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93 Public Reviews Given
185 Total Reviews Given
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Valori!

On the one hand, I agree with you wholeheartedly: If you don't sign your name to something, you're probably not to proud of it. You've probably got some reason for not wanting to be associated with it.

On the other hand, I've had some bad experiences. Writers whom I rated and reviewed (both high and low ratings, though mostly those I rated low) took their aggression and disappointment out on my portfolio - ravaging, ruining, deleting months of hard work and good ratings in a few seconds of temper.

So, while I agree with you that opinions should be spoken proudly and not anonymously, I also realize the need for somone to be anonymous. I've stopped reviewing items that I feel I cannot rate highly, with all honesty. The conseqeunce is that, though I read both good and not so good pieces, I only rate and review the ones that are above average. I don't want a disgruntled author on my case. (Although some authors are disgruntled by a 4.5 and a few comments!) It might not be the perfect solution, and it might not be fair to those who really want to learn and improve and get honest, constructive criticism. But it's just not worth the headache and heartbreak.

I think it's a sad reality. People can't help others improve, because of fear that those they help will turn on them. I don't think that's the point of the site, but I do understand why this has happened.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant and rave! *Smile*
I liked your article and I think it was well written and very true... I hope you won't mind that I'm posting this publicly, since I really hope some anonymous reviewers might find it. *Smile*

Have a great day.
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ugh!

This is so funny.... and sad!
Don't you just hate those things?!
I despise those credit companies almost as I despise the "You have a chance of winning $100,000,000.... along with another 1,000,000,000 people. Just send in your bank account number, social security number, driver's license photo - oh, and a passport would be good, too." or the "You've won a free gift! Just come to 7890 End-of-the-world Road, Nowhere, Someplace for a three hour demonstration."

They can really drive you crazy. I don't even open the little booklets or letters anymore. I only look at the bill. Plus, I try to use my debit card (which doesn't charge a thing! Well, sometimes that's bad too. ou don't think twice about using it. *Smile*) or cash as much as I can. Writing those cheques to the companies just ruins my day completely.

Thanks for the laugh. *Smile* I sympahize!
Keep smiling!
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

This is a very well written article. It was a pleasure to read it. *Smile*
I would like to point out some things that I noticed:

1. "...but because it is a part of the believer’s life, of who such a one is, ..."

I'm not sure, but I think you meant to say: "of whom such one is". Even if that is the case, I think the line is a bit awkward and could be re-written to read more clearly. How about, "but because it is a part of the believer's life, a part of who s/he is, ..." ?
That's just my suggestion.

2. "... tied up with our faith lives, however,..."

The wording "faith lives" seems a bit strange to me, personally. I suggest, "Prayer itself is so intimately tied up with our faith..." instead.

3. "...God another name consonant with disbelief in any formal divinities...."

Perhaps this is my ignorance speaking, but I don't think the word "consonant" was the one you were looking for. Again, I might be mistaken, since this is a phrase I haven't come across before. Perhaps you meant "consistent"?

I think the article itself is well written and atriculate. I don't happen to agree with some of your points, however, I won't let that cloud my judgment on your writing. *Smile*
I think you could have fleshed out the difference in religions a bit more, and how that bears upon teaching religion in schools. It sounded to me that you only touched upon other religions when you stressed that you wouldn't want someone from a different religion teaching your child.
Also, I think it would be interesting to add another point: how children from different religions would feel in a school that had public prayers. I wonder if it would cause discrimination and segregation?

Well, that's all!

Have a great day!
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hahahah!

This is great!
It's really hilarious. *Wink* What a great idea! You put an intriguing spin on such a common mistake. It has happened to me about a zillion times, as well.


I only have two comments:

1. "Thinking this must be due to a lack of sleep or that I dozed off for a moment,..."

I think it should be: "or that I had dozed off..." Just plain old tenses. *Smile*

2. "I found no cause listed for this, as well as, no cases listed."

The second comma (after "as well as") confuses me. However, I can't think of a better way to place it. I do think, though, that the line could be better phrased. How about: "I found no cause listed for this, nor any cases listed."

Thats it for me. *Smile* This really was well written and a joy to read. My opinions are really only that - opinions. Feel free to disregard as you see fit, or accept what you wish. *Smile* If you would like me to re-read, just drop me a line. *Smile*

Thanks for the laugh!
Robyn
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Review of LITTLE BUDS  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again!

It is with great pleaure that I give you these well earned stars!
I think this poem is beautiful, on every one of its many levels.
I have no further commments on it. *Smile* It is gentle, yet powerful, and the key sentence "Do not blossom, little buds" simply gains more meaning with every repetition.
The only thing that bothers me, as I have mentioned, is the capitalized heading. However, I chalk that up to difference of artistic opinions. *Smile*

I am so pleased that you take criticism so well, even when you don't agree with it.
Your attitude is wonderful and encourages me to keep reviewing your work. You let me know that my effort is appreciated, even if you don't happen to agree, which is also fine. *Smile*

Thanks for this great feeling.
I will continue to peruse your portfolio.

Have a great day!
Robyn
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Review of LITTLE BUDS  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Khalish!

Another lovely poem. I enjoyed this one, very much. Not only is it a good description of the irony of budding flowers, but I also think it reflects on many underlying levels: growing up, for one example. I think you wove a beautiful web with these words. As always, you write maturely, engagingly and well.

My comments:
1. "Let me be enchanted by
Dream flowers, from afar."

Though the format is 7-7-7-7, this last line is 6 syllables long, unless I have somehow forgotten how to count, which is also quite possible. *Smile*

2. "Frailty, true, is power thine,..."

This is probably just me, but I don't understand this sentence. What/who is the "thine" referring to? Please explain this for my own peace of mind. *Smile*

3. "Once opened you would be stale."

Personally, I think "you will be stale" is better, gramatically, for the tenses. Especially since in the next line you write, "You will lose your fragrance..."
I think both should be "will", but if you want to use "would" , then both should be "would". Consistency. *Smile*

4. Special-petal ---> false rhyme! *Smile*

5. "Do not blossom little buds,
No matter if you are frail.
Frailty, true, is power thine,
That will forever prevail.

Do not blossom little buds,
Once opened you would be stale.
You will lose your fragrance and,
In enticing, you will fail."

Though you use two different sets of rhyming words: frail-prevail and stale-fail, they are all the same sound (they all rhyme interchangeably). I think this stands out to the ear, since the verses are consecutive. Perhaps, if the order of the verses is not too integral, and can be changed, you could play around with it, in order to make these two verses farther apart? Just my opinion.

As always, these are just my thoughts. Fee free to disregard what you do not agree with. Also, as always, contact me if you wish to. I'll be glad to re-read at your request. *Smile*

Robyn
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Review of UNFULFILLED DREAM  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Khalish!

Well, I'll get right to it:
1. I like that you are so sensitive to women's issues. I see many of your items are dedicated to that subject, and I, as a woman, appreciate it greatly. *Smile*

2. Personally, I cringe at headers that are all capitalized. To me, it reads as though you were screaming at me. All your portfolio is like this, so I assume it's your style. I just felt I had to mention it, since I think it might be putting off some readers. No-one likes to be yelled at. *Smile*

3. I think I noticed some commas missing:
A. "I too had like other girls"

At first I though you had meant to write "liked" ubtil I realized that you had meant: "I, too, had, like other girls"

B. "I too did imagine of
A tiny home and hearth"

Once again, the commas. Plus, I don't think "imagine of" is correct grammar. When you speak, you say you imagined something, not of something. So, how about, "I, too, did day-dream of..." or something like that. Also, I think a comma is needed after "hearth".

C. "Me, he cannot satisfy,
Nor give children to me"

This is actually one sentence, though divided into two lines. I'm not 100% sure, but I think it is a mistake to use "me" twice. As a sentence, it sounds a bit off to me: Me, he cannot satisfy, nor give children to me.
How about:
"He just cannot satisfy,
Nor give children to me."

Or something like that.

D. "We did have some warmth of love
Which has now turned to frost."

I think a comma should come before "which", as it does in prose.

E. "We live under the same roof,
But it is not a home.
For him nothing is amiss,
I keep on crying alone."

Firstly, I think there should be a semi-colon after "amiss" not a comma. If you want to leave the comma, I think you should put "but" or "yet" after it.
Secondly, home-alone is a false rhyme. I'm sure you know this, but I did have to point it out. *Smile*

I apologize if this seems like a harsh review. I really don't intend to hurt anyone. I am simply pointing out things, as I see them. Feel free to disregard what you do not agree with.
Let me know what you think, and if you decide to make any changes. I'll be happy to re-rate. *Smile*

Have a great day,
Robyn
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Review of LOVE AND TRUST  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi!

Another well written poem, Khalish!
Needless to say, I cannot find fault with your format and form. You are always correct and orderly. I like to read your work. This poem also flows wonderfully and it sounds musical, to my ears, at least. I have learned so much from you. *Smile*

I'd like to comment on the content, actually.
You've raised an interesting question: are love and trust the same? Which is more "basic"? Which more profound?

In my opinion, in contrast to yours, love is more basic. We fall in love with people, even when we do not know them very well. We give our hearts easily, sometimes too easily. I think the classic case is that of an abused woman, who knows she cannot trust her spouse to treat her with respect, yet cannot help loving him. Or a teenage crush: we become infatuated with someone, not because we know them (usually, we don't know that person at all, but create an imaginary persona to stick to that person) and declare our love for that person.
On the other hand, trust is mutual. Trust evolves from respect and belief in one another. I disagree with your line
"Trust is when, to one unknown,
Another for help clings"

I cannot think of an instance when one trusts another without the other earning that trust. It is much harder ofr people to trust than to love, in my opinion. You describe it as a clingy behavior, with one of the parties not even knowing about the dependency.
However, I do agree that we usually feel a fondness for one whom we trust. I would find it hard to trust someone I disliked, and hard to dislike someone who had earned my trust.
Perhaps I am mistaken. I speak only for myself and from my own experience. I hope I have not offended you with my opinions. *Smile*

All the best,
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Gen!

Much, much better!
I'm so glad I could help out.
I think the poem sounds much better, and it flows (!) wonderfully now!
Great job!
One thing:
"As they marched onward and stormed the gate."
It seems to me that this has 9 syllable and not the 10 that are in the rest of the verses.
How about, "stormed through the gate"?

I'm delighted that you made these chnages. I think it's a great piece of work now. *Smile*

Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Oh, Gen!

Well, I'm continuing my excavation thorugh your Song Of Paradise. I love the way you created this poem to fit with the story. It's like Tolkien creating languages for his... *Smile*

However, what were you thinking?
While the words are good, and the point simply great, the meter is simply all over the place! *Frown* So, I'll roll up my sleeves and help you!

First off, let's decide what we want the syllable count to be! We can't just have each stanza doing its own thing - that would be chaos! (As a student of Chemistry and Physics, I must say: chaos is never good!) *Bigsmile*
Down to work:

"Down from the hills
Came the savage masses;
Workmen from the mills,
Farmers from the plainsland grasses."

If you want this to fit, the lines have to be longer. They are much shorter than the rest.
My suggestion:
"Up from the valleys and down from the hills
Came the women and children in masses.
Workmen abandoned posts at the mills,
And farmers left the plainsland grasses."

On to the next:

"Led by a tall wizard, grey,
They marched to the castle gate.
They would burn a man that day
And seal their everlasting fate."

Same idea here: The next stanzas are much longer so let's fit them together. The syllable count I'm using is 10 10 10 9. Here's my suggestion:

"A towering wizard showed them the way,
And they marched onward and stormed through the gate.
A man they would burn on this very day
And forever would they seal their fate."

Next:
"Doomed was this man of unnatural ways
Who constructed machines with an engine,
Who turned the darkest nights into days
And boxes that voices could speak in."

Oops! Too close rhymes, in my opinion: days-ways with way-day. Even if you decide not to accet my suggestion for the previous stanza (which, of course, you have every right to!) then way-days and grey-way is still too close.

My suggestion:
"Doomed was this man of unnatural mind,
Who constructed machines with an engine,
Who answers to ev'ry question would find
And boxes that voices could speak in."

I'm just going to carry on:
"There was a mighty battle at the wall,
There was thunder, sparks, and flame.
Beasts and Men heeded the wizard's call
To destroy this man without common name."

Meter again. My thoughts:

"A mighty battle was fought at the wall
And the evening sky blazed brightly with flame.
Beasts fought by Men to heed the wizard's call
To destroy this man without common name."

Last one (whew, I'm tired!)
"By twilight he could not hope to win;
The charges were read from a list.
Burnt to a crisp, so great was his sin,
This man who called himself "Scientist"!"

Okay, I think:

"By twilight he knew that he could not win
One by one, charges were read from a list.
Burnt to a crisp, for so great was his sin,
Was the man known as the "Scientist"!"


Okay, I'm totally wiped out. I spent an hour on this! *Smile*
(I hope you appreciate it, Gen!) Lol! Just kidding!

Let me know what you think, what you disagree with and what you agree with. Don't be shy to tell me what you really think! *Smile*

As always,
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
hi!

Once again, a great idea. Unfortunately, I think this list is too long to be efiicient.
I suggest breaking it up into categories, perhaps?
Also, I'd like to request that you add my forum:

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#956163 by Not Available.


Everyone is welcome. I'm hoping it will take off soon enough! I want everyone to come in and rant!

Thanks!
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!

This is wonderful!
More people should use this page.
It's so useful and helpful. It really makes getting to those important articles that much easier.
I'm going to add this to my favorites! *Bigsmile*

I also really liked your signature. It fits this perfectly! lol!

Have a wonderful day!
Robyn
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Review of Paradise  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi!

Good for you for not letting go!
I wish more men were like you!

It's commendable that, in spite of all your borther's negative influence, you manage to retain your self diginity and your dreams. You refuse to degrade yourself and women the way so many do.
I won't be a prude, I know there are also women who live by this ideology, but I think the majority is men. I can appreciate how hard it is to be different from your friends and your brother. That makes it all the more remarkable that you hang on to your values.

Great job!!

Robyn
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Review of Doublespeak  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi!

I can understand your frustration! I also wrote a poem about this, and I entitled it "Look Me In The Eye".
Anyway, as I said, I can understand how annoying and painful it is to experience such back-stabbing. It also happened a lot where I used to work. In fact, I felt in personally more than once.

I noticed that you used false rhymes in a few places:
"moment-torrent" "anymore-sure" "prevents-confidence" "again-brain" "withdraw-for". Personally, I think it's a shame. They ruin the good scheme you have going. You obviously have an extensive vocabulary. I'm positive you could find rhymes for these words. To me, they just seem to stick out like a sore thumb.

Aside from that, the meter was very unclear to me. I tried to re-read this several times and find some sort of rhythm, but it kept eluding me. I think it's very important to count the syllables and make sure that there is a specific scheme.
For example:
"Eyes that do not contain a smile,
Though the spoken words me beguile,
I think that I have a true friend.
A crushing hurt comes at the end,
I see what there is going on.
Feeling betrayed, my trust has gone"

I would suggest:
"Eyes that do not contain a smile,
Though the spoken words do beguile.
I think I've found a precious friend,
But a crushing pain reveals the end.
I see what has been going on.
I've been betrayed, my trust is gone."


or, for:
"I could murder at that moment;
Unleash this great tidal torrent
Of hate onto this deceiver’s head.
Doublespeak has left me for dead.
Numbed I can't believe anymore,
Never again be really sure."

"This behavior is abhorrent.
I'd unleash this tidal torrent
Of hate onto this liar's head.
Doublespeak is all he's said.
Numbed, I can't hear any more,
And yet it's so hard to ignore."

These are just my suggestions. You can take them or leave them.

Let me know how this works out?

Have a great day!
Robyn
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Review of Golden  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi...

Well, as for subject matter, I have no personal problem with this topic, so any criticism does not stem from that! *Smile*

Though this is short, it is well written and very moving. I think it would even more moving (and not quite so angering) if it didn't seem like the husband was forcing the wife. She says, "Not yet," but he takes it upon himself to signal the doctor, and, in effect, he takes her life in his hands. Though they might have agreed, she still retains the right to change her mind, and if she wants a few more moments, it's not fiar of him to deny her that. In fact, it makes me very resentful... *Smile*
I think I would have a much easier time with this, if after she asked for a few more minutes, they wait until she gives the sign. It's just not fair for him to do that to her.

Sorry if I seem upset. This really touched me. *Smile*

Keep writing!

Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi.

I liked you idea of writing about the tsunami from a fisherman's point of view. However, it felt very clinical ot me. There didn't seem to be much feeling. It's as though you knew the facts to write, but couldn't infuse the real emotion of the day: the fear, confusion, panic, sadness, desperation...

Aside from that, I think there were some lines that caused the rhythm to falter.

1. "When the wave struck, he thought all was lost,
For just like a toy, his boat was lifted and tossed."
I think there're two syllable too many in the second line. Maybe, delete the "for just"?

2. "The day had started really well, was calm and sun-bright,
Nothing was telling him, that by that night"
Te first line is too long. In the first verse, the first line has 12 syllables, but in this line you have 13. Maybe delete after the comma write "breezy and bright"? As for the next line, in the first verse it had 8 syllables, but now you put 10. How about, "No way he could know that tonight".

The rest of the verses have similar problems. It makes it very dificult to have a rhythm in my mind while I read this. It's important to count the syllables and be sure that you're following a pattern.

3. I think there were a few extra commas:
"For all his relatives, drowned in the sea" No comma needed.
"Terror struck, then thrown high upon a beach" I'm not sure this line is grammatically correct. Who/what is the subject?

Anyway, those are my two cents. You can accept or reject, it's your call.
Let me know if you get stuck. I'll be happy to help out! *Smile*

Have a good one!
Robyn
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Review of Little Freak  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hi.

I found this on the "review request" page and it said there that you were looking for an honest review. Well, beware, here it comes! *Smile*

I think this poem needs a little more work.
1. Capitalize the "i" in the intro.
2. I really don't see how suicide ties in to this, and if it does, then maybe take a few lines to address it and not mention it lightly, as if it were nothing. Personally, I think that it's irrelevant, but that's just me.
2. "I thought you went away I really did
I guess I'm going to have be beat this kid"

First, put a comma after "away" and a period after "did". Then, explainto me what the second line means. *Smile* I think there's a grammatical mistake there. Do you mean you're going to beat someone up or are you going to be beat? It's not clear. There's some kind of mixup there.

3. "You piss me off now your going to die
Your world is over just say good bye"

Your --> you're (you made the same mistake in the next verse, too)
comma after "off" and a period after "die".

I think I'll stop now. There's one more verse, but it has the same kinds of errors in it. I suggest you take some time to go over the poem seriously. Correct all grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. Then, try to find the right words to use. I got the feeling this was just a bit too "slangish" for my tastes. *Smile*

Don't give up. Keep working on it!

Good luck!
Robyn
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Review of Disillusionment  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

This is a very nice poem. I liked the many metaphors you used. I was expecting a different end, maybe one which had more anger. Throughout the poem , you kept repeating how what you are, is really a reflection on what he is. You never said that it was the same, the other way around, until the end. I guess that's a nice touch, but it just seemed a lot less emotional than the rest. I was really expecting some pronouncement of resentment. Your ending felt more withdrawn and as though you were saying, in effect, "Oh, well, I don't care because I do it, too."

Perhaps this ending is the more mature one. *Smile* Good for you, then. I guess I'm just more vengeful! *Smile*

One comment:
Nor I, you.
Because we are trapped inside
our illusions.

I think a comma after "you", so you won't start a sentence with "because".
Feel free to accept or not. These are just my ideas. *Smile*
Have a good day!
Robyn
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Review of Let Go  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi!

Wow, this is great!!

You did a great job with rhyme and meter, not mention your subject and the way you write about it! This is really fantastic, in my opinion! I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. *Smile*

If I may I'd like to suggest two things:
"Man has built sturdy bridges crossing over the seas"
As I was reading the poem, this line struck me as too long. Maybe you should delete the "sturdy"? When I read it like that, it seemed better to me. Up to you, though! There should also be a period at the end of the next line, and not a comma.

"I have been many places and made many friends"
Maybe you should make it "have made many friends", both to correct the grammar (I think this would be better) and I think it helps the meter some. I'm not certain on this. I mean, it works well without it, too. I just thought this might help. Oh, and put a period at the end of the next line, not a comma! *Smile*

I really liked this!!! Great job! *Smile* Thanks for giving my morning a good start! *Smile*

Robyn
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Review of A THOUGHT  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi!

I really liked the subject you chose to write on. A thought that stays in your mind, encouraging you on, yet second-guessing you. I think we alwyas have those two in our heads. We are always thinking what could have been, and what is yet to come.

I think you wrote very nicely. You followed the format very well.
I didn't like the repeated phrases so much. I'm not referring to the first line in each verse. That's fine. I'm talking about "I, too" (which appeared 6 times) and "Till then" (which appeared 3 times, close together). The repeats sound harsh on the ear. They annoy a bit, and also create a feeling of weariness. Try to variate the phrases, to make the poem more interesting to the reader.
I also did not understand this line:
"Till, this journey does end one day"
What is the "Till" doing in there!? *Smile* It makes no sense. *Smile*

I think you took a very good subject and wrote about it nicely. I'm certain you could write about it much better! Feel free to accept my opinions or reject them. If you do decide to make any changes, I'll glady come back and re-read.

Have a good one!
Robyn
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Review of What are clothes?  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi!!

This is hilarious!
I really laughed my head off. Not only did you ask a funny question, but you suited the entire intro to the theme. You wrote with a lot of humour and I enjoyed myself from the first line. Thanks for a great laugh!

I also liked the options that you gave. While being funny, you didn't make the poll stupid and you did not make any mistakes one normally expects from funny polls, like spelling errors or bad options. Good! *Smile*

BTW - I picked other. I think that I wear clothes for a multitude of reasons, some of which you mentioned. Sometimes, just because clothes can make you look better than you otherwise would. *Smile*

Have a good one!
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hi!

First off, I think this is a great subject to write about. You obviously have a lot of feelings that resonate through your words, and make the poem draw in the reader.
That's why I think that the shape if the poem, spelling-wise and grammatically, is such a shame. It really detracts from the poem. You alternated capital "I"'s and lower-case "i"'s. If using a lowercase "i" is a statement, you should be continuous. If it's not, then you should make the effort ot edit and look over your work before you post. I've found that readers take you less seriously when they think you didn't care enough to edit, or are just not clear about your intentions.
Also, you did not punctuate. I think this poem would certainly benefit from well placed commas and periods. It would make the poem more readable and enjoyable for the reader.
I really think that you have a good basis to grow from. All the points I mentioned are all "finishing touches" which make a work complete. You can choose to accept or reject what I think. It's totally up to you. *Smile*
I hope this was helpful. If you want me to re-read, just send me a line. *Smile*

Have a great day,
Robyn
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow!

I'm not a fan of free verse but this poem definitely left a mark!
Your imagery is unbelievable! Great job. I think this poem is great. It's virtually drowning in emotion. I could feel your anger and, I think, your disgust and hatred towards this person. This is just so strong!
I have no suggestions or corrections to make. I think this is really remarkable. The only verse that I didn't think was wuite as strong was the first/last one. I like the idea of a frame of verses. That fits perfectly with the poem. It's just that something about that verse seems weaker than the rest, to me.

Robyn
24
24
Review of Rekindled  Open in new Window.
Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi!

I found your request for a review on the review page. You said you wanted some feedback, so here goes:
I think the poem is very sweet. It's obvious you care deeply for the addressee of the poem. I see this as a letter to a loved one, though it's not clear if it's a love letter or a goodbye letter or a begging-for forgiveness-letter. *Smile* You mention your mistakes of the past and ask for forgiveness. I think it's a nice touch, but I'm unclear on whether your relatioship hinges on her forgiveness, or that's just there for romantic reasons?
I found a few places which used false rhymes (*Frown*). I'm a stickler for form, so I'll point them out. Obviously, you don't have to change them if you don't wish to: "day-paid" "moon-you". The rest of the rhymes are fine, though you used "thee" in the the second verse and in the next line (and in all the rest) you used "you". What that makes me think is that you forced the rhyme there. You used "thee" just to make it rhyme, and not because you wanted to write the poem in Old English. If that had been the case, you would have made all "you"'s "thee"'s.
The meter is fine, as far as I can tell, though the flow feels a bit stilted.
Aside from that I found a spelling error: "beautifull" should be "beautiful". Only one "l". Also, I think you put a comma in a wrong place: there should be no comma after "ponder".
The last thing I found was a line that was unclear to me: "So much to use for
this work I shall do."
What does this mean? I think it's faulty grammar, but I am not absolutely sure. Even if it is correct grammatically, I think it's unclear stroy-wise.

I know I listed a lot of things, but I think this poem is basically fine. It could be polished up, but the base is there. It's sweet and romantic and fun to read. Please let me know if you make any changes. I'll be happy to re-read.

Have a good one!
Robyn
25
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Review by ♫ Princes... Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I think this poem is incredibly sweet. I could feel my head screaming, "No, no! Don't make that same mistake again!"
I do have a few suggestions, though. You didn't use any punctuation in this piece, and I think that it lacks periods and commas. I think it truly changes a good piece not to use punctuation. One more thing:
"So they started over together"
This line is not the same length as the other first lines in the preceding verses. Maybe,
"So they started over once again"

Those are my two cents!

Good job!! Great that you won those awards...

Have a good one!
Robyn
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