My favourite part of this poem was that beautifully eloquent little phrase: "On midnight's cold breath". It sent chills down my spine! Again, the imagery was superbly rich.
I hope you go on to make a booklet out of these, it would be perfect for Halloween. :)
Awesome! By far your best yet! I like it because I think we can all relate to a fear of death, and the way you personify him as a lurking villain, anxious to claim us, is really effective at playing on that innate fear.
I liked the dark imagery, and the neat rhyme. I think the picture would have been more menacing if it were more specific, though: Death revealing something other than shadows, which are ambiguous. Instead, maybe he could reveal a truth about the meaning of life/death which we'd be afraid to realise.
If some-one gave me gift points I'd say thank you, but because actions speak louder than words I'd reward them by shrinking them to a few inches tall and dropping them in my favourite sneakers for a few weeks. That ought to even us up... although if they weren't satisfied I probably wouldn't even know, LOL.
Cool poll, although I'm suprised to see 'Real Life Giant' isn't winning.. Teen giants FTW! Haha.
Hmm, feedback. Well I obviously chose teen giant, on account of I am one. :) You should think about including gay/straight giants, that's an interesting choice.
I thought this was a wonderfully picturesque and satisfying piece of writing. From 'last nights fire' to 'the last green tomatoes', you really take us on an adventure through the year.
I'd love to read more poems like this - You can never have enough colour and life in your reading. Thanks for sharing!
This is such a beautiful and soothing piece. I loved the neat, easy-to-read little couplets and the glimmering images of warmth and intimacy the poem is filled with.
Soothing, sweet and poignant. You have a real gift for capturing the moment.
This is a beautiful and intimate poem. I loved the line: "You let me in your shame. / Tears are liquid diamonds." I thought it did a perfect job of illustrating that, happy or sad, the most fulfilling thing you can recieve from a partner is their raw honestly and trust; to be 'let in'.
I love that you managed to write about a subject like apathy with such dramatic and catching imagery!
I think this is an endlessly interesting subject to write about, and very eloquently written at that. Great imagery + Heart. You definitely have a gift.
I appreciate the inner struggle you're expressing here. We all wonder if there's something better waiting for us on the other side, and finding out early is a gamble.
Advice I give to a lot of poets is to try using less common phrases like 'shattered', 'sadness' and 'hate'. These words are used so often that they don't have as much effect on the readers as others would.
This was interesting to read, and I enjoyed all of the soothing images you placed throughout it: "flowers that perfume the air with their colourful petals", "green meadows, immense valleys".
I did feel that the messsages here were a little conflicting - One being that life is beautiful and joyeous and the other being that we'll never be able to enjoy it as much as God and winged creatures do.
I liked the way you kept those dark themes and images constant and then finished with the simple, calming phrase: "a large, lovely Bay".
In the way of criticism, I always recommend poets try to use less common phrases and words than 'dark night and 'evil soul' and 'I am lost'. These phrases tend to lose their meaning quickly as so many people use them.
As a writer, a painter and a lover I really appreciated this poem. It was beautifully, deliactely and lyrically written and the free verse structure gave it a nice sense of flow and adventure.
I thought "a single bloom falling / from garlanded hair" was a particularly vivid and heartfelt image.
This is a lovelt poem. I like the simple metaphor of the tattoo, and the way you chose a character who was covered in tattoos to introduce the religious theme of the poem - That was an unusual decision, which always makes for interesting reading.
The neat stanzas also made for easy reading. Thanks for sharing this.
Reading this made me wonder who the fallen angel was. Are you writing about a biblicla character or some-one you know? Because of the way you describe her I can sense affection in the writing, so I feel like it's a more personal poem.
It was interesting to read, and I liked the imagery. Thanks for sharing.
Even if this isn't a sonnet, I liked the simplicity of it and the way it's so personalised by the names of your children. I really got a sense of being content with where you are in your relationship, and i envy that.
Valerie's a lucky gal. Thanks for giving us a peek at this poem. :)
What I loved about this poem was all of the rich imagery. 'Morning's first kiss', 'black bears' and 'leapords' - I felt like the piece was full of life and connection to humanity.
I hope you are reconnected with that special person you lost. Thanks for sharing this.
Wow, this was quite an interesting topic, especially on a site where most of the poems you read are depressive and self-pitying. I'm not saying I favour either side, but it was interesting to read a poem that takes a totally different direction to most others.
My favourite thing about it was that you talk about victims in first person "We pray.. We fan the flames.." So it can't be read as an attack on another group of people but an in-depth an honest exploration.
The first time I read this poem, I read it literally, so I really got the image of suffocating in an environemt where you're doomed not to fit in. Then, when I got the metaphor and read it again, I was able to really appreciate the message.
Sometimes fitting in does seem hopeless, like you're constantly swimming against the tide. Atleast then you're inspired to write great poems like this one. :)
A beautiful piece of writing. I liked the slight sense of humour you injected: "Keats, Byron, or Shakepeare / Such lovely lines to steal." The whole poem was easy to relate to and sweetly put. Reminds me of the lyrics to "these words" by Natasha Bedingfield.
Thanks for sharing, and write on. :)
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