Consider limiting the number of times you use the word YOU in each stanza.
This is beautiful "eyes misted over with tears not yet fallen." Wonderful imagery. I would encourage you to consider where your pauses are. I feel it would flow more smothly in transition from stanza to stanza if some of the pause where tweaked and some lines broken a bit differently. For example:
Hope this helps!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/runethesweet
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 7:48am on Dec 27, 2024 via server WEBX1.