simple, easy to read tale about the budding friendship between a little duck and a kitten after the kitten helped the duck in its time of need. The ending was perfect when the friends were reunited. Terrific job!
My Suggestions: I suggest changing the comma after "Shyann" to a period in the first sentence and starting a new sentence with "She was a sweet..." In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "day". In the second paragraph, first sentence, I would insert a comma after "barn". I think you use "the kitten" too much in the last paragraph. I would suggest giving the kitten a name in a previous part of the story so you could refer to it by name sometimes.
Overall: This was an excellent children's story that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a thought provoking piece in which you make some VERY good points. I don't know that anyone could read this and not agree with at least some of what you said. You chose an interesting topic and gave thorough opinions on the same with valid points to back them up. Great job!
My Suggestions: The second sentence of the second paragraph should end with a question mark instead of a period. Later in that sentence, I would set "after some time" off with commas. In the last sentence of that paragraph, "wrong and do so" should be "wrong to do so". In the third paragraph, second sentence, I would insert a comma after "likely". In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "1970's". In the first sentence of the last paragraph, the word "of" should be omitted. I would set "though" off with commas in the next sentence, and I would set "in matters personal and private" off with commas in the next sentence.
Overall: I enjoyed reading about your opinion on this topic, and I look forward to checking out more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is an interesting story. Your descriptive writing style made me hold my breath in anticipation of what would happen with the deer. You chose an interesting topic and held interest of the reader throughout. I am not a hunter, but you helped me to see why hunters find killing a deer so rewarding. I particularly like the way you ended the story on a humorous note. Good job!
My Suggestions: In the first sentence, "It's" should be "Its" since you're not trying to say "It is". The second sentence is a sentence fragment. I would suggest adding a verb to make this a complete sentence. I would omit the comma after "felt" in the third sentence and change "it's" to "its" for the same reason previously stated. The last sentence of the first paragraph is also a sentence fragment. I would suggest incorporating it into the previous sentence. I would omit the semicolon in the second paragraph. In the second sentence of that paragraph, I would change "every one" to "everyone" and change "no ones" to "no one's" or "no one has" in that sentence. I would also suggest writing "male stag" with no capitalization, since it isn't a proper noun.
Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I loved this little humorous poem. You adequately described what would be considered a disastrous day for a child. It took me back to the days when a snow day off school seemed to make everything better. I particularly like the way you made the last word of every line rhyme. Great job!
My Suggestions: Despite my best efforts, the only suggestion I can come up with is to consider omitting the word "day" from the second line. The rest of the poem makes it obvious that you are talking about one particular day, and I think its use in that line is superfluous. I saw no grammatical, mechanical or typographic errors.
Overall: Terrific poem! I look forward to reading more of your work.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This was short and to the point, but it leaves a lasting impression. All too often, people are so caught up in their worries and complaints, they forget to count their blessings. This piece reminds them to do so and urges them not to take their precious lives for granted. I particularly like your statement "someone who can only see the shadows casted by all the blessings..." Great job!
My Suggestions: In the second sentence, "just" is spelled incorrectly and "overconfident" is one word. Also, "guaranteed" is spelled incorrectly in that sentence. In the third sentence, "I" should be capitalized, and I would set "just like everyone else" off with commas. In the next sentence, I would change "Everyday" to "Every day". In the next sentence, "Its so sad..." should be "It's so sad..."
Overall: This is a good piece that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: This is a sweet little poem about a bird. Your descriptive writing made it easy to picture the bird as I was reading. The underlying story tells a tale of a dreary day made a little brighter by the colorful bird's song even though the tune is sad. The poem could be interpreted in a number of ways according to the mood of the reader. Great job!
My Suggestions: I am confused as to why the first and third lines rhyme in the first line of the poem, but throughout the rest of the poem, the second and fourth lines rhyme. I would suggest either changing it for fluidity or specifying at the end of the poem what type it is. In the fourth line, I would change "gloomiest" to "gloomy" to make the poem read more fluidly. In the last line of the poem, "birds" should be "bird's" since you're attempting to show possession. Likewise, in the title of the poem, "birds" should be "bird's".
Overall: This was a lovely poem, and I enjoyed the read. Thanks for listing it on the review request page!
My Thoughts: This is an excellent poem! You described the jester in such a way to make any reader relate to and appreciate him. The rhyme scheme you used was perfect, and the underlying story is wrought with emotion. Though I know relatively little about poetry, I know enough to see that this poem is excellent! I can easily see why the poem is graced with the ribbon.
My Suggestions: Despite my best efforts, the only suggestion I can make is to consider omitting the comma in the last line of the eighth verse after "them".
Overall: I really loved this poem, and I look forward to reading more. May you could teach me more about poetry.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I loved this short story. Your descriptive writing made it easy to imagine the sweet sounds of the piano that were coming from the apartment next door. I like the way you incorporated the older couple into the story. For some reason, until they kept referring to "son," I imagined that the narrator was female. I especially like the way the story ended. Good job!
My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would change the semicolon to a comma. In the second paragraph, I kept going over the sentence "Terror flowed through me like blood." Since blood is flowing through you regardless, I don't think that sentence is quite right. I would suggest changing it to something besides blood, but of course, that's just my preference. In the third paragraph, third sentence, I would insert a comma after "day".
Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed this read and look forward to checking out more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a good story that children are likely to love. Mr. Wolf and Mr. Rabbit are interesting characters, and the writing is very kid friendly. The plot is something that kids would surely be able to relate to, and the lesson taught by the story is valuable. Great job!
My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I would set "looking out of his window" off with commas. In the first sentence of the fifth paragraph, "than" should be "then". In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "taste". In the first sentence of the sixth paragraph, I would insert a comma after "ready". In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "sun". A few paragraphs later, I would set "looking at each other" off with commas. In the last paragraph, I would omit the words "Try to" from the first sentence.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this little story, and I look forward to checking out more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a good idea for a work that I'm sure many of us can relate to. You vividly describe the feelings of one in deep despair, questioning his own existence. Relating the feelings to being trapped is excellent, and you described it in such a way that the reader could actually 'feel' what you were expressing. Great job!
My Suggestions: I would move the comma in the first sentence from after "every" to after "movement". A little later, I would change "never again did you allow anyone..." to "never would you allow anyone..." In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I would change "Trapped are you" to "You are trapped". In the next sentence, "failures" is spelled incorrectly. In the middle of that paragraph, I would insert a period after "escape" and start a new sentence with "You cannot run..." In that same paragraph, "futilously" is not a word. In the last sentence of that paragraph, I would insert a comma after "try". In the last paragraph, "willing" is spelled incorrectly. So is "unfortunately". Finally "disappointment" and "exist" are spelled incorrectly.
Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a quick edit.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a thought provoking piece about the questions and uncertainties in life. You adequately depict the problems one faces when searching for truth as well as the knowledge gained while doing so. The fact that more questions arise with each answer is well stated and so true!
My Suggestions: In the second paragraph, "according" is spelled incorrectly. In the third paragraph, "require" should be "required". In the fifth paragraph, I would change "Why I got this life?" to "Why do I have this life?" In the next paragraph, "may be" should be "maybe". Next paragraph, "talking someone" should be "talking to someone". Next paragraph, every word ("Kung Fu Panda") should be capitalized in the movie title. Same paragraph, "which means its you who has to found real you." should be changed to "which means it's you who has to find the real you." Next paragraph, "than" should be "then". A few paragraphs later, I would change "you got to know that nice blood waves are flowing in your vain." to "you have to know that nice blood is flowing in your veins."
Overall: This is a good piece that would be even better after a quick edit.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: Very interesting venture into the brain of a writer. You provided excellent detail that I'm sure many us can relate to. I like your descriptive writing style, and I really enjoyed this piece!
My Suggestions: You refer to "the writer" throughout the piece, but you often go on to describe the writer as "them" or "they". I would suggest editing for consistence. Also, in the next-to-last sentence, "writers" should be "writer's".
Overall: This is a good piece that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to reading more.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a very thought provoking essay. You chose an interesting topic for the essay that most for which most readers can easily relate. You give some great examples and then follow with your thoughts on the matter. You also begin giving some adequate reasons for your opinion, but the essay ends prematurely.
My Suggestions: First of all, I would suggest completing the essay. You leave it rather open, not even adding punctuation at the end. There are several misspelled words in the essay. These words are as follows: glorious, deceived, personalities, and incessantly.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this informative essay and look forward to checking out more of your work.
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: You packed a lot of information in this short description. It looks as though your book will have a little something for everyone. The description was very interesting and informative, and it has me looking forward to reading the book. Good job!
My Suggestions: First of all, this would be much easier to read if you wouldn't capitalize the first letter of every word. Moving on to content: In the first sentence, "life" should be "lives" because you're speaking of more than one life. In the second sentence, "threw" should be "through". A comma should be inserted between "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". The word "at" should be omitted following "where it starts". "Weather" should be spelled "Whether".
Overall: This is a good description that would be much better after a quick edit.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I can see a sequel coming on...at least I hope there will be. I love stories about the supernatural, and this was a very good one. You created an interesting character as well as the perfect scene. Lady Hanna was a good addition to the story. Although it ended rather abruptly, as I said before, I hope there will be a second part.
My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "part" and another comma after "up" in the second sentence. "overreaching" is one word. In the second paragraph, "mistresses" should be "mistress's" because you're showing possession. There should be a comma after "chambers" in that sentence. In the next sentence, I would insert a comma after "growing". In the next sentence, there should be a comma after "Hanna". In the first sentence of the third paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "still". In the last sentence of that paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "moment" and another comma inserted after "power".
Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a quick edit. I look forward to seeing more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a great short story. You describe the character's turmoil well, thoroughly relating her feelings in few words. The poetic style in which you wrote this piece suits it well. Finally, I think the story ended perfectly. Great job!
My Suggestions: In the fifth sentence of the first paragraph, "reckon with" should be "reckoned with." In the forth paragraph, I would change "ground" to "floor" since the character is not outside. In that same paragraph, "disturb" should be "disturbed."
Overall: I really enjoyed this story and look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is an excellent idea for a story. You have provided adequate background and enough description to set a somewhat eerie scene. A relationship that begins with stalking cannot turn out well, and you have me anxious to find out what happens between Jill and Adam. Great job!
My Suggestions: I would omit "her" from the first sentence of the second paragraph, because the context of the sentence makes it obvious that it's her that's performing the action. In the second sentence "Adams" should be "Adam's." I would change "had seen" to "saw" and omit the comma in the first sentence of the third paragraph. In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, "had began" should be "had begun." In the sixth paragraph, "brothers" should be "brother's." "tyre" should be "tire". In the seventh paragraph, "Adams" should be "Adam's". In the twelfth paragraph, "hoped" should be "hopped".
Overall: I really enjoyed this short story and am looking forward to reading about Stage Two!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts and Suggestions: This is a nice story that evidences how much you love you girlfriend. Your love and desire for her really shine through in this piece. As I read, I wondered why she is no longer near you and you're only left to dream about her. It would be great if you would expand this piece to inform the reader of what led to this long distance relationship. Also, you dated the letter "January 24, 1863," yet you mentioned texting her. Since texting wasn't an option during that time period, I would suggest that you either change the date or change the reference to texting.
I would also suggest that you do a thorough edit to correct errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation in this story. There were a few instances where you didn't capitalize the first words of sentences. There were also some run-on sentences. For example, in the first sentence, you say, "It was one of those dreams, it was about her..." The sentence is currently a run-on sentence. It could be remedied by either separating it into two complete sentences - "It was one of those dreams. It was about her." I think it would sound better, however, to change it to "It was one of those dreams about her."
Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a complete edit.
My Thoughts: This is great idea for a horror story. The story is rather original, and you did a great job telling it with a limited amount of words. However, there wasn't enough character description to help me relate to Hannah. If you want to continue to limit the amount of words while providing more complete descriptions, I would suggest that you focus more on the character than the knife sharpening.
My Suggestions: First of all, in the description of the story, I would change "unexpectantly" to "unexpectedly." In the second paragraph, I would omit the comma after "lights." In the sixth paragraph, "The waitress said..." should be "the waitress asked..." In the ninth paragraph, I would insert a comma after "delicious."
Overall: I enjoyed reading this short story, and I look forward to seeing more of your work!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This is a good start to a story. You adequately introduced the main character, Avril, and gave enough information about her and her family to pique the reader's interest. Even though you have not yet addressed the story set forth in the description, you have given a great introduction to the characters and their background.
My Suggestions: In the first sentence, "set" should be "sat" since the rest of the story is in past tense. In the fifth sentence, "dads" should be "dad's". Next sentence, "hes" should be "he's". I would insert "was" between "hair" and "a". I would change "these days" to "those days". "glance" should be "glanced" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. Later in the story, "He knows what hes doing" should be "He knew what he was doing.
Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a quick edit.
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This poem adequately describes the consequences when one often acts on impulse. I'm sure that many of us can relate to at least one aspect of this poem. I like the style in which you wrote, and I think the poem flows smoothly. You picked an interesting topic and created a good poem. Great job!
My Suggestions: I would suggest changing "of" to "between" in the first line. In the third line, "your" should be changed to "you're". I would insert "of" after "most" in the sixth line. In the tenth line, I would insert the word "are" between "and" and "now".
Overall: I enjoyed reading this poem. I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the WDC community!
My Thoughts: Wow! You told a terrific story using less than one hundred words. After reading the first sentence, I thought, "Oh, she misses her boyfriend." Reading on, I realized I was half right. I'm a sucker for stories in the horror and thriller genres, and this one did not disappoint. I could easily imagine the horrid scene that you described. Great job! I would love to read a longer work that you created in this genre.
My Suggestions: Despite my best efforts, the only error I could find was that "refrigerator" is spelled incorrectly. The story is otherwise perfect.
Overall: Thank you for sharing this little flash of horror. I look forward to reading more!
My Thoughts: This is a good idea for a story. Even though the piece is rather short, it is full of emotion. The first person narrative that you chose works well with this piece. This would be something you could easily expand upon, telling about other instances in the character's life or even telling more about the character's experiences with Michael.
My Suggestions: Errors were rampant in this story. I'll address the first few lines to give you an idea. In the first sentence, a comma should be inserted after "life". A period should be inserted after "loner." "I never have..." should be "I have never had..." and a period should be inserted after the first instance of "friend" and "The only friend..." should be a separate sentence. "I'm" should be capitalized. A period should be inserted after "two jobs" and "I never see him" should be a separated sentence.
Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after a thorough edit. I would be glad to review again after you edit the story.
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