Your piece sounds very promising. Beautiful and creepy, all at the same time. This is a genre that really appeals to me, and i'd love to read the rest of the content. Just one thing. I can't totally place the title "Forgotten colors" in context of the script. I'd have liked something like "Dreaded colors". Maybe its just me. But all in all, good work! Good luck!
I just went through your poem, and i liked it a lot. Every now and then, simple words used in it strike a chord.
Like for instance, "These paths are going to last"
You have used the rhyming very effectively too
I liked these lines the most:
Slow down for those who can’t move;
Help them to, their pain, remove.
Slow down, look back for a while;
Maybe you just missed a smile.
All in all, a great read!
As for suggestions/improvements, i really can't think of any.
I like it just the way it is.
Thanks for sharing your work
Greetings!
Hey that was quite amazing.What cool descriptions!The poems not only pulls in the reader but also connects to the reader almost instantly.And then it sails along very smoothly in a perfect rhythm.All in all,a gr8 job!It was a pleasure to review your work!Please keep sharing.
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