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Review of Yenette  Open in new Window.
Review by podtastic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Cute! Thanks for sharing and keep up the sweet work!
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Review by podtastic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey shadowpup,

I want to explain my rating. I think the letter contains a lot of deep, raw emotions, which is wonderful, but there were a few things that I felt interrupted the flow. These are in no way critiques, simply my suggestions - I hope they help. I am not sure if this is true or not, but either way I do not intend to offend in any way and hope I am not doing so.

1. "Dear Dad" - based on the tone of the letter, I feel like perhaps "dad" is too close, too positive as an intro for the letter. It seems to need something more formal, its a concern, a complaint, a tragic reaching-out.
2. What's the POINT of the author? Yes, it does appear to be a complaint, and it seems to be wanting to tell the father what he's done wrong, perhaps in an effort to either teach him something/make him feel guilty/reconnect with the author. But often a powerful statement is a concise one that encapsulates a big point with one illuminating incident. Perhaps you could hone it down, find one big point that includes all the others. Do you WANT it to be a complaint? Then focus on those things. If its more of a reconnection, focus on that and use other points to support it. Right now the point is unclear
3. Great stuff with the connection to Matthew, the next generation, the pointing out that he needs to stop blaming the author for brain injuries, the connection between "safe haven" and what the author's home really was like. Its a powerful piece with many great, heartrending points that just need to come together in a more structured way.

Good luck!

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