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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/roxy4ever
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9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by ~*Roxy*~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I could not sleep tonight, I believe God plays a hand in all that we do. It was not an accident that after an hour of fiddling around on writer.com that I came upon this story.

My niece is going into foster care within the next two weeks.

Your story brought tears to my eyes. Children who are in this situation need to read this!

You have written through the eyes of a child. Her voice is truth.

I am grateful to have a better perspective after reading "Another Home for Casey".

I did not see grammatical or punctuational errors. Sentence structure is sound. I rated it perfect.

God bless these children with the one thing they desperately need...HOPE!

The world is a better place with gifted and caring people like yourself.

-Roxy
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Review of Reboot  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Roxy*~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Reboot- great title very imaginitive lyrics. I followed right along

I had to really listen to understand- this is what an audience wants. Keeps us on our toes. Makes us think!

It flowed nicely-though It would read easier if broken up into sections- for example:

Is that a price tag or a name tag?

Look at you now-

As you skip down the line,
life couldn't get any better

until they update the program! (great analogy here- trends)

It makes it more poetic and helps the reader move along.

Here's what touched me, a sweet line:

I know you look alone,
thats because you haven't taken your veil off yet!

there's lots of us around!

you just gotta look up;
and not on the ground

I edited the word but you dont need it- some words -and ,so but just take up space you delete them and it gives the lyrics more power.

I am into the music scene, I photograph musicians most weekends. I would love to be listen to this!

Peace- Roxy
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Review of Seasons  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Roxy*~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Diane-
What a lovely sonnet, it should place well in the contest. It took me through the all the time I have spent with my darling husband. How keen to use the seasons, I loved that-clever.

Your structure was really well done. It looks as though you put much effort into it. It flows nicely.

I believe it would help if :nature's bedspreads you would drop the "s". Though the other nouns are plural this one does not need to be.


My very favorite part was "cue the strings, my heart's composer...great!

This line: you and me, personally I would like to see it as: you and I.

I just went to read up on grammar and the use of "I or me". I learned something today: that either is appropriate !

Thank You for writing this and putting it up for review. Now when my husband comes home I want to get him into our hammock!

This could be great for a Fathers day card!

Roxy
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Review of For Mama  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Roxy*~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm crying with you! Thank you for writing this, It has been hard for me this week. I needed to be able to relate with someone else grieving

I lost my mother four years ago this January.

You did a great job of getting the emotion onto paper that is a great quality to possess.

You obviously pulled the audience in... as I dry my tears. Honesty and raw emotions really captivate readers because all of us have flaws, tragedy and unhappiness. They can relate.

My favorite part was your second paragraph: remembering all the positive things you loved about your mother -tore at my heartstrings.

My suggestion to make this even more powerful would be related to structure.

Replace the word and with a comma until last example then add AND before your last example.

I see your soft smile and I hear the laughter in your voice. I see the smile in your eyes. I can still feel the gentleness of your touch.

Would end up like this: I see your soft smile, I hear the laughter in your voice, the smile in your eyes and I can still feel the gentleness of your touch!

Isn't it cool how just a little twist can add so much power to a sentence. I learned this through reading the best book in the world! Writing to the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. She is awesome, so good she compels you to write!

Much Love and a big hug Roxy

Write on!
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Review of I'll Paint You  Open in new Window.
Review by ~*Roxy*~ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am amzed at the talent here. This piece is so original using painting as a metaphor great, no brilliant! It is so well written and flows well. I have greeted deaths door. It reminds me of the beautiful painting the outer exterior of self how people judge one on the outside while we can be near death in soul.
I would not change a thing about this.

Ill paint for you..still giving to others those that are intuitive see the dark shadows and greys. I just love this and would love to have a copy for myself.

The last stanza I really have to ponder on...brittle flower? Is it a symbol of how appealing death is or dead would be?

Peace- Roxy
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