I really liked this piece and found it exceptionally well written. It flowed together nicely and kept me drawn in with the wordplay. The stanzas were well written; also, the rhymes fit well. Overall a good piece and very well written. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
I don't know what it is with you and your stories but they just are amazing and leave me for the most part awestruck.
"The fins were as big as divers use but they were like chains of silver."
That description right there, stuck with me for some reason. I loved it, it was a beautiful description of what he was seeing.
This was a great story. You're really an awesome writer
I like this, it's brutally honest and true. America has a broken system in so much. One can only pray something doesn't break too bad before it can be fixed in any sort of way.
took me longer than planned to get through this but wow, great story. You mentioned this was for a contest, you should have win hands down :) I seriously wish my stuff was this good. it feels like I am only starting to get my groove back a little. Though tonight I did try my hands on a contest entry for a story to. Was a horror slash comedy piece lol, check it out if you, as always your experience and knowledge are welcome.
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I like this poem, don't know how I missed it in your portfolio yet but now I know I got to read more of it. It's got a haunted tone that pulls the reader in with the imagery. I loved the last line, "Sir, thank you for the fairy tale." It was the perfect ending to it. It makes you look at all the women today working or forced into working in the sex trade. Very powerful piece!
Great short poem. Your defiantly a better writer than me. Your words just give so much imagery, and your vocabulary is far greater than mine. I killed most mine off I think since my high school days lol. As always loved reading this as I do all your work. It's perfect! Great stuff. Keep on writing my friend :)
Good poem. I like it. I have been trying to do a little of a story from the hospital so maybe expect something new soon. Well not new, I started it for a contest and I crashed my laptop without saving, got mad and never finished in time lol. Keep up the good work. I love reading your stuff.
Wow it seems Miss Henrietta has a pretty wild side to her I read that right. Maybe it might before my last sleep but I'm having a hard time getting that last stanza,
While sitting at her dining table,
Staring with unseeing eyes,
A dry encrusted crimson band
Adorns his neck, there by her hand.
Did she kill him? That's what I am gather but don't want to assume. I really enjoyed it thought even with that part.
Okay first great characters and I loved watching them evolve. The end really through me for a loop but it was a great way to go. Felt like a kind guy on death, sitting waiting to die and as the needles send those doses of the final drug are send into the body that little red phone in the walls, least in the movies. It rings with a stay of execution as the prisoner dies. That final phone call at the end of your story really reminded me of that but it was the imagary of your story kept right up to me till end. great story, keep writing :)
To me the minute you mentioned the worlds clown it became a horror story instantly. In the previous years I've done a reasonable piece of evaluating, generally of short story assortments. It's something that I appreciate and I believe it's an extremely helpful control for any individual who composes short stories. Not least, since it befits short fiction scholars to peruse a lot of short stories. And keeping in mind that it's acceptable to peruse just for the delight of the movement it can likewise once in a while merit add to characters mid story, This is some obviously great work. Hopefully within the net couple days I'll get a chance to read more of your stuff
I had this originally fairly great review here, or, so I thought, but I Messed up had cleared it, restart from scratch. Your blog is amazing, really well written compared to mine 20ish year already we been around eh? I still remember when I met you. We have some days. Your blog speaks to me greatly. It's like I can catch up on your life and not feel like I'm intruding. Keep writing, you already been an amazing author
Always have been a fan of poetry, It's one of my favorite genres to write. The style has a great flow It is both very descriptive expressive and shows deep emotions.
it speaks very well to the reader and you are able to grasp more and more from each stanza. My favorite part being.
"A distant murmur in a fervor of a panicked sound
I froze upright at the sight of a tornado inbound
No words to say nor prayer to pray left inside of me
Still breath I awaiting death by wind-whipped debris"
I'm not a grammar by far but i did find some simple stuff that should be double checked, like example in o pray left inside of me, it works better with inside minus the of. Still breath I'm awaiting . just small things, good poem though
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