Honest in it's rawest form. That is my first impression as I started this story and they are my final thoughts when the tale was finished. Cast away. Words of power about both the home and the starving cats. Sadness rings loudly throughout this story. A sadness seldom written with such a passion for just the right words. Although the story was sad, the telling of it was in great style. Powerful work.
Rodney.
A burden we must all one day bare. The telling through a third party can sometimes go very wrong but fits wonderfully in this particular case. The grave. Yes he knows that with each mowing he is one step closer. Quite a sobering thought at that. I wonder if he will murmur as others dressed in black sniffle over him? Good job.
Rodney.
The first thing that comes to mind here is the word "dad". Is it spoken metaphorically or is meant literal? To be taken in the context of the words as literal makes this about the saddest and most optimistic story I have ever read. Metaphorically makes the most passionate story I have ever read. Either way it is great writing and by all means continue with your particular style for seldom have I been moved as much by so few words.
Rodney.
This was extremely well worded and too the point. We all wish for the innocence and naivety of our youth and the words you choose were perfect examples. Peace, a time of reflection and remembrances. Christmas. The time when all is forgotten for a while and we do in fact become childlike in our mannerism's. Christmas, the one time when we all return to our childhoods. Bravo! Great!
Rodney.
This story speaks loudly to me as my oldest daughter, Sandy, lost her unborn child two years ago. She was devastated as you portrayed quite well with your words, then as the grief left a calmness came over her and this year she was blessed with a daughter of her own Willow, a miracle we hold and still we remember the one that was not too be. Never will one so small be forgotten, but life goes on and this story brought a tear of remembrance to my eyes. Well done.
Rodney.
I found this particular poem of the variety seldom seen. Honesty. Anyone can weave a tale of words into something that rhyme or not as they choose. This was different. True, waxing poetic, without the clutter of un-necessary words to tie it together. Well done and well worded for the painting of a visual picture with words.
Rodney.
This poem has a distinct undertone of the story of One so great before the Great revealing is time to be received. A masterpiece of hidden meaning it shows how One must suffer the inadequacies of us all before showing His true character. I really enjoy poems in particular with deep roots as they make you think while you read and re-read just in case you missed something.
Rodney.
This story however true is funny to me for never has the thought of suing anyone occurred to my mind. Satire fits this one perfectly as it describes the mindset of the few that ruins life for all of us who have worked our whole lives and stand to loose it over something frivolous.
Congratulations on a great satire!
Rodney.
A story of time and at the same time timeless. Why do you think homeless guy just happened to trip Stan? My theory is that he was more, much more, than a homeless guy. He was time itself. Proving itself to the intent that given enough time and everyone will be late. Sound about right, or have I missed your point entirely here? I give you a five and it is well deserved for the sub context of your story.
Rodney.
Tears. My first reaction to this tale of woe and a mothers love for an abused child. I have a five year old grad daughter named Keligh that was abused by her uncle and denied by her father while at the time he has been in jail for abusing an fourteen year old so this one hit me hard. You have great skills at weaving words together and will go far in life with your writing as this was such a tremendous example. Powerful comes to mind, the power of a tormentor and bully without regard's to the consequences of his actions. All I can say about this work is WOW! Great style and I truly hope it doesn't come from personal experience for there is no worse torcher than the abuse of a child.
Rodney.
This my new friend is a story as old as time itself to quote another. Your decisive use of particular words make the story seem real as it is read. I rate it high because not only the creativeness but more so for the shock drama effect that sneaks upon an individual as they read it even though you know in advance where the story is going to end. Great writing and though I read much here few are the times I have typed those particular words! Keep up the catching of my attention and I will keep reading, nay, patiently awaiting your work. Normally I would send you many gift points for such a work but at the time my count is zero from the reading of another's review of my work.
Rodney.
A troubled mind in battle within it's own conflicts.
I hope I got the message right.
Life is always a struggle and your work defines it quiet well.
The end?
Is it the end or does the struggle continue?
You and only you have the answer.
May I know?
A fine work, a real thinker.
Good job and keep up the great work.
RB.
You should have entered it. It is a great poem about the struggles here on Earth and the rewards received in the afterlife. A poem we all could learn from.
Good writing.
RB.
A fine telling of family lost. I too lost my grandfather some years back and also found it hard to make peace with. My tears were too delayed for sometime Is this normal> I think so. A fine work that is sure to make the reader stop and think. Great job.
I am somewhat perplexed by the call to arms without having the details on why we are called to arms.
A little background on why would definitely be a plus. Otherwise a poem that borders on being epic.
There is plenty of passion here ant the story rings true of a thousand of similar call in the past especially during the middle ages.
A Powerful and intriguing read.
Keep up the good work.
Wow! Cutting? A horrible affliction to be sure. What manner of sickness of the mind does it take to cut oneself?
Your writing brings several points that someone who is afflicted with this disorder may feel.
Graphic. A word, only a word but one that holds the power to keep a mind super tuned and riveted to your poem.
Very well written. I can not say enough about this one as anyone who reads it.
It was a gift to be able to read this one.
Interesting.
I want to read more even as I write this review.
A book in the making? One already finished?
I definitely would like to here the rest of the story. A fine tale of problems both old and future.
The writing was simply great ant the story epic.
Extremely well done.
The span of human life is always in question and I enjoyed this poem for a number of reasons:
First it appealed to my sense of time, long term not just thinking of today.
Then the struggles of family life and values and the results it brings reminds me of my own family.
I think the most interesting thing about this piece is that it speaks to all people, young or old.
Great work.
This story goes to show that real angels need not all reside in heaven.
I applaud your writing.
The detail is what intrigues me most about this story.
It is well worded and creates a definite picture in ones mind.
A picture that entwines a person into the story.
Simply great.
A tale of the inner fears we all bear witness to in our childhood minds. Monsters in any form never really leave us, they just fade a bit with the passing of the years. A fine read. Both bold and macabre, a story to be best repeated in front of a campfire with a flashlight.
Congratulations.
Only the second rating of five I have given to this date.
Another fine read.
I am fast becomming a fan of your particular writing technique.
I do so enjoy a good pirate tale and this was certainly no exception.
Spot on was the wording of this piece.
Well done.
This was a truly epic read.
I was riveted from the start.
Normally I would grow anxious to read a short story of so many words. Not so with this one. It gained and held my attention from the first sentence.
I applaud your work.
Great writing and great wording.
Great writing.
I have read dozens of works here and yours ranks with the best.
You had me living the journey with the kids, I even shivered once.
I too am afraid of clowns now.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rodbeck
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 3:57am on Dec 27, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
