Sarah U. MacMillan's (s.u.macmillan) Reviews

Sarah U. MacMillan

Review Requests: OFF

21 Public Reviews Given

26 Total Reviews Given

1

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#3144715

Review of Caged Desire

Review by Sarah U. MacMillan

Rated: E

| (3.5)

This is a good start to a poem about desire. I want to be shown, not told, what it is that you long for: not "love, completion, peace" but an image which evokes these. Similarly, I want to "see" or feel the "cage" that keeps you from completion. And in the last line, "limitless" seems to contradict the idea of a cage. The theme is an interesting one, though - write on!

2

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#3135794

Review of A Shout in the Water

Review by Sarah U. MacMillan

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This has the makings of a fine poem. I would have liked fewer adjectives telling us how to feel about the shark and the environment: e.g., "despicable," heavenly," "well-deserved". I really liked some of your phrasing: "the shore's rocky periphery" and the opening two lines are examples of imagery which appeals to more than one sense. Write on!

3

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#3132630

Review of Lost

Review by Sarah U. MacMillan

Rated: E

| (3.5)

This is a good effort; it could use a little revision here and there. If it were my poem, I would lose the first line of stanza two, so that the final line has more punch. The fourth stanza is a bit confusing: on what island does the wind not blow? Perhaps you could rework the last two lines of this stanza. Overall, you're on your way to a very good poem. Write on!

4

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#3131269

Review of Lover's Song

Review by Sarah U. MacMillan

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

This is definitely strong stuff, and would make a good spoken/slam poem. A few of the lines don't work for me: e.g., "nipples that rise to hunger's face" sounds like you're pushing hard to rhyme with the more evocative "damp skin and lace," and "I plunge into the flow" is a little obvious. If it were my poem, I would lose the second to last stanza and move on to the final stanza, which is slyly witty. Write on!

5

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#3130534

Review of Granny Apple

Review by Sarah U. MacMillan

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

A light-hearted poem with some seriousness underneath the surface. I wanted a couple more lines at the end - it didn't feel quite "sewn up" to me. I was also confused by the line "most of us young'uns would have hell to pay" (for dancing?) and it felt a bit forced. Overall, an enjoyable and witty piece.

6

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#3130530

Review of Vanishing

Review by Sarah U. MacMillan

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, quaz4,

This is a lovely image, and the question ends it well. If it were my poem, I would lose "vanish" in the first line and start with "waft away," then perhaps add something that gives us the scent of smoke or the feel of the air around you - in other words, bring in another sense. I like the mood you suggest so well here. Keep writing!

Sarah