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for entry "Rosh Hashanah" Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "Rosh Hashanah" Open in new Window. for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.


Story and
     Creativity:
   

         First off, pieces like this have a home on WDC just because of the inherent nature of education. I thank you for an opportunity to learn about that which I have little knowledge.

I have nothing negative to say about your piece here. The only critiques I have are petty because when you present a piece well, all that’s left are those little things that take it a step further: the devil is in the detail. And I’ll go over a couple of those in the next section.

What you’ve done here is excellent. I personally would like to know more about the beliefs and stories from this faith. So please keep educating us, because it’s how we learn how to be there for each other. The point of this piece is far greater than grammar and technicalities.


Technical
     Aspects:
   

         The technical points I found are so small in comparison to what you’ve done, so keep that in your mind. The little stuff I’m talking about?

In the first point, it says, “Most Jewish Holiday follow…” when it there should be an “s” at the end of “holiday”…also, I’m not certain holiday needs to capitalized, but that could be just a simple difference in communication. So I’d research that just to be sure. And whatever decision you ultimately make and stand by, that’s the correct answer. “Holy Day” might be capitalized…now I’m sending both of us down the rabbit hole of research. You’re welcome. Ha HA!

         At the end of points 2, 3, and 4, there should be a period at the end of each paragraph. (See what I mean? Little things that are easy to miss and even easier to fix.)

         The writer in me appreciates learning, but I wanna see you put yourself into your next entry. You present information in a way that says you know what you’re doing, and I get that lists are difficult places to insert just little hints of yourself, but that’s where you learn to become really creative. What I mean is that if you are someone within this faith, I wanna feel the passion that called you to write this piece. And the weird thing is, I don’t have an example. Maybe I want you to loosen up just a tad…pretend we’re talking on the couch, and I have NO idea what you’re talking about me. Give your reader that feeling, and this piece will be unstoppable.


Summary:
   

         I love this piece, and I love that you wrote it! There’s nothing wrong with it, but there a couple of spots where it could be stronger. That’s amazing, that you’ve given yourself such a great start since no piece is ever truly finished. And especially with something so personal, even in a list, you’re allowed to put your own flavoring into it.

You clearly know what you’re doing, and you don’t need to stop that! Like I said, there’s definitely a place for this piece to teach those of us who don’t know. Thank you so much! I hope your day has rocked!


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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.


Story and
     Creativity:
   

         Okay, the story within this is amazing. The way you’ve managed to swirl it into itself…I don’t know how you do that, but it’s worth noting. Oh, with the self reflection and coming back to the same spot! Holy cow! I see what you you did there! That’s seriously been driving me crazy all day, how you did that. And I know it’s gotta be more than just that, so I applaud that. Using those similar “meh, I don’t wanna” moments as jumping-off points to circle back around to make the points that make the larger point.

Okay, it’s clear there are a lot of pieces at work, and you’ve put them together efficiently. I mean, the whole thing…moves, if that makes sense. Alive. And you know what you’re doing with the “behind-the-scenes” stuff, the work that creates the illusion of magic.

Basically, this story tells itself in a very cool way.


Technical
     Aspects:
   

         I know there are a lot of people who don’t use punctuation as an artistic statement, and I get that. I only point out punctuation here because you have it in the contractions. No judgement. Every piece is never done, technically. It’s supposed to grow, and yours will do that on its own. Also, punctuation teachers your reader how to hear the piece in your voice. I’m sure others will point this out, and I apologize, but at the same time…there’s not a whole lot to really judge because you captured your feelings succinctly. You did a great job. I can’t wait to see how time helps it age.


Summary:
   

         This was a really good piece to find, and I appreciate it. I’m in awe of how you used the piece to work for itself. I mean, that’s something almost inherent, right? I’ll still be thinking about it tomorrow. Bahahah! But you should be really proud of this poem and how you dominated it. I don’t have anything that I think would add to that time won’t take care of. And the punctuation…meh, it could be justified any way you wanna look at it, honestly. That’s just my opinion.

Thank you so much for this! Keep doing what you did here, playing with a more tangible idea (?!) of the piece to make it work on different levels. Brilliant. Thank you so much!


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Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Sorrow's foundation" Open in new Window. is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   

         Okay, first off, wow! You can tell a story like nobody’s business! You did such a good job in setting up your scene as a whole so that each paragraph tells a little part of the story on its own.

         Now, this point might seem nit-picky, and I’m sorry for that. At the same time, the best parts of the story are the details. Negative or positive, it’s up to how you see it. What I mean is this: You are an excellent writer. You have the talent. It’s sitting there in this piece and exposed to everyone who looks. You know the story you wanna tell, and you tell it well. For the most part, you’ve got the mechanics down, you know what you’re doing. I know for fact you can go a little deeper on the artistic side.

Okay, for instance, you start the story about the girl with Main Character in autumn in Colorado. I’m from Oklahoma, never been west of OKC. Now, am I ignorant in the ways of Colorado in the fall? You bet, and that falls on me. But in this opening would be a great moment to just drop in some descriptions about the leaves…I know they change at different times and in different ways across the country. How do they look in the autumn you see? Are they blowing lightly, a gently dance in the sun-backed cooling air? I mean, use your words, your voice, but what I’m saying is…you have every right to use colors and smells and textures to bring your vision to life even more.

What did MC’s mama serve? I’m thinking something hearty, like hamburger steaks and brown gravy, maybe some mac and cheese and mashed potatoes? I’m not suggesting, I’m honestly asking. These little details give a sharper sense of your story, your character, and who you are as a writer.

So, if anyone asks, I give you permission, should you need it, to take your paintbrush and put it to your writing. Those details will make your writing POP! And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this story or your writing. That’s not the case at all. I’m saying it’s evident you know how to write a story, that you have a natural talent begging to go the next level. And I know you can do it based on this piece. It’s gradual…the main thing is learning to stop your brain and see the art in the story you’re giving your fans.

         Excellent story as it is, though!


Technical
     Aspects:
   

         There are a few points where punctuation is a very small detail, but I won’t go into that so much in case you’ve made the artistic choice to write it this way. But even with the couple of weaknesses, I wasn’t taken from your story.

You do have a couple of lines I wanna applaud:

“…she kissed me!” This is one of the most necessary lines I’ve ever read in my life. Here’s why: As a gay guy, I have a distorted perception of most straight guys. Sometimes I forget they’re driven by the same general human things I’m driven by. It’s easy for me to forget those emotions are there, that they’re real for straight guys. This line makes me realize I’ve got it all wrong. The vulnerability you display here cannot be overstated. Brilliant.

“I might be fairly good at "Clue", but I sure didn't have one.” This line is truly clever. I laughed because I can relate. This is exactly what I was saying earlier about adding some flavorin’. Whether you’re the real life MC or he’s fictional, you showed a side that hinted you and MC have a sense of humor.

“Weighty stuff like, ‘I'm engaged.’” (I changed the quotes here to fit my example…within context of your story, you wrote them correctly) Okay, so this line shows your voice as a writer. I don’t know how hong you’ve been writing, but this line is strong and clear, an artistic choice that worked in your favor. The conversational way you use this fragment is natural in tone, and you nailed it.


Summary:
   

         With this excellent and strong foundation, you’ve allowed yourself a perfect opportunity to go back and really pull yourself from yourself. There are only a couple of weaknesses overall, but they don’t make a reader feel unwelcome. I think it’s your honesty that makes that happen. Or maybe it’s the hints of your voice.

         I do know you’ve got the goods, and they’re begging to be seen by your fans. What are you waiting for? Let go and blow the world away with what’s hidden just below! You are either better than you’re aware, or you’re not giving yourself enough credit. You are really good. You should definitely keep writing and finding yourself, because it seems you’re on the right path!


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Review of Ha ha!  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Ha ha!" Open in new Window. is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   

         Wow! This went dark in a hurry, and I love that! I mean! In just a few words, you brought this story to an almost Stephen King-like ending somewhere between the short story “Rage” and the end of The Dead Zone. This is maybe my favorite piece of yours so far. To take a current event so pertinent and so hurtful to so many people and wrench a real feeling that maybe hasn’t been felt by all, to use this as an outlet…brilliant. Really.


Technical
     Aspects:
   

         I only saw a couple of points of weakness in this story, but they are small points, easily fixed. In the second paragraph, third sentence: “…if he gave too shakes about…” should be two. And the fifth sentence (“It wouldn’t exactly be a murder that I killed him.”) reads a little muddled, though your point does come across. I mean, that’s all I could find here.


Summary:
   

         I needed this darkness, especially concerning this subject, and that makes me question some about my humanity. To me, that’s what an effective piece is supposed to do: we’re supposed to question ourselves and the world around us. Not only that, but the thought you put into the character switch…which side is good? Which is right? You twisted that so good. This is a refreshing and gritty piece, and in my personal life, I’ve been attracted to that kind of writing lately. However you did this, keep doing that! lol Such a great job, chica!


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Review of Dancing Sticks  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Dancing Sticks" Open in new Window. is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   

         This is superb. The way you massage a line until it’s crisp and sharp is enviable. And I think, for this piece especially, it works almost as background music to the music you’ve already written and performed here. It’s a really cool characteristic I don’t think can be learned. And you do it like it’s nothing. lol And your wordplay is brilliant. Great job!


Technical
     Aspects:
   

         I don’t really have any critiques because of how well you’ve written this. What I do have are positive notes, and as I mentioned before, your wordplay is so smart. “Precision counts, must count the notes…” was one that stood out, and “…the symbols race…” You have so many good points like that. And the way you melted together the lyrics with your poem is so creative and done perfectly.


Summary:
   

         This was musical to read in and of itself. Though it reads with ease, it’s evident so much research and work went into this piece, and the payoff is so worth your work. Not only that, if one missed the wordplay, it still proves to be a fun piece. I can’t imagine too many people having issues with this poem in any way. I mean, you’ve hit levels here, and you were able to cater to different audiences. Smart! This is, again, another home-run for you! Nice job!


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Review of Staleness Fix  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m a judge for "Sound & Vision Contest" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece "Staleness Fix" Open in new Window. is important.

Story and
     Creativity:
   

         You’ve definitely translated the feeling of the song, and the fact that you did it in only three stanzas…great job! You even managed to build a little suspense through the middle of the second stanza, and that’s really cool. There’s tension that needs to break, and you do that in the second half of the poem. Great job!


Technical
     Aspects:
   

         So the only real critique I have sounds nit-picky, and I’ll tell you the truth: it is nit-picky, but at this point, when you’ve written a strong piece, nit-picking is all that’s left. The punctuation in the last stanza feels a little off to me, but if this was your decision, I get it. I’m just pointing out what I know.

“I know what to do
I need rhythmic beats,
pulsing me through.
My staleness retreats”

I’d play with the punctuation here. Something like:

I know what to do;
I need rhythmic beats
pulsing me through.
My staleness retreats.

I only say this because punctuation is important for your reader to know how you read this in your head. I don’t care what anyone says, we have to teach our audience how to read our stories the way we hear them. I know there are some who refuse punctuation, and I get that, too. But the way you mastered the first two stanzas, I have no idea you can play with the third one and do it YOUR way. So I gotta say, awesome job here!


Summary:
   

         This piece is fun, and you did an amazing job with capturing the spirit of Santana. It reminds me of “Get Up Off of That Thing”, your poem does. It’s that same feeling, spontaneous and fun. Well-written, well-presented, you did a great job on this. Your talent is evident, natural, and this piece is refreshing. Ugh! Great job! You definitely need to keep writing because you’re good at it!


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Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "W.I.P. (should i scrap it or continue?) " Open in new Window. while doing research for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you how and why I feel your piece is important.

Story and
   Creativity:

         I see this is a WIP, and I don’t know where you are with the whole piece, but this is pretty cool for a WIP. If this is the first or second draft, your final revisions will make this brilliant. The imagery you created, the way you did it, there’s something inherent about it, and it’s good…this could be about the literal moments of being pulled into that deeper surgical sleep and waking up, or it could be a bigger metaphor. Either way, you’ve given yourself a great start to do some really awesome things with this piece.

4/5


Technical
   Aspects:

         There are several technical issues, but I’m not judging this as a final piece since it’s a WIP. There are a couple of things you probably already realize, such as the word “I” needs to be capitalized, and this formatting might could be a little better. Now, the latter comes with time and experience with using WDC, and I’ll never judge someone for what they don’t know. But I’m not gonna lie…these are the two biggest issues, and they aren’t really that big considering WIP.

3.5/5


Summary:

         My assessment is that you definitely need to keep doing this, keep writing and keep combing over this piece until it’s as perfect as you can make it…it’s so good, it deserves that much, honestly. You’re good enough from the start, apparently, that you should please keep writing. Welcome to WDC, and I hope your day has been awesome! If you ever have questions or need help, please don’t hesitate to reach out! It’s never a bother.

4/5


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Review of WITHOUT YOU  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rainbow Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "WITHOUT YOU" Open in new Window. while doing research for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you why and how I feel your piece is important.

Story and
   Creativity:          4.5

         I appreciate the story you’ve provided within this poem; it’s riddled with authenticity, and that’s a huge plus in writing. Ultimately, that’s how we as writers are able to focus in on what’s important. Also, your choice to not make every stanza an extreme opposite is commendable. It would be easy to fall into that sing-songy and boring “Life is fire; life is ice” crap. What you did do here is provide two points of time in each stanza as opposed to those extremes of feelings.


Technical
   Aspects:          3.5


         The novelty of the WITHOUT YOU and WITH YOU feels almost a little too repetitive, but that’s only because of the length of the poem, not because of anything you’ve done wrong. My suggestion would be to combine every second stanza into something like:

“ WITHOUT YOU,
I need an injection, and I can’t pay attention.
WITH YOU,
I felt a connection; I had ambition.”

         You’ve tackled this piece with honesty, and all it needs to make it shine is a quick polish.


Summary:          4.0


         As a member of the WDC LGBTQ+ community, I appreciate this piece, and I think it’s a necessary addition to the genre. I think you are a fresh addition to this site. I’ve actually checked out some of your other creations in your portfolio, and believe you’re more talented than you probably even realize. You’ve got the goods, now you gotta figure out how to take this talent and make it yours! I’m so excited for you and your journey here. If you ever need help I can give, you feel free to email, okay? You’re never gonna bother me, and you deserve the chance to learn everything you can from this site. Great job!



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Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I found your item "Love in Quarantine" Open in new Window. while doing research for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you why and how I feel your piece is important. Keep in mind, I’m a professional nothing, and these are just my opinions. I only wanna see your piece be as strong as you can make it, and you’re more than welcome to weigh my words against your heart to discover what might work!


Story and
   Creativity:

         So first of all, I’ve been a fan of yours for a while now. Your webpage here is amazing, and based on the way your activities run, you’re brilliant. So I’m coming to this piece with a little bias. This is a good story with beautiful moments of honesty…the fears at the end are valid, especially if the MC deals with social anxieties. It’s difficult and scary to open up, to be exposed and vulnerable in every way. And realizing when we’re being rude…we all go through that, and we learn from it. Well, some of us do. The story itself is good, and you did a great job showing humanity.


Technical
   Aspects:


         I’m more used to the way people from the United States structure stories, so this was a new format for me. I like the way you’ve written this. It’s conversational, like you’re talking to me instead of talking down to me. The way you showed the typos and then explained them was under the radar technically, and that’s something else you should be proud of.


Summary:


         So I really appreciate that you laid your characters on the line here, that they’re real and open and afraid yet…anxious and ready…you did an awesome job with this piece. I can’t wait to go through the rest of your port to find new things! Good job! Please keep writing and contributing because stories like this are more necessary than I think you realize. Excellent job!



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10
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Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)



Story and
   Creativity:

         Well, of course this is brilliant. This is exactly what you do, you live poetry. And you should. First off, every image you pose seems flowy and beautiful and easy, and I know this wasn’t easy at all. I know you love your levels, and you’ve done that here. Each smaller level, each scene is setting up for the next, and what you do is swirl these levels into each other to create a more substantial idea of “this is life”. We do what we do, like we’ve always done, and it won’t matter in the end, but…it will. See, I see what you’re doing! lol And on top of that, you’ve mixed what’s in your heart with that in your world, and because of that, you create this trust with the reader. As far as story, this is brilliant.


Technical
   Aspects:


         Yeah, I don’t have suggestions, but I can quote the whole thing line by line and explain why this is SO good! This is an excellent piece to study, I think, because this one requires the reader to see both trees and forest, and I can’t imagine how difficult that was to pull off. But the execution is great, seamless even.


Summary:


         This is an excellent poem! You give a vibe here of “Circle of Life” from The Lion King, except you’ve broken it down piece by piece to give a spicier flavor, to make the sentiment of the song more personified and relatable than it was without coming off as condescending. The execution of many balls in the air here is admirable. Perfect job!!



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11
Review of Wheel of Fortune  Open in new Window.
for entry "May 16, 2022" Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, {item:} for “I Write”.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         I appreciate your grace and sensitivity through this piece. I didn’t know where we were going, but your tone is set so that by the time we arrive at the destination, we’re ready for it. I’m also sorry that these events have occurred, that these are all storm clouds rolling in, a view of what could be. And your sensitivity and grace are needed in this world right now. Right. Now.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         I don’t think there’s any weakness to find here. If there is, the story you tell with your perceptions is strong enough to override any smaller issues of punctuation or grammar. This is excellent!


Summary:
 
 
         As a Capricorn, the serious artist in me bows to the emotion, the consideration, the questioning. My favorite stories, real and not, are those which are honest, written of the heart, not by it. This is a pleasure to read, one that brings up questions of status quo and the feelings therein, and I’m fortunate to have posted after yours. Thank you so much for sharing, and, please keep doing this.

 
 
 😊❤️🖋,
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         "Interview with LeeLoo" Open in new Window.
         "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
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12
12
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Night of the Full Worm Moon" Open in new Window. in association with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         This story is so bizarre, and I love it! The end is not where I thought we’d end up, and I’m glad for that: my ending wasn’t near as awesome. This is a cute story, and if anyone needs a reason to smile, this is one to read!


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         There are only a couple of weaker points, but it’s in the actual presentation. I know with another read-over, you’ll find some of what I’m about to say, but please keep in mind…you did a great job on this, I love it, and anything I can possibly add is only petty, for real. Not for the sake of being petty, but…there’s not much to critique here in the way of negativity. lol

“Dusty Dreams is lest exciting town”….
         ”Dusty Dreams is the least exciting town…”

“I turned toward it There crawling on the ground,…”
         ”I turned toward it. There, crawling on the ground,…”

That’s what I mean about my critiques being petty. I think these are fair points, but, honestly…the one line that stabbed me with actual laughter…

“It said, in a southern drawl, ‘Are you looking for night crawlers?’”
There’s nothing wrong with this…in fact, it makes me laugh because the absurdity is PERFECT! I imagine him with a little straw hat…ha HA! You made a real character with a purpose, and so, my little things about punctuation don’t matter so much.


Summary:
 
 
         Excellent! I needed this piece to help me realize how much I love absurdity, and how cool was this story? I don’t know where it could have come from, but I’m so glad your muse made you pen it. SO. CUTE! Thank you so much for sharing this! It made my day!

 
 
With 😊, ❤️, and 🖋,
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13
13
Review of Thanking the Gods  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Thanking the Gods" Open in new Window.. And, to be honest, I’m gonna judge this piece with a strong bias and love. Just sayin’.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Still biased, but even if I wasn’t, the story is so well-captured, that feeling of familiarity and relief when the whole shebang just…snaps into place. The word you used here, “happenstance,” happens to be in my favorite Broadway musical, Aida based on the blockbuster opera Aida by world-renown music-person, Verdi…and it reflects the emotion and theory behind questioning if happenstance even exists given the nature of a relationship. So, even without my bias (if I can), you’ve illustrated comfort and the idea that a soulmate can exist on multiple levels relative to the chemistry of give and take. Love it.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         I can’t find anything “wrong” or weak with this piece. Maybe it’s my lack of knowledge; probably it’s your experience. But there were a few words standing out for me, naturally highlighted in my brain. I feel like you know why more specifically, but these, I think, work together to nail your meaning, words like the aforementioned “happenstance”, “fate”, “intrinsic rainbows”, “An…other half”, and “crossed” and “parallel”. It may sound silly, and I may not be able to explain it accurately just yet, but I know there are a lot of pieces working together, thoughts, feelings, words…excellent!


Summary:
 
 
         This warms my heart and makes me wanna sing something from The Sound of Music while I twirl and twirl on a mountain top until I vomit. I’m trying to make you smile, but I’m also not being cute. I’m being serious. Don’t ever stop what you’re doing!!!

 
 
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14
Review of Autumnal Musing  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Autumnal Musing" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         As is everything that spews forth from your keyboard, this is wonderful! From the background that pops until the tree comes into focus to the music and the dance…you’ve done a really great job here with the story and imagery. I’ve spent enough time in nature that I know this tree, I’ve danced along to this music while Reggie the Muse waves his hands in the air like he just don’t care. I can smell the air. I’m with this tree.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Aaaaaaaaaand again, I can’t find anything “wrong” or that I would change in this piece. Your expertise and professionalism shine through, and the artistic choices you’ve made are perfect and confuse me on how you make this work the way you do. You truly are a magician, ma’am.


Summary:
 
 
         This piece is beautiful, easy to be a part of. And it’s easy to long for, to see and want to feel. “…as the sun tinges the sky with autumn’s glow” is just one of several parts that just…ring with the music you’ve described. Don’t ever stop what you’re doing…the world needs your imagination and descriptions, and there are those of us who are learning so much from what you create. You will never know how awesome you are!!

 
 
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15
15
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, {item:}.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Okay, so I know you’re quite a bit younger than myself, and, to be honest, I expected this story to read that way. It did not, not even a little bit. Excellent job on that, first of all. But this was nothing like I expected, and that’s on me. I’m certain someone somewhere has done this type of story since it’s so difficult to come upwith anything really original, but I’ve never seen it. Yours is the first for me, and I’m not gonna lie, I love it!f The idea of just little snippets of conversation…it’s like when you’re driving or riding by someone’s house, and they have their front window wide open and lit up…it’s just human nature to peer in, to see what they’re celebrating or fighting about…and you made me feel the same with this story…I had a non-member of WDC who is a few years older than my 40 read this story, and he laughed the whole way. You nailed the story with the stories. And the brilliant thing you did here, you could take any one of these snippets and carry on with a fuller story if you wanted…you set up your own future premises. Brilliant.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         I only found a couple of mistakes, but, honestly, they aren’t big or serious. In the second conversation, where you write “There was a SLAM, then a man screamed…” Slam maybe should be italicized with an exclamation point, no caps…”There was a slam!, then a man screamed…” Maybe in the next conversation, that rule still applies, onomatopoeia, but, even here, I know I’m just reaching. This is a really well-presented piece, and any issues are so small, they don’t take away from the story. Excellent job!


Summary:
 
 
         This was a pleasure to read, and I’m so glad I stumbled upon it. I’m officially a fan and will be checking out more from your port. And, I don’t know your age, but it doesn’t matter…you tell a good story. If this is how you write now, you should definitely keep wriiting…it seems as if you’ve got it in you, and it would be a disservice to all if you didn’t create every now and then, at least. Anyway, thank you for this piece, and I hope your day rocks!

 
 
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16
16
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Writer's Dilemma " Open in new Window. in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         You’ve captured that elusive and bossy muse right here. After the fightiest fight I’ve ever had with a muse concerning a recent vignette I wrote, I’ve come to the conclusion that any power I have as a writer comes from the muse. And I love thta final line about how we “feed on their brilliance, swimming or flailing in their wake just keeping our head above water lest we not drown in words.” It’s somehow scary and comforting at the same time that we are at the mercy of the muse.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Please, this is perfectly written. At this point, I know my reviews for you aren’t helpful so much as far as making your writing better, but when it comes to you, I do reviews so you know you’re on to something. And this is the case here again. Surprise, you nailed it. lol


Summary:
 
 
         I love this piece! I love it when you describe the muse and its process. I don’t feel so alone on this path when I read your words. And this one is one of my favorites. And I love how you were able to capture the idea that the muse lives on “feast or famine”, nothing in between. Or at least mine doesn’t. Ahem. I get that’s the point. lol Another piece well-rooted in excellence and crafting. I am such a fan of yours.

 
 
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17
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "The Big Book of Obscure Minor Blessings." Open in new Window. in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         You blow me away with your works to the point I will read everything you ever post. This piece is hilarious, along the same lines as Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, and I didn’t realize how much I needed this piece. From the first line when you named the character, it’s clear this story requires a brain and a sense of humor, and you did not disappoint since I brought both. Do you know you’re brilliant?


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. I found one typo (third paragraph down, “it’s” should be “its”), but I’m not counting that…my iPad changes the two without my consent all the time. Outside of that, I can’t find anything “wrong”…this piece goes beyond that and gives me everything that’s right. I laughed so hard on the paragraph about socks, especially the last line…you nailed that comedic tone through writing, the timing is perfect…I’m calling it perfect.


Summary:
 
 
         I’m a fan of yours, and I think you’re one that most people should fan. The thought and work you’ve put into this piece shows, right down to the line about “there’s no accounting for taste”. On a selfish level, I hope you’re around here for a long time, and that you create to your heart’s satisfaction.

 
 
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18
18
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, {item:} in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Bahahah! I love this so much! I’m already singing this song in my head! I hope you and your dad have as much fun making these as they are to hear!


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Brilliant. There's something thrilling about hearing a story told the way your father tells them. He could be reading the mail, and I would still throw five-star reviews at you.


Summary:
 
 
         Here in the States, we’re usually shown the worst parts of the world, including “Slumdog Millionaire”, we hear about how horrible the Ganges is with pollution, and we just picture crowded cities, dusty and sick. But that’s not the image you paint at all, and because of this, because of you, I’ve been researching India…we in the U.S. have no idea what we’re missing. To be part of a culture that came from an original civilization, be be surrounded by the beautiful environment indiginous to the area…the culture, the spirituality…the life…it’s easy to see why you guys are proud of your land, and you should be proud. You are an amazing people, and I’m thankful that our paths crossed, that you’ve shown me a more realistic and beautiful side. I’m completely taken, and these stories just fuel my interest and curiosity. Excellent!

 
 
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19
19
Review of The Keeper  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "The Keeper" Open in new Window. in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

*Party* Aaaaand…this is a review to celebrate Writing.Com's 21st Birthday with "All Grown Up" Open in new Window. *Party*
Happy birthday, WDC, and happy celebrations to you!

 
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         A couple of months ago, you and I had a conversation about who will want what once we’re gone…maybe this is the answer to that? Who cares about things when we really do mold those around us as they do us. And I love the idea of giving ourselves to the next generation to make of this life what they will. My long (and maybe forgotten point) is that this such a beautiful way to see people…to look at a photo or read a name written in a family Bible and realize they had a whole life, a bundle of experiences…a heart of love and hate and fear and hopes…even though my wording isn’t the most efficient here, I feel like you get what I’m saying. I love the story of this piece, and it punches me right in the heart.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Punctuation? Check. Well-presented execution? Check. I kinda feel bad when I do reviews of your pieces just because I can’t usually find any accidents or typos or mistakes. I swear I’m looking! (I have started using semicolons more now, I’ve noticed, so I’ve taken that away from your pieces…lol) In fact, people who don’t know how punctuation isused at all would benefit from simply reading your pieces. You’re so brilliant!


Summary:
 
 
         I love this. I love buying old Bibles from used bookstores, to see the notes other people wrote, to find what was important to them…I have one on my bookshelf that chronicles the moon landing and some of the space missions of the sixties and early seventies, and it is fascinating. This was someone’s life…someone’s story. I read this piece, and that’s what I think of, that feeling of being allowed a peek into someone life from the past. You…are…amazing!!! I love reviewing your pieces; you make it so easy. Thank you!

 
 
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20
20
Review of Laundry Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Laundry Day" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         Of course this is uh-mazing. The celebration of finding oneself, of beingoneself is captured here with such a joyous and freeing feeling underneath the words. From the first line of “Crawl outside yourself” is the perfect introduction to this piece, an acknowledgement that maybe the best way to find ourselves is to go outside and see us, celebrate ourselves…great piece!


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Your words are always awesome, especially when they complete an idea. So many good lines here…”drink of water’s shimmer”…”the poetry that rattles your soul”…”playing leapfrog with fireflies”…”grab your rumpled skin and wash it clean in river flow”…these all support what I took to be the idea, a graceful dance of words that are easy to read, easy to understand, and it leaves the reader with the feeling that we’re worth finding and loving.


Summary:
 
 
         Another slam-dunk. When I tell others about loyalty to a writer, this piece is why…I can guarantee, when I read your works, you uphold a high standard for yourself. I know I’m safe as a reader in your writery hands, that you’ll take me somplace real and fantasy at the same time. And you’re consistent, even as you learn and grow. Such a great piece!!

 
 
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21
21
Review of Moderation  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Moderation" Open in new Window. in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         I like the story here. The subject matter is succint, easy to understand. Good flow, nice details. I like pictures!


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Wow, this may be the weakest piece I’ve seen by you. There is no punctuation, but that’s a little fix. I would change “to use in my newsletter” to “To use in my newsletter:”


Summary:
 
 
         What a great piece! You state your intent, and then you followed through! Thanks for sharing!!

 
 
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22
22
Review of Midnight Spirit  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Midnight Spirit" Open in new Window. in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I see you’re newish to WDC…welcome! I hope this site presents itself as a helpful tool to grow your art as it seems to have done mine.
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         I understand this piece is in process, and I will review it based on what you have. The story is chilling when the reader realizes what’s happening and what it means on a personal level. If this is still undone, I can’t wait to see how it finishes, where it ends up.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Even though you may be a “newbie” to the site, it’s clear from your work that you’ve been writing on a serious level for a while. Your word choices are good, and you convey a feeling of creepiness that somehow jumps up in intensity when MC meets…MC. The only thing I can find that I would change is the part where MC dares to raise his concern. Instead of a set of quotes for the next line and then quotes for the next line, I would just put both lines in quotes…”What say you, daunting midnight spirit? Am I to believe that you are me?” But that’s simple, and again, I get this piece is under construction. With that in context, you did a great job with this piece. The punctuation is apt, it works to show the reader how to read the piece, the words are good…and you convey to me, a reader, emotions and feelings of being out alone at night to come across oneself. And the execution of this aspect was well-done.


Summary:
 
 
         Such a great piece! I’m so happy I came across it. If this is how you write, you definitely need to keep writing. Make sure you look around the site, become familiar with it, and if you need any help at all, please feel free to email me. Welcome to WDC!!

 
 
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23
23
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Memories of Gandhiji" Open in new Window. in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         I can’t lie, I’m so in love with these recordings. There’s an inherent magic that makes my heart jump with joy in learning. To hear you guys tell thse stories…I mean, I know these are great for you, to preserve these stories, but they’re a treat for those of us who get to hear and enjoy them.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Something about your father’s voice, the accent, the way he tells a story…it’s amazing. I can’t wait to learn how to do that with words in a written story, to make someone feel something. These are so cool!


Summary:
 
 
         Because of these pieces, because of your father, I have been doing research into India. What a wondrous and long-lived people! It’s difficult for us in the United States to really understand how long India has been around and the history it’s been through…out country is only 250 years old….yours is something like seven to eight thousand years old…and to be one of the original civilizations…you guys are too cool, and I’m so honored to have listened, to be able to learn about an ancient culture. And recording is a brilliant idea. I just love your contributions to this site and to the world of creativity. Such a great series!! Thank you!

 
 
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24
Review of Saying Goodbye  Open in new Window.
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
 Hi!! I’m Rhymer, and I’m here to review your piece, "Saying Goodbye" Open in new Window. in association with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..
 
 Story and Creativity:
 
 
         What do you get when you cross a beautiful life with emotions from helplessness? This poem. I don’t have any notes honestly…you can’t judge how someone struggles with understanding something deeper than we’re normally accustomed to…this is a sad subject, and your last. line, “You can’t say goodbye when no one is there” squeezes my heart.


Technical Aspects:
 
 
         Of course I have nothing here. Your works are always consistent. Thank you for using punctuation and showing others how to use it without hurting any kind of flow. In fact, I’d say the punctuation gives it that extra punch, to show a reader how this piece should be read. But that’s one of many aspects of your writing that’s consistent. I feel like any mistakes or accidents are just that, an unintentional typo…but again, none here.


Summary:
 
 
         You are one of the best writers on this site, in my opinion. Your subject matter is never shallow except when done in fun, and this piece substantiates that. I’m so excited you’re writing as much as you are. You’re on fire this year!! And even though this is a difficult subject, it’s a strong piece. Excellent!!

 
 
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25
25
Review by Rhymer Reisen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I’m writing as I’m listening…I love this. It touches something in me I needed, a break in cultural differences. There is such an energy transferred from the two of you to the listener that causes my heart to feel as if it was exploding. I’m so thankful you did these, so honored to have listened. To hear a piece from another culture in the language, in the accent…one of the most beautiful pieces to touch my heart. Thank you so much!!
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