Very clearly illustrates the unfortunate situation many people find themselves in, but often aren't strong enough or honest enough to break from. Very well done. I enjoyed it.
I do so love the funky flow of this piece! I have felt the all to familiar tinge of gray to the darker parts of my life, and this exposition lends a nice eloquence to those dreary feelings we humans are wont to experience from time to time. I loved it, and Always keep it Write!
This is a very nice piece! Aside from a few grammatical hiccups ("I want fly", i assume, was meant to be "I want to fly"), And capitalizing the first word of the first section, I thought this was a nice little poem, and I greatly enjoyed reading it! Thanks again and keep it tight, keep it write!
I think you have a truly great main idea here, and all it's going to need is some more detail and fleshing out. The only real issues I had were some grammar and some vague sentences that didn't really go anywhere. Again, solid premise, and I fully believe you have the makings of a great story. Keep up the good work! Write on!
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