Ah yes, the wonders and joys of grandparents. We often look to them in eyes of wonder, curious about the life the lived and how they viewed the changes in the world, and curious how they were once then. I think you did a wonderful capturing that feeling.
I don't know, there is something about short monologues like this can really make characters without needing much else. No descriptions or any narrations, just strictly dialogue and it works wonders. I can see in my head these characters talking and how they move without even needing anything else to help visual them. Keep up the good work
Hmm....So looking at this is Malcom a narcissist or am I misinterpreting this. He speaks a lot about the others suggesting they have better lives, but from the looks of it, he speaks more from his own insecurities and cowardice. Like Hiram seems to be of a lower position than him, with Malcom being the heir while Hiram is the second son or something but Malcom just feels threatened the whole time.
As for the sister, it seems he envies her for sure.
Cereal Killer, now that's honestly original. Also totally with the mom here, I don't see any walking cereal boxes trying to kill me. Also clearly that teacher doesn't know about the furry side of the internet to known why werewolves are dangerous, or about cannibalism to know why vampires are dangerous. That said...did he make the costume look like a large cereal box or was he walking around with a box with a knife impaling it.
It's reading poems like this. Poems that don't always bash or hate humanity and act like all it does is destroy and pollute the environment. Humanity has done some bad, but they also do some good and are trying to even more good. It just takes time. I remember when CFC's were considered a threat but look now, that's the least of our worries.
This sounds like a decent super hero origin all things considered, or am I looking too far. The way things sound, if her father was a thief then is the mask to blame for influencing him into making those choices. It can either be a nice super hero story or tragedy if the mask is a corrupting evil. I wonder how this will be in future.
Well that's um....something. I know road rage is a thing but wow. I guess that's the thing about some individuals. We're all normal in our own minds. All though I really thought the focus would be more on 103.5 then again I suppose it still was, showing how they tame the individual.
Is the last part suppose to sound dark or is it my perception? It starts out looking at the islands as a vacation for the first three stanzas, but the last one makes it sound like you're a cast away, in which case paradise is now prison
Why is this so relatable? Like why? It only downed on me recently that a human on average spends 40 years working which is a decent size. If some people don't have other means to enjoy themselves and only work for those 40 years then yeah they will definitely be miserable. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy life.
It's a simple piece but it captures so much. You often assume that it is by fate that you end up in some situations and assume that you will stay there forever. In reality it is all within your mindset. If you see yourself there and don't make an effort then you won't move forward. It is by finding the mindset of 'abundance'do you move forward. Through hard work and hope.
Not going to lie, you had me in the first half. I sincerely thought that you were going to go on a tangent about the dangers of technology and the isolation and apathy that they bring. However I am rather glad that this was not the case. You ensure and focused on the responsibility of technology being in human hands, that it is not a crutch or an excuse, it is merely a tool. I'm glad for that because it shows that you as well know its not the technology its the user.
I have to admit this one of the better short stories I've read. I'll be honest I thought you were going for a downer ending, something like David died and the story was forever buried, lost till it became apparent that other people were getting sit.
It's short and concise, well written and well developed, can't really say more than that other I wonder if you have other works similar to this one.
I must admit this definitely does invoke a feeling of surreal horror. A terrible feeling of loneliness and to an extent helplessness after being launched into such a strange situation. I must admit the whole idea of it being a lucid dream of him being in a coma is a nice twist, but i have to wonder if the place he visited was really a dream or some in between world. Overall it was a haunting read, would like to see more if possible.
There isn't really much I can say. It's not the typical types of poems I'm used to but i can tell its meant to invoke some sort of patriotism right. I'm trying to figure out though if its supposed to be as broken up as you have it. The way the sentences are structured it seems random. To me when I write poems its usually write along the lines of how much of a sentence I say between breaths naturally. The wording in this feels chopped sometimes.
Well i'll admit i definitely enjoyed how this went all things considered. Though admittedly his actions on the hero path feels admittedly a little more like a villain honestly. He technically kidnaps and holds her hostage till she develops a sort of Stockholm syndrome. I mean let's be real the responsible thing to do as a hero is simply possess her...confess to the police and then leave and maybe patrol as a ghost. The whole kidnapping and collecting suits feels more villainous or anti hero like instead...still it was fun to read.
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