I love this poem. Thoughts of a lonely person without hope. Then the peal of a church bell reminds him of what the season is all about: God with us. He is no longer alone. Excellent unforced rhyming. A refreshing read. I have no problem awarding you five stars, Norksquad.
Thanks for including me, Bubblegum. I know how good it feels to receive kind words from reviewers. We are all different and a poem/story/article that I like may not be liked with the same enthusiasm by someone else. We are all learners trying to improve our writing skills and trying to reach out to others through what we write. Words are powerful - they can make us laugh or cry, or inspire us to be better. The best writing leaves us thinking 'I wish I had written that'. Good luck with your writing, Bubblegum. You are obviously a very keen member of writing.com. I am not doing so much these days but I keep up my membership and enjoy seeing what others are doing. Keep writing and reading.
Hi Bubblegum. I enjoyed reading your poem, Silent Poetry. I feel that you wrote it following a personal experience of tragedy. The only criticism I would have - and this is just me - is that it ends on a rather negative note - "The future looks so gloomy." I always like to end on a note of hope. Therefore I would have used your line "But there are still some good people out there, etc" or some other words of optimism to end with. Just my opinion. But I do like your style, conveying the thought that a young girl has lost her life too early and although you didn't really know her, you feel her loss and the hurt of those she has left behind. It is sensitively and nicely written.
Have you read my poem 'By the water's edge'? It's about someone who is talked out of suicide. I think you might like it.
I like this, Rose. No wasted words. Just a description of how one can feel alone when not physically alone. Loneliness can be a state of mind, as you have illustrated. Prevailing thoughts close the door to those around you. They don't know what's going on in your head. You have written a simple piece which thoughtful people will identify with.
Well done, Jim. I liked this. Arresting title and opening lines. Each verse begins with an interesting thought that makes the reader want to continue. Your subject is something everyone can relate to because the time will come when we have to go. How will we feel when that 'final bow' is imminent? You have left the reader with something to think about.
Nice one, Brian. There is an air of mystery about this poem, which I like. It is rather sad, but there is a glimmer of hope for the man in the last two lines - he does WANT to break free from the low life that seems to have him in its grip. Verse 3 I find a bit weak, nevertheless a haunting poem, nicely written, good rhyme and rhythm, interesting words.
Very nice poem, Kings. Simple yet profound. The rhyming works well - being natural, not forced. Good title too. All three verses convey wonderful thoughts. Just wondering...would you mind if I used this in a community magazine I publish? I think it would go down well and be an example to other writers.
This is a lovely, heartwarming piece, Ida. Little things mean a lot and you have captured two inspiring incidents well. Many people reading this will share your pride in your boys. You are right, many siblings don't get on - they are rivals rather than friends. Noah and Christian stick up for one another, which is brilliant.
Just one correction to point out. It should be I have two sons (not son's). Sons is a plural so no apostrophe is needed. Thank you for sharing your writing.
Hi Josalin. Life has been unkind to you and I feel for you, especially as something similar happened to me. But I think the time has come for you to stop wallowing in self-pity and move on. You have done well to write down this terrible episode - to get it off your chest as you say - now write a new chapter, put the past behind you and start living as you want to. When I was abused (by a stranger) I never told my parents and never will because of embarrassment, but I did tell other people in confidence and that was a great release. When you talk to others you discover that these experiences are much more common than you think. You are not the only one to have endured such an ordeal. Just look at the hundreds of 'I was abused' books in the book shops. Don't let it imprison you. Break free! Put it behind you. Use your experience in a positive way - you are now an understanding and compassionate person to others who have known pain in their lives. You have a great writing ability - that's why I have given you five stars. I wish you luck in the future.
This is Ok but would have been better with more detail/alternatives included. As this is an anonymous questionnaire people would be willing to say more if given the chance. It is an interesting subject and one which deserves highlighting. My view is that gays should be treated with the same respect as anyone else. Just because someone is left-handed you wouldn't say they're a disgrace or they deserve to die. Gays don't chose to be gay, it's just the way they are. All the gay people I know are extremely nice people. Because of the discrimination they've been through they are more understanding and sympathetic of others' problems than many straight people.
Great story, Jeannie S. I am very interested in angels so I really enjoyed it. The only thing I can suggest for improvement is that you insert a separating line of stars between you talking and Brian talking. I think angel interventions may be more common than we think. Sometimes people don't talk about such experiences for fear of being laughed at.. I like your introductory paragraph, What do angels look like? It sets the scene for your thought-provoking story. Well done. Bob.
HI Lucy. Nice, thoughtful poem. You have captured the feelings we have when love comes to an end. We wonder how the one we adored has become the one we don't want to be with any more. And yet we harbour the hope we can eventually be friends again. This is a well written, simple poem about one of the mysteries of life - how love can turn to hate, or at least indifference. We are hurt because we have given much - and now it's all for nothing. I enjoyed reading this piece because it evoked memories.
It's interesting to see these results. I know one or two people with bipolar disorder. One is extremely intelligent and I wouldn't have known he has bipolar if he hadn't told me. Another I don't know that well but he says he is either up or down - no in between. When he is down he is really down - lets himself go like a tramp. During his up times he follows his interests enthusiastically and he has written a book about himself - very revealing!
Hello Beth. I was interested to read this because I have a friend in prison who I write to and I have corresponded with others in the past. I have discovered that many prisoners are open to the gospel and are pleased to find someone on the outside who cares about them. This is an interesting idea to encourage them to write. They have plenty of time to think and express their feelings on paper. In my experience they can be brutally honest in what they say in letters. Your article is well written and encouraging. The fact that you take the time to visit is commendable. I wish you luck with your writing and your prison ministry. Bob.
I enjoyed reading this, Fran. I can sympathise because in my early life I looked a lot younger than I was, and as a result had to suffer the indignity of being looked upon as a child. My uncle Albert (dead now) was even unluckier. He never grew to more than 5 feet tall. Your piece is well written and entertaining. It's good when you can laugh at yourself and not take life too seriously. Good luck in all that you attempt. As well as being a good swimmer (I looked up your bio) you are a great writer. Best wishes and God bless you. Bob.
Hi Nepenthe. Full mark for choosing a question to get a response! I was intrigued by this article because I have recently written a 'Letter from Satan' ID #1797858 in which he tries to convince people they will never be good enough for their God. A thought-provoking piece.
Hi RevdBob. I normally look for shorter pieces to review, but having started to read this I just kept reading, which says it all really. I very much enjoyed reading about the death of Timmy and how it affected you as a boy. Death is a mystery to us when young and when we get older. When someone's death touches our lives it leaves its mark and you have recorded your feelings well. The reader can come alongside you and appreciate your feelings of shock, sorrow, bewilderment and loss. In our journey through life we meet many people; some play a big part while others join us for fleeting moments. Nevertheless these 'bit-part actors' can influence us in a big way. Wow, you've got me thinking deeply! This was a great read - very well written and thought provoking, as well as affirming your beliefs as a Christian. Excellent job!
.
Hi Little Des. I enjoyed reading your poem. I think you have the potential to write some really good stuff. If I could just mention one thing though... You are thinking back to the days you shared with your special friend; therefore you should be using the past tense throughout. For example: the second verse, second line should say 'No matter what happened, you were always there'. I hope this is helpful. If this is your first poem you have done very well. When I was younger I lost a dear friend, so I was able to understand the sorrow behind the words. I too wrote a poem about it (much later) - if you would like to read it, it is called The Special Place and it is in my portfolio.
A moving tribute Janice48 Happy Holidays, and well written. The only problem (if I am to be very picky) is that you seem to be talking about one son when you have two sons (see verse three, line one and the last verse). Nevertheless this is a nice poem, and adding the picture makes it more special.
This is excellent writing, K Charles. It left me wanting to read more. Excellent title, excellent first sentence, excellent follow through. You have a beautiful flowing style which keeps the reader hooked. Need I say more? Not only have you written an outstandingly interesting piece, but there are also no mistakes in it, grammatical or otherwise! Wow! keep it up.
This is good, Natasha. Simple and sincerely written. Personally, I prefer poems that rhyme, but non-rhyming poems are better than forced rhyme. Your thoughts express an interesting dilemma: do you keep your distance and enjoy the friendship of the one you love or do you try for more and risk losing everything? Poetry can express our innermost feelings, as you have done here.
Hello T. I enjoyed reading of this incident, although it lacked credibility where Principal Sharman said he would expel 'you and all your friends - everyone you've ever associated with'. He just couldn't do that! But the idea of 'rough justice' meted out by the students was a good one. A thought-provoking and well written piece.
Your start is excellent. The words of the guilty lad set the scene. Then a short explanation of the problem. I like the way you use speech without ever having to say who is speaking. The ending too is very good - a repeat of the words which began the story. The reader is left to imagine what happened next. Yes, assuming you are a young writer, this is extremely promising. One of the best pieces I have reviewed for some time.
Hi janice 48. A nice heartfelt poem which makes me think that you are writing about a real, personal loss. There is a scattering of mistakes and forced rhyming, but they hardly seem to matter - this is your tribute in your words. My favourite verse is
I'm so proud that you were my mother,
That I would not have wanted another.
No one can replace the things you have done,
You made everything so much fun.
Nice poem Annette. Great start but unfortunately it tailed off towards the end. The eighth line should read 'Emotion is' or 'Emotions are'. The last line is untidy: 'Through a poet's eyes is the only way to experience precious moments' would perhaps be better. Nice work though.
Hi Slap. This is close to being a top poem. You have sensitively introduced a hint of mystery to this piece which makes the reader want to know more! The only bit that didn't quite fit was line 8:
Could it have healed with time?
What is 'it'? You haven't mentioned anything previously that could be 'it'.
I think a simple vague line like Could things have got better with time? would have been more suitable.
This is one of the best poems I have reviewed for some time. Lost love is a theme which has been used beautifully by many poets and I have nothing but admiration for your effort, Slap. Please let me know if you do anything similar. - Bob.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/salvobob
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 7:47am on Nov 07, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "