This is a very interesting setup for a story, but it has a few problems. Overall, the events in the story work very well, but the descriptions need to be cleaned up, and in some places, expanded upon.
First, why is all the text centered? It was a little difficult to read the lines that way. It's alright to center important words or statements, but centering all of the text made it difficult to read.
Second, the pacing was quite uneven. Over half of the chapter was contributed to how the main character felt, and only a single sentence was contributed to what he looked like. Granted, I often exclude visual images in my story, allowing the reader to decide what the characters look like, but until I read the word 'boy', I didn't know if he was 8 or 80. Also, the fight with the monstrous creatures lasted less than a single paragraph. If you're planning to have a lot of action in the story, you need to expand on it, to draw the reader in.
Third, the story tells me nothing about the character's personality. I have no idea who he is or what he's like, so I honestly didn't care much if the monsters get him or not. To me, he isn't a real person unless I understand who he is, and what his motives are. Character development is possibly the most crucial factor of creating stories, and although the chapter presented an interesting situation, the character really isn't anything besides a receptacle for pain and confusion. I'm sure you expand on it later, but you really need to show the readers something, or they aren't going to be interested in him, no matter what powers he happens to have. For example, in the X-men comics and movies, if you go by raw power, Wolverine is one of the least powerful members of the team. Regardless, he's the most popular member of the team. Less power can often be more interesting than more.
Fourth, and most importantly, the grammar and wording was frequently odd or jumbled. Here's some examples:
*He began listening vigorously.*
That just sounds odd. How about: *He listened intently, for any possible dangers.* instead?
*His eyes strained to perceive than the hairy which covered their bodies.*
I'm not sure what you mean by this. Do you mean *His eyes strained, but failed to recognize any features, save for the hair on their body.* or something to that effect?
*They were armed, though with what he was unsure. He could only see a handle of some sort protrude from the leading creature's hip. They were both tall and broad beasts, no horns nor a tail. This seemed odd to him.*
Again, this is oddly worded. Why would he look at weapons first, then what they were like? Also, tall and broad beasts makes me assume they're animals, but they appear to be human. I honestly have no idea what they look like. If they look like animals, then what animals do they look like? Why does the main character think they aren't just people in masks?
*The blast had shredded the remaining ones legs like ribbon.*
I believe you're mixing metaphors here, do you mean shredded them to ribbons?
*The blade pinning the corpse to the ground.*
You either missed a word, or switched tenses, and in either case, it wasn't the only place you switched tenses in the story. The tense should always be in the past tense in stories. Otherwise, it gets really complicated. Also, you started a lot of sentences with the word 'the', and it got to be a bit repetitive.
*He fell backwards his eyes rolling back as he lost consciousness.*
You need a few commas in here. *He fell backwards, with his eyes rolling back, as he lost consciousness.* Try saying the phrase out loud. Whenever you pause, you need to have a comma.
I did like the last two lines of the story. I would change nothing there. I see you've discovered the secret of having a very strong opening and closing. This is indeed vital for keeping the reader interested.
I don't want you to think I'm just trashing your story, as I wouldn't have replied in such detail if I thought it was bad. It's a very interesting setup, and the beginning was definitely gripping, but it needs proof-reading, and better descriptions of appearances, not just feelings.
Personally, after I write something, I quietly read it out loud to myself, to see how it sounds. A lot of sentences that seem fine when we double check them, quickly fall apart when we read them out loud, and listen to what they sound like. That's the closest you can get to discovering what someone is going to think when they read it for the first time.
My own writing does not come easy. I write the story, but then I immediately go over it again, often re-writing entire paragraphs in order to clean it up. In fact, I personally can be downright anal retentive over it, so don't be surprised if you have to re-write chapters practically from scratch in order to get it exactly the way you want it to be.
Good luck!
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