\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rbrianchase
Review Requests: OFF
6 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Brian Chase Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Gates!

Overall, this story/poem flows great. You use some fantastic descriptions; I have no trouble seeing what you're describing each step of the way.

You've got a very few spelling issues, "ly" when I think you meant "lie", and "poor" when I think you meant "pour", unless these were written as such for poetic effect. Regardless, none of them take anything away from your meaning.

I love your description of Noah as such a devout man. I wonder if he really was. I suppose we'll both find out for sure eventually. One of the great things about being a Christian is that I'm allowed to believe that I will eventually get to meet such amazing people- Noah, ABraham, Adam, Eve (I'm gonna slap her, I swear, [WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? {WHHACK!!}]).

But I digress.... I enjoy the forced pauses created by the spacing interupting your sentences. They forced me to think more about each stanza rather than rushing through to the next one- very creative.
2
2
Review by Brian Chase Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
You have definitely caught my interest in the story, and that's what you want a prologue to do. Interesting ending sentence, too. Leaves the reader thinking "wha...??" and wanting to know more.

Some spelling and punctuation points: "gaurd" needs to be "guard" in the first paragraph. Also, I'd put a dash or a comma after the word "guard". Need a comma after "lives" in the second paragraph. And "would'nt" in the second paragraph needs to be "wouldn't". Also, "diffrenially" needs to be "differently" in the last paragraph.

Finally, I'd note that at the very beginning, as well as through the body of the text, the sense is that the writer knows the intended reader rather well from past association, but the last sentence says "nice to meet you". It could confuse some of you readers, but I'll acknowledge you may have an intent there that may be developed further on.

Thanks for the read; I enjoyed it!
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rbrianchase