This was a humorous story involving a police officer who probably thought he had seen everything up until he met the protagonist! I can imagine an officer patiently waiting and listening to the explanation as to why the man was nude.
I’ve been in courtrooms before, and have heard even wilder true stories than this one, so most of it seems plausible to me.
This was an interesting account of Yellowstone National Park. You included a lot of details that I enjoyed. I saw some errors, you had commas distanced from the words they were supposed to be attached to, in paragraphs two, three, and four.
This was a beautiful story of Christianity, if you had written this yourself I would be amazed at your writing skills. It’s good that you admitted that you heard this story from somewhere. I like these types of religious stories.
In paragraph 6 you misspelled truly. In the penultimate paragraph you misspelled fervently.
This really educated me on how the female mind works! I was kind of hoping she would achieve her goals, but part of me saw her as an opportunist, and I’ve always hated people like that. People who would use someone to get ahead.
In the end, she got what she deserved! You did a great job with this story, thank you for sharing it with the writing community.
I didn’t read the genres this story is a part of until after I had read the whole thing. It seemed like something that really happened! You’re a good writer, the descriptions of people like Louella were very well done, I could picture the scenes in my mind.
It’s ironic that the best summer of the protagonist’s memory is probably the worst summer for Louella.
Thank you for sharing this with the WDC community.
I learned a couple of vocabulary words by reading this, tyro and genocidaire. I’m not sure if this is a synopsis or a chapter in a larger story, there doesn’t seem to be a clear conclusion. Also, I believe you switched from past tense to present tense, you should stick to one tense.
Some of this seemed interesting, but you should strive for surprise endings, or some other kind of conclusion to your stories. This story seemed to be a description of a character and his intentions, without showing much action.
It would also help to know what culture the protagonist belongs to, and why he is on the receiving end of bigotry.
I like this short story, and the quote you used by Robert Frost suited the story well. The contrast and conflict between the protagonist and the person she is walking through the woods with was interesting. If the two characters got along well, that would’ve ruined the dynamic.
So she never won the contest, it was her sister pretending to be the producers? One thing that does not make sense to me is that she won the contest before she had any ideas for the show.
My suggestion is that if that is a crucial variable in the story, you need to brain storm and try to come up with a reason that makes sense for her to win before she has the idea.
Also, it needs more clarity as to whether the whole thing was a trick by her sister, I was unsure of exactly what had happened.
I like this synopsis, it would make a great children’s story or comic book. It could even be a cartoon. I like the values you’ve instilled into the story, they seem like an intrinsic aspect. Don’t let someone convince you to remove the moral lessons from your stories.
I like your use of the word “strata” to describe people of different economic backgrounds, I might try to use that as part of my vocabulary when speaking or in stories that I write.
I’m from California, so I’m always interested in learning about how other people live in different parts of the country. Montana really got put on the map with that Star Trek film that came out in 1996, it was set there in Montana in the year 2063.
It sounds like you’re staying active and involved in your community, so keep up the good work. I found your biography entertaining and interesting.
This is a cute story of your childhood that I found entertaining. When we were kids we believed things that we don’t necessarily believe as adults. It sounds like you found a creative way to defeat a troll, by using child logic. I’m glad there was resolution of conflict, something that doesn’t always happen in real life stories.
I’m glad it worked, it saved money that otherwise would’ve been spent hiring a child psychologist!
I didn’t get the song reference when I first read through this, but I went and looked it up on YouTube and recognized it from the oldies station I listened to in the early 90s when I was 20. Upon re-reading the beginning, I read over the line where the singer says “Hold me darling, for a little while.”
I read that line at the same time the singer sang it.
This is an interesting bittersweet short story about a man who can’t let go of the past. I lost a girlfriend to a drug overdose when I was in my early 30s, so I can relate to this.
You did a great job of portraying a man’s inner anguish.
This was an interesting short story with conflict and resolution of conflict, but knowing it was prompted, I would like to know more about the prompt that inspired this tale. My only advice is to edit this and include more information about that, but I’m not docking any points because that’s just my own personal opinion and curiosity.
This was sad because the mother in the poem has to deal with the reality of getting older. I think it’s great that she had kids who in turn had children of their own. I think most people can relate to not wanting to let go of things that bring back memories, regardless of whether they had kids of their own or not. The violet coloring of the lettering was done nicely.
This was an interesting story, you did well with putting the reader in a future environment. I would be interested if you could go into more detail about how they got to that planet, and what kind of propulsion system they used.
I’m always interested in science fiction that isn’t part of an established canon, I hope to read more of your short stories.
It sounds like you lead an interesting life! I think it’s great that you are able to do so much traveling. I can’t imagine having my life together enough to just be able to travel the world like you do. I wish you safe travels, and good health!
Also good luck with your writing goals, it seems you manage to keep yourself busy.
I think most of us have been in this position before, I’ve felt used by family members. Hopefully you are moving in to a better state of mental and emotional health. My advice is not to associate with that person again, or have as little contact with them as possible.
You have an interesting series of premises. One reason for war is fighting over a water source. I do agree that having a universal currency would prevent people in poor counties from being exploited.
I noticed an error, you spelled fourth as “forth” just thought I’d point that out.
Your story is interesting considering it was based on a word prompt. You put together an entire scenario just based on three words. I would’ve never guessed this was from a prompt.
My only advice is that the font you used is difficult to read, and might turn people away from reading this short story. Times New Roman might be a better choice, despite how pretty you might think this font is.
I’m glad there was a happy ending for the protagonist. I care about veterans. The way you portrayed the doctor seemed accurate, they really seem indifferent to the needs of their patients sometimes, caring more about doing things by the book.
It would be interesting to know more about the milieu these characters live in, how far in the future they live, and what their world is like. Hopefully you can explore this in future stories set in this world.
This is a great tribute to your father. If someone could be remembered for their kindness, that is a significant accomplishment. I know of a few people who will be remembered for their evil ways, so it is better to be known for good things in life by those who knew him.
This is an interesting milieu you’ve developed. It seemed plausible to me, all the fantasy elements that are different from our own world. I think any stories you write set in this world would make a good comic book or graphic novel.
I hope to read more of your short stories set in this world.
I like stories like this where it’s just accepted that the animals are sentient. I can relate to the horse in this story, I lived with an Aunt who abused me financially, so I can understand wanting to move to a better environment. I’m doing much better now, living somewhere else.
I found it interesting that stealing someone else’s thoughts counts as plagiarism, I’m glad to hear that. I worked for a comedy show in the early 1990s, and I was discussing something that had happened to my father when I was a toddler. It was Thanksgiving and all of my mom’s relatives came from across the country to meet him, but he stopped to help a man whose car had broken down, and spent all day helping him. My dad was a mechanic. The relatives left, and the following week my dad went to apply for a job, and the man who my dad helped was the boss, and hired my dad immediately.
One of the young writers on the show heard me talking about this, so he typed it up and presented it as his own concept. I had a hard time proving he plagiarized me, but I won out in the end. The producers even spoke with my dad on the phone and he verified that these events actually occurred to him. I’ve always believed that thoughts can be plagiarized, though some think it’s perfectly legal to steal someone’s ideas.
I think you were clear in your presentation and I enjoyed reading it!
It’s a good story with a twist ending, but there are some errors. You have participation when the proper word is precipitation. Also, there are places where you need to skip a line between paragraphs.
It says wondering when it should say wandering. All in all a good story, it just needs a tune up.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/samuelorona/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 4:23am on Jul 09, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
