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58 Public Reviews Given
60 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
To me, one of the best ways to improve my writing is to review the work of others. Reviewing is the dues we pay to belong to the community. So, thank you for giving me the opportunity to help both of us. I applaud your willingness to step out and take some heat. I am not into frilly words and sugar coating rather I prefer communicating thoughts that I hope will help you (and me) improve our writing. I want to critique your story, not your ability to use basic grammar, spelling, and punctuation. You are not a high school student and I am not your tenth grade English teacher. With all the software tools available today, there should be minimal grammar, spelling, or punctuation mistakes in any manuscript, including the first revision. If you are sloppy, I will assume that you don’t care, and neither will I. Advice in advance: Always read your stories out loud. Your tongue will force your brain to slow down, allowing you to catch many mistakes that your eye would pass over.
I'm good at...
Dialogue. My writing requires a lot of dialogue. I have worked hard to learn how to do it well and I think I have succeeded. Reviewing dialogue represents a challenge that will help me get even better.
Favorite Genres
Looking at the list, there are some I don't know the meaning of. I hope I am broad-minded enough to tackle any genre.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance/Love, Woman's
Favorite Item Types
Prose, Articles, Essays, Fiction, Nonfiction
Least Favorite Item Types
Books -- sorry. Reviewing a book is a bigger task than I am willing to accept because I am writing one.
I will not review...
Poetry, Erotica *** Books -- sorry. Reviewing a book is a bigger task than I am willing to accept because I am writing one. *** If I read your item and feel I am not competent to review it, I will advise you and decline.
Public Reviews
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Review of Vixiana  
Review by flyfishercacher
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
“I Write In 2020” Review


Greetings, I am pleased to read your work as part of "I Write in 2020" , and offer here my comments and suggestions for your consideration.

Review of "Vixiana"  Title:Vixiana

*Check2* Overall Impression:
         -- A good short mystery story with an appropriate punch at the end.
*Check2* Plot:
         -- Add a few words of explanation after 'It's just some urban legend'
*Check2* Style and Voice:
         -- Comfortable. I like it.
*Check2* Scene/Setting:
         -- English villages and countryside well done.
         -- Possibly add one line about season/weather.
*Check2* Characters:
         -- I liked the contrast between woodsy Chester and urbane Sherie. Names fit too. Nicely done.
*Check2* Dialog:
         -- Paragraphing caused me some difficulty. In several places there was too much narrative stuffed in to the dialogue paragraph.
         -- You did a good job of avoiding speech tags.
*Check2* Grammar, Spelling, and Mechanics:
         -- I had to stop and look up the word 'tor'. A high craggy hill. Maybe that's just my lacking vocabulary, but it broke the rhythm of the story for me.
         -- Overuse of the term 'hun'
         -- I ran the story through 'Grammarly.' Many comments on placement of commas which I usually ignore because I don't agree.
         -- However, consider these changes:
                   -- night spots s/b nightspots
                   -- grave yard s/b graveyard
                   -- halloween s/b Halloween
                   -- mobile; no s/b mobile, no
*Check2* How did the writing make me feel? Did it invoke any emotions?
         --'tor' broke my concentration. I ignored it the first time, but the second time I stopped and pulled out the dictionary. Now I have a new word in my vocabulary. Thanks for that.
*Check2* Can I relate to the writing through a personal experience?
         -- Yes. I recently wrote a mystery piece happening in English villages and countryside
 
STATIC
Halloween at Stonehenge  (13+)
Three Antiquities students encounter the spirits at Stonehenge
#2209362 by flyfishercacher
.
*Check2* Did the plot interest me? Were the characters believable? Did the dialog flow naturally?
         -- Yes
*Check2* Did the time, place and other setting characteristics work together?
         -- Yes
*Check2* Is there anything I would change within the writing?
         -- More explanation (just a little) about the 'urban legend'
         -- A word or two about season/weather.
*Check2* Suggestions:
         -- Set dialogue apart with more paragraph breaks.
Thank you for sharing your story. Remember these are suggestions from one writer, not a super critic. Please keep writing!
27
27
Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hello Ruwth:

In your post, you asked for help and you said (in fine print at the bottom), "This is my attempt at a fictional story based on the gospel"

I'll give you my feelings for what they are worth:

1. This is NOT a "fictional story based on..." It IS the gospel. Substituting King for God, Prince for Jersus, and Evil Ruler for Satan is not enough of a coverup to make this work.

2. The writing is simple and unadorned, almost like a nursery rhyme intended for small children, but the story is too complex for small children. A small child could not grasp the idea of laying down your life and picking it up again. Therefore you are using language for children in a story for adults.

3. The scale of the life/death/purpose of Jesus is too big to be reduced to 300 words.

4. Even the gospel does not try to sell the idea that God and Jesus preconcieved this plot together as a team.

5. Christian love (God's love) is a worthy subject for this prompt. And there are plenty of examples to choose from.

6. To make it a fictional story, I recommend:
         a. Bring it down to earth
         b. Give the King, Prince, and Evil Ruler real names
         c. Give it a believable earthly setting. I suggest modern, like right now.
         d. Possibly do a take on one of the parables such as the Prodigal Son

7. P.S. Very last line -- "Love" not "Loves"

Best wishes. Keep at it.
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for entry "~ What makes me me? ~" 
Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thanks so much for entering the "I Write in 2020" contest. I have been debating whether to enter the Philosophical Musings contest with the February prompt. It's a tough one, congratulations on stepping up and giving it a shot.

Your piece certainly inspires thought and reflection fitting for the prompt. "How much are we shaped by biology, our environment, and devine purpose?"

I enjoyed your piece and hope to read more. Good luck in the contest.
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Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: E | (4.5)
“I Write In 2020” Review


Greetings, I am pleased to read your work as part of "I Write in 2020" , and offer here my comments and suggestions for your consideration.

Review of "The Flame Still Burns"  Title: The Flame Still Burns

*Check2* Overall Impression:
         --Thanks for some prose to review, something more than 24 syllables.
         --This is a great little story, told succinctly in 522 words.
*Check2* Plot:
         --Unfolds nicely.
         --It grabbed my attention quickly, then left me feeling satisfied but with a question at the end:
         --Was she really senile or just acting out a fantastic con job?
*Check2* Style and Voice:
         --Comfortable, easy to read. I like it.
*Check2* Scene/Setting:
         -- The first paragraph sets it up perfectly in just 54 words.
*Check2* Characters:
         --Amelia Fischer — disliked her at the beginning, loved her at the end.
         --Was she really senile or acting out a fantastic con job that lasted many years, using her acting skill to keep her sheltered and fed throughout her last years?
*Check2* Dialog:
         --Well done. Good use of action beats. No talking heads.
*Check2* Grammar, Spelling, and Mechanics:
         --Many purposeful misspellings to convey dialect.
         --Only one real spelling error: sacheed should be sashayed or sasheyed or chasséd
*Check2* How did the writing make me feel? Did it invoke any emotions?
         --Made me smile. Final feeling was "What a sly old chick."
         --I think meeting Amelia would be fun, then enjoy her company in measured well spaced doses.
*Check2* Did the plot interest me? Were the characters believable? Did the dialog flow naturally?
         --Yes
*Check2* Did the time, place and other setting characteristics work together?
         --Yes
*Check2* What I liked most? What I liked least? Did anything stand out?
         --Can't really point to a 'most' or 'least'. Nothing stood out which means the story was well put together.
*Check2* Is there anything I would change within the writing?
         --Possibly a little more physical description of Amelia if word count permits.
*Check2* Suggestions:
         --Use Amelia in more stories. A whole series of short humorous pieces about her encounters with the hotel staff — the maid, the desk clerk, the doorman, the waiter.
Thank you for sharing your story. Please keep writing!


 
Renaissance Man - Part 1  [13+]
Story of Torey Campbell, Part 1. Beginning through First Plot Point. Work in progress.
by flyfishercacher



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "January 27, 2020" 
Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
"Write a poem with exactly 24 syllables" What a challenge!
Then have it reviewed by a dolt like me who knows nothing about the craft of writing poetry.
I'm sorry, but such is the luck of the draw in this contest.

24 Syllables is a contest that seems to attract a lot of attention, so I checked it out trying to become better informed on the subject.

I see the prompt word is "forgetful" I read Saint Murgan aloud several times, counting on my fingers as I went. By my count your pattern was 5/8/6/5. Did I get that right?

I am a Flyfisherman. One of our good wishes to our fishing buddies is "hope you catch a mermaid." I guess I can now say "hope you catch Saint Murgan"

Thanks for the opportunity to learn more about 24 syllables and Saint Murgan. Good luck.
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Review of Still the same  
Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: E | (4.5)
“I Write In 2020” Review


Greetings, I am pleased to read your work as part of "I Write in 2020" , and offer here my comments and suggestions for your consideration.

Review of "Still the same"  Title: Still The Same

*Check2* What I liked:
         -- The raising then dashing of hope. Hate to see that in real life, but works well in a story.
*Check2* Overall Impression:
         -- I have participated in the Flash Fiction Challenge. It is very hard to meet all of the requirements in just 300 words (and in one day). You did it well.
*Check2* Plot:
         -- I had to read it twice to clarify that she was just home for her first visit. Did I get that right? Maybe some rephrasing would clarify.
*Check2* Style and Voice:
         -- Good first-person storytelling.
*Check2* Scene/Setting:
         -- Unclear. I think she was home for her first visit and went to her bedroom to do drugs. Did I get that right?
*Check2* Characters:
         -- Three clearly identified with elaboration on only one. Well done.
*Check2* Dialog:
         -- A one line punch in the face — terrific!
*Check2* Grammar, Spelling, and Mechanics:
         -- No errors noted. Careful editing is appreciated.
*Check2* Suggestions:
         -- My thoughts above would lead to more words. I know you have a word limit and a time limit. Maybe they will help in a future version of the story.
Thank you for sharing your story. Please keep writing!
32
32
Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: E | (3.5)
“I Write In 2020” Review


Greetings, I am reading your work as part of "I Write in 2020" , and offer here my comments and suggestions for your consideration.

Review of "Their Most Important Decision"  Title:Their Most Important Decision

*Check2* Overall Impression:
         -- A good story which provides a lot of opportunity to practice writing techniques
*Check2* Plot:
         -- For "Twisted Tales" there was no twist or surprise ending.
         -- Needs more conflict. Maybe tougher time with agency personnel
*Check2* Style and Voice:
         -- Story could be told in first person with John or Mary as the POV character
*Check2* Scene/Setting:
         -- Building worth more words. Also use all five senses, e.g., sound - kids yelling or babies crying. smell - dirty diapers, food cooking.
         -- Did kids live at this facility or was it just an office.
*Check2* Characters:
         -- More physical description woven into action
         -- 'John and Mary Jones' weak. Give them more interesting names
*Check2* Dialog:
         -- All dialogue pushed to the last half of the story. Give some of the early descriptions as words from the characters,e.g., "This place needs painting," said Mary.
         -- Need 'action beats' to avoid talking heads.
*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:
         -- Ran the story through 'Grammarly'. No spelling or grammar errors. 16 issues with comma placement but I often disagree with Grammarly's opinion on comma usage.
         -- Looks like you were very careful here. Good job.
*Check2* Suggestions:
         -- No need to protect privacy in fiction unless there is something in your real experience that you want to keep private. If so, I think the story is too thinly veiled to fool anyone.
         -- Work on interspersing dialogue with description.
         -- Above all, KEEP WRITING!
Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
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for entry "~ Soup's On! ~" 
Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
“I Write 2020” Review


Greetings, I am reading your work as part of "I Write in 2020", and offer here my comments and suggestions for your consideration.

Review of "ruwth is writing..."  Title: Soup's On!

*Check2* Overall Impression:
         -- Warm and caring feeling. I like it
         -- Reminds me a bit of the fable 'Stone Soup'
*Check2* Plot:
         -- Appropriate for a short piece -- remembering good times while going through the process of trying to prepare a meal in hard times.
*Check2* Style and Voice:
         -- Appropriately melancholy.
*Check2* Scene/Setting:
         -- Kitchen is important. A few more words of description would add to the atmosphere.
*Check2* Characters:
         -- No description, but I formed my own vivid image. That's good writing.
*Check2* Dialog:
         -- None. Putting thoughts in quotes might confuse the reader.
*Check2* Grammar and Mechanics:
         -- remininced s/b reminisced
         -- gotten use s/b gotten used
         -- aquaintance s/b acquaintance
         -- alk s/b all
         -- thoughts in italics instead of quotes
*Check2* Suggestions:
         -- I know you have already submitted this entry, but if you are able to edit, fix the spelling and grammar errors.
Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
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34
Review by flyfishercacher
Rated: E | (4.0)
Mathematics is the language of God and Music is his voice. Most people do not understand the intricate relationship between mathematics and music. For them I feel sad.
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